Unbroken Chains

Jesus said:

Mat 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

The five steps you will use to fight personal attacks of Satan are as follows:

Give the matter, event, weakness, area, problem, all their causes and consequences of these to Jesus to be Lord of (make it part of His Kingdom).

Repent, especially of bitterness; root of bitterness and unforgiveness and of wrong attitudes to others or yourself, especially self-pity. Forgive other people and yourself. You may need to pray: “Lord I forgive all and myself. Help me

to forgive please” and/or “Lord I repent. Help me to repent please”.

In Jesus’ Name cast Satan out as He no longer has no right  o be there as these matters have now been given to Jesus and now belong to The Kingdom of God.  Satan cannot touch them without God’s permission and has to leave when commanded to do so in Jesus’ Name.

In Jesus, Name command healing and restoration of the damage Satan did to you.

Ask Holy Spirit to fill you completely and to take place of the demons that have left you.


Why are there so many emotionally and mentally damaged people on earth? Because Satan has sought to damage them so he can control then for his pur poses and stop them relating to Jesus in a correct way so that they will not be able to oppose Satan.

This book deals with how Satan seeks to destroy women and how Jesus stops this and heals the damage Satan does to people.

God and Satan both work through people. God uses Godly people to influence others. Especially parents, teachers as well as those who lead in His gatherings of Christians. Satan tries to damage these people of God as well as those who are of his kingdom, so that they will not know how to express God’s type of love in relationships. So that they cannot teach people how God desires them to be because of the emotional damage they have from Satan.

By using these damaged people Satan damages those they teach, influence or train. Jesus frees them from this emotional bondage they are in and breaks the chains Satan has placed on them.  These damaged people will never be really able to live the victorious, joyful, Christian life Jesus desires them to have.

These people are damaged because they had authority over them that did not know how to Love or show mercy or grace to them because the people in authority were bound in legalism, ritual and perfectionism and that is the only way they know to love and relate to God and others.

Damage can also come through rape and incest and also through a trauma, such as violence or accidents.

Freedom from all the above states are all dealt with through deliverance and being taught The Truths of Jesus that will set them free.

The Abuser

The abuser is a damaged person or they would not be treating you the way they do. They need compassion and deliverance as they miss out on the satisfaction and joy they should be having in their Christian walk.

If they are not a Christian then you need to pray for their salvation. You need to bind any demons using them whether they are a Christian or non Christian. Only when they are a Christian can you take them through deliverance.

You should never react or condemn the abuser. You serve Jesus so you need to ask Him how you are to relate to them and how you are to deal with their attitude to you. You are to love them in the same way The Father in heaven Loves them. But you do not have to love what they do.

The abuser is damaged and does not know how relate to you any other way. You need to bind the demons using them to attack you and others as well as harassing other people, taking away their peace and joy and blinding them to their deliverance and help Jesus can give them, His truths that would set them free as well as the deliverance they can have from the oppression of from demons.

Do not assume, react, argue or reason but ask The Holy Spirit what to do. The abuser is an unwilling weapon of Satan in the war we are in. It is part of the war we have with Satan and we need ask our commander Jesus desires to deal with the situation.  The Holy Spirit will always tell you if you want to hear what Jesus says.

The Character of the abuser

The abuser cannot trust God or anyone except themselves. God is authority and someone in close to them in authority over them has betrayed their love and abused them in some way and broken their love and trust so they cannot love or trust anyone else except themselves. They at least will not hurt themselves and because of their insecurity and damage they cannot really trust the love of others anymore.

Because the abuser cannot express real love or trust another they need coping mechanisms to survive. These coping mechanisms build up a world around them that they control and in which they feel secure. This results in:

Lovelessness:  It is not they do not love. But they do not know how to love.

Legalism:  I make the rules so I know I can keep them and all who love me will keep them.

Perfectionism: Unless you meet my expectations of you I cannot accept you. They need to make others inferior to them so they feel superior and adequate.

Ritualism: New experiences are too threatening to the abuser. So they form a world of stability by ritual. So that all they do in life is expected and they able to cope with it.  This makes it hard for th em to try out new things or expand their world.

The abuser needs to make the rules and set the standard so they control others and do not feel threatened by being inadequate to them.

The also need to rationalise so they do not face the truth of a situation or the hurt they do to others. It is not that the abuser does not show love. It is love incorrectly showed, based on the insecurities and the fears of the abuser rather than on God’s type of love.

All that the abuser does is related to a lack of self esteem, feelings of being unloved, rejected and not respected as a person and all they do is aimed at controlling the situation around them in a way that enables them to cope as a person.

Foreword to what follows

As I started to work on this book I wrote the first few pages thinking it was to be a general discussion of abuse. Then the Lord reminded me of a booklet I had prepared a few yeas ago on the abuse of women.

Women have been abused and treated as second class citizens for most of history. God desires to promote the cause of women and restore them to where they should be. Only as women are given their rightful role will they be able to do what God desires them to do.  We need to treat them in the way Jesus loved them and treated them.

A Warning too men

Treating women as God desires you too is part of maintaining your salvation. If you knowingly abuse women and do not repent you will lose your salvation through unrepented disobedience. If you unknowingly abuse women you need deliverance as well as to repent of the wrong you are doing to them.

A Warning to women

You must forgive the abuser, which may only be really possible after deliverance. You must least try and if you cannot forgive then keep doing deliverance, using the fire steps, until you can.

While this booklet has been directed as women what is said in it can also apply to men.


I read, a few years ago, that one in every three women in the world has been abused. In my ministry of deliverance on in every four women had been sexually abused so this figure seems reasonable.  This means we have a world of abused women around us. So this chapter has taken on a new importance to me as that figure agrees with what I found when ministering deliverance on the Internet and that is apart from those who have suffered other types of abuse.

It is also to be remembered that it is a spiritual battle. The abuser is driven by demons as demons use the hurts in him to try and control and guide them to do their purposes. The abuser is usually not possessed if a Christian and do not realise the thoughts or voices they hear are not their own but demons. Demons are in the abused also because of the hurts the abuser has placed on them and the way they dealt with the abuse.

This is why words do not help people as reason and action do not removed demons. The demons need to be cast out. Which is why the healing of abuse really needs deliverance in some degree or other.  If the demon is not driven out it is always there to talk to the mind of the abuser.  But if it is removed The Holy Spirit replaces the demon and the person is no longer tried to be controlled by the demons in them.,  They are no outside trying to get back in and can  be easily removed in the Name of Jesus and The Holy Spirit will fill their vacant space if asked so they cannot come back in.

The five steps are used to remove demons, either inside or outside of you as well as do any deliverance needed.

Why attack women

Satan has been abusing women throughout the centuries. It was through a woman the promised Messiah would come that would defeat him and his works. So Satan had tried to destroy women to prevent this happening. He has also tried to destroy them to stop them running Godly households and training children the way they needed to be trained to follow God as well as to stop them training the younger women how to run Godly households. By this he has prevented the younger generation of women training children as He desires them to be trained because they are too damaged to do so.

One of the reasons this booklet was written (I was told by The Holy Spirit just before I finished it) was to free the 40-60 year old women who should be training the generation after them but who are too damaged to do so.

By this age period, women have raised their children and are now ready to teach the younger women how to run their families as well as help any young mothers to do this. This is why the support of a mother is so important to their daughter as they also learn to become mothers and run households.  This is why we are told not to quickly give authority to young women who do not have the experience to do these things.  This does not mean to ignore the young women as they too have things the older women can learn from, but it means they should listen to the experiences of the older women and not just ignore them as old Fuddy Duddie.

Unfortunately most mothers are too damaged to teach the young women and are not able to do this as they should. Deliverance will free them to do this and, along with how to run a household and raise children, they will teach spiritual warfare and deliverance to their daughters and other young women. This means a mother needs to learn how to do this as well as what to teach their daughters in regard to spiritual warfare.

Abuse of Men

Men are also abused but this is rarer than women being abused. Which is why I concentrate on the abuse of women. But what is said here about abuse usually also applies to men in some way.

This abuse of men can occur in childhood but more often in a relationship, especially in marriage where a damaged woman can only survive as a person and be secure in a relationship if she controls the husband. This is her way of protecting all the pain she has from former abuse and of preventing herself being hurt even more.

Even if there is no abuse to protect herself from she will still try to control because of the fear of being abused and/or hurt.

The hurt woman retains her control (protecting herself ), usurping domestic headship and not being able to submit domestically to her husband until she is delivered from these hurts. She will retain this control at any cost and usually the cost is the relationship and the marriage which is why so many people are divorced.

It is to be remembered that spiritually all are equal and that it is only in domesticity is the wife to be subject to her husband.  To make the husband her spiritual head is to remove Jesus as her spiritual head and what happens if her husband is a nonChristian and she has to spiritually submit to him because he is ruled by Satan.  Are you to put her back under Satan when she has ben freed from him by Jesus?  This is why headship can only be domestic.  Besides of both listen to The Spirit there is no need for a head in the family as Jesus will be head of both aspects (spiritual and domestic) of the marriage.

It is obvious the woman (and usually her partner/husband also) needs deliverance and when deliverance occurs the relationship usually becomes as God desires it to be and the marriage will be as God wants it to be.

How does God want women treated?

Before you can define abuse you need a standard to measure it against. The standard we use is that which God sets. It is how He desires women to be treated. So you must treat women this way or be in rebellion.  Jesus is His example of how to treat women.

Women are spiritually equal to men.

Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

Maleness and femaleness are not important in the spiritual. They are only important for the roles on earth that God has designed a male or female to fulfil. So anyone treating a woman as spiritually inferior is going against God’s Will.

Women are to be loved with the same type of Love that Jesus Love’s them with.

Joh 13:34-35 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

There is no escape clause to say you can avoid doing this. If you love Jesus and people as He loves them then you will love them with the same type of love that He Loves them with. Not to do so is sin! Sin is falling short of God’s requirement (moral or legal) in some way. All sin has at its core a lack of love to the person sinned against.

Note: we are to love the person but not necessarily accept what they do.

Wives are to be treated as helpmeets

Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.

John Gill comments as follows:

“I will made him an help meet for him; one to help him in all the affairs of life, not only for the propagation of his species, but to provide things useful and comfortable for him; to dress his food, and take care of the affairs of the family; one “like himself ” .

Note: “One to help him’ and not a slave.

The helpmeet works in areas that the man does not have time to do. While the man works the helpmeet can do things needed to be done in the home. The role of helpmeet is not one of servitude to the man but of complimenting him, doing the things he has no time for while he does what is needed to support and protect her.

It is a relationship of spiritual equals, subordinating to each other to meet the needs of the other because of their love for them.  This does not stop them helping the other in their God-given roles but it means they submit to the other when they are carrying these roles out.

A helper is an equal but subordinate for the purposes of service to another. A slave is not an equal and has no rights.

Domestic headship and women expanded (1 Pet 2:25-3:6)

Headship is not spiritual. Jesus is the bishop (head) of our souls. Headship only exists in marriage for the purposes of forming a visible head in the home (domestic) and even then if The Holy Spirit is leading Jesus will be the head of the house and human headship is not necessary because The Holy Spirit will guide them both and they will agree in everything because of the unity resulting from The Holy Spirit guiding them both.

In 1 Pet 3:1-6, a Christian woman (belonging to The Kingdom of God) is told to submit to a non-Christian husband (belonging to the Kingdom of Satan. If the submission is spiritual the Christian woman would have to submit to Satan (the head of her husband). This would be ludicrous  as Jesus died to free us from Satan’s control.

Headship cannot be spiritual or it would make mockery of what Jesus did. Headship can only be domestic.

So anyone who is deliberately not treating a woman:

As spiritual equal for the purposes of ministry

Loving them in the way Jesus Love’s them

Not treating a wife as a helpmeet

Applying spiritual headship principles, usurping the place of Jesus or

Not applying domestic headship principles correctly

Is sinning in the eyes of God and if this is done knowingly and not repented of you will lose you your salvation.

In a marriage God wants women treated as a partner in a partnership of spiritual equals. It is a partnership The Holy Spirit leads in all aspects of the relationship so that it is as God desires it to be.

If The Holy Spirit leads the married couple there will be no disputes or relational problems. The Holy Spirit will tell you what to do as well as how God desires you to relate to the other person. He will tell you God’s will so that there can be no disagreement or conflict in a situation.

In Domestic matters the husband has the final authority. But if he is led by The Holy Spirit what he decides will be best for all so that the wife can accept his decision in the knowledge it is what God desires for them both and done out of love for her, the type of Love Jesus has for her.

If the husband is not a Christian, then she must trust God who has asked her to submit to the husband for the sake of Jesus and the witness of her life as a follower of His. She must trust that God will not test her beyond her ability, is doing this to mature her and will allow no thing that is not good for her.  By submitting to her husband she shows she respects him and is not his enemy and that her religious beliefs accepts him as he is.  This will allow the husband to not reject her beliefs because they do not threaten him.

Why do men treat women as being inferior?

It is because they do not understand how God wants them to treat women

They are insecure or have low self-esteem so treat women as being inferior to them to feel secure or feel better than they are.

These men get their esteem from what people say about them and their security from possessions or from what they control. So by treating women as inferior or as chattels (property) they feel  secure in the relationship.

The man also has security in the woman obeying him as he does not feel threatened by the woman.

Their security and self-esteem is not found in who they are in Jesus. These people need deliverance as do the women they have subordinated incorrectly.

Often an abused woman will stay in a relationship because she has so little selfesteem or worth that she believes she can do no better for a partner/husband/ boyfriend, or is trapped as she cannot afford to leave.

Financial control over women is a weapon men have used for centuries and the man who trusts his wife will gie her freedom to spend as she will not ause it because she loves him and is guided by The Holy Spirit on what to buy.

The abuser

The abuser usually is either one or both parents, a close relative or partner/husband. It is someone close to the person being abused.  It  may be another, but the main thing is that abuser has an area of authority the abused that is important to them.

Most of what follows also applies to men as well as women  but as this chapter is to do with women it is assumed the abuser is a man as this is the usual cased.  But most of what is said for men applies to women who are abusers and what is said to abused women applies to abused men.

The abuser normally has a very insecure and low opinion of himself. His self-esteem and/or self-worth is very poor and he needs to keep others under his control or in bondage in order to feel secure and/or superior and worthwhile as a person.

Abuse usually comes down through the generations of a family (as a cycle of abuse).  Family members grow up in the abusive situation and come to consider the abuse as the normal way to live and so raise their children in the same way, with the same abuse. The abused individual does not realize the abuse for what it is, as they have grown up with it. Deliverance of the abused person breaks the abuse cycle, so future generations do not suffer as they have suffered and will no longer consider it the normal way to live.

This deliverance from the effects of abuse is especially important for parents with young children to ensure that the children are not abused by the parents so that they don’t suffer as the parents did, become damaged and as a result, end up abusing their own children.

The lower the self-worth/esteem/value of the person (in their own eyes) the more: defensive, legalistic, controlling and perfectionistic the person seeks to become. This control of others allows them to believe that other people are greater failures than they are so the abuser feel better about themselves because these other people can rarely or never achieve the standards the abuser expects of them.  Also, the abuser usually cannot see their own failures so do not see the hypocrisy they live in.

The more insecure and fearful are the abused, the more controlling they become of their environment as they have security in their control and not in Jesus. Pride is another manifestation of this low self-worth.

In later stages they may withdraw from relationships and become ‘loners’ unable to relate or show love to people and often Alzheimer’s or other mental illness occur to them

The abuser may be a complete failure as a person, but is deceived by demons into thinking they are wonderful and superior to everyone else.

Satan has to convince the abused person to accept the abuse. This is done through fear of what will happen to them if the abuse is not accepted.

Satan also needs to convince the abused that God does not love them or will not help them so that they believe they cannot go to him for help but must rely on their own reasonings which the demons guide and/or control.

The abused will have little desire to tell others about Jesus but may do this because they get self-esteem from the praise of the church for doing this. It is not from love of others they do this as they do it only for purposes of self-esteem and acceptance in a church and God has difficulty blessing them so their work for The Kingdom of God and they will reap little reward in heaven (their service to God being done for the wrong reasons). In fact most of their ministry is done for the purposes of self-esteem as often is most of what they do for others in their relationships to others.

The whole reason for abuse is to stop you from realizing God’s Love towards you and how much you can be used by God.  If you do not realize God’s Love for you, then you will not be a threat to Satan or live a joy-filled life in a correct, vital relationship with Jesus, The Father, The Holy Spirit and others and by this demonstrate the superiority of The Kingdom of God over what Satan offers.

Abuse drives away love. People shut down inside and don’t know how to let anyone in past the walls they have created, as the last person they let in hurt them very much and usually it is someone they loved very greatly so the hurt is greater.

Some women can actually have a hardened-heart their pain being so great that their heart is an impenetrable, and this calloused shell can only be broken by Jesus. Once the shell is broken, underneath it is very soft, very hurt, very weak, loving person. That’s why the shell was put up in the first place, to cover and protect the wound instead of healing it.  Exposing the wound again will hurt twice as much because of this. These women have to be handled gently with uncompromising, non-critical love. Deliverance removes the hurt, the shell and the pain in a painless way.

Relationships require risk and trust. How to trust again is a big issue. How to let a person close enough to break through the shell around the heart is difficult to work out at times, but Jesus can do it.

Six Types of Abuse

In reality, abuse is usually a combination of some of the following six types in different combinations.  There is always more than one type of abuse. The effects of abuse are also complex and are usually never just one reaction but a mixture of reactions and coping mechanisms.


Verbal abuse is emotional in nature.  This is why your tone of voice, when you say something, is so important as it may imply the opposite of what you mean. The abuser attaches conditions to giving love and acceptance to get praise or appreciation so that it becomes necessary for the abused person to work at a certain level or do certain things to ‘please’ the abuser. It is usually almost impossible to please the abuser. This leads to legalism, loneliness, low self-worth, self-rejection, perfectionism and similar traits. There is seldom praise and the normal feedback is usually destructive criticism and does not usually reflect the abused’s abilities.

Love withheld, Acceptance withheld, Worth withheld, Abilities suppressed

Emotional prison around the person of fear of not their actions not being acceptable to abuser.


The person’s intelligence and/or abilities are criticized so they are made to feel inferior and not normal or mentally adequate. This can lead to personality type disorders as well as low self-image.

Negative comments on intelligence and abilities

Negative comments on sanity

Negative comments on their identity (personality)

Negative comments on their worth as a person Negative comments on their usefulness to people


The abuser uses force to control the abused. This can lead to fear of authority, mental problems, low self-worth and an incorrect appreciation of authority figures: police, employers, husband, God etcetera. Rape and molestation are normally both physical and emotional abuse combined. Physical abuse can also be because of beatings that were received for no valid or reasonable reason.

Deprivation of necessities


Rough handling

Threats of Violence

Fear of being in the presence of the abuser


The abuser uses sex to satisfy his lusts or believes submission= love and worth. This abuse leads to fear of authority in the abused (often step father or real father, uncle, brother or grandfather are involved in childhood molestation) so that the abused person’s image of The Father in heaven is marred. All abuse does this in some way but sexual abuse involves more areas of abuse than most and seems to make this fear stronger than in other lesser types of abuses.

Sexual abuse violates a person in a way no other abuse does and takes many forms:


Incest with a trusting child who does not know better

A boyfriend persuading his girlfriend to have sex with him against her will (rape?)

A husband forcing a wife to have sex with him when she is not emotionally ready (rape?).  She will feel more like a prostitute than a wife.

The sexually abused individual feels worthless and dirty. Also, a wrong attitude towards sex results so that the marriage bed is affected and they will have problems sexually relating to their spouse. In severe cases, major mental problems such as Multiple Personality Disorder or other similar disorders may result, especially in gang rape, other types of violent abuse or cases of Satanic Ritual Abuse.

The person needs to be cleansed and purified in any deliverance to remove the effects of these impure demons.

With sexual abuse, there is also the situation of people giving sex in exchange for love (the old lie that ‘sex with me means he loves me’) and being dumped afterwards. The dumped person feels used and betrayed and is destroyed emotionally by this. Her self-worth and self-esteem are destroyed as well.

In a marriage, the abused woman, after having sex with her husband will feel used and dirty and/or like a prostitute and impure if he forces her or uses her to satisfy his lust. Sex becomes an event to be dreaded at the worst or at best a duty of love that is not enjoyed as it should be. sexually abused people can feel dirty and worthless, so they never really have joy or expect to have joy, and have little expectation of doing anything worthwhile or of finding real happiness. These attitudes occur in all abused people in some degree but sexual abuse seems to heighten them.  This is probably because the whole person is violated and not just a part of them.  The whole being, spirit, soul (mind/emotions), and body are engaged or involved during sexual contact so sexual abuse affects every part of a person.

Sexual abuse in marriage can also occur when sex is withheld or used as a reward for conditions placed upon the partner’s obedience. Sometimes it may lead too marital rape.  This is why The Bible says not to withhold sex from each other.  If you truly lover your spouse, sex and its timing will never be a problem.

It is to be remembered that abuse is a deliberate misuse of something or someone and not just an accidental incorrect act against another.


Spiritual abuse is a result of legalistic and perfectionist parent(s) who do not know the Grace of God and thus in a sense feel they have to ‘work’ their way to Heaven. It presents a merciless God that affects the child’s image of God. It uses the Bible as a whip and denominational rules as bondage.

The other form of spiritual abuse is from Christians and pastors who criticize and wound people. Making them feel that they have sinned so badly that God cannot use them.  These condemned people cannot face God as the people.  Many Christians do not go to church because of how pastors have treated them.  Pastors/ministers they believe represent God have condemned them. Jezebel spirits are good at this as are pastors/ministers who walk in the flesh and not led by the Holy Spirit but by reason or denominational rules.

Legalism (rules more important than the person)

Abuse of authority over family by husband or abuse to a church by a minister or denomination (spiritual headship abuse)

God’s Grace, love and mercy not shown

A belief that God requires effort and service to be acceptable

A belief that you are inadequate spiritually to serve God


The abuser controls the money supply and possessions so that the abused person is completely dependent on the abuser. This ensures the abused person cannot leave the abuse situation, as they have no money to do so and often must beg to get it (even to pay for necessities) and endure a tirade of how bad they are at using money so unwisely and how fortunate they are to have the husband provide for them.

Control of finances and investments

Control of property

Control of purchasing for house necessities/shopping funds

Control of pleasure where money is required

Control of what makes the person acceptable to be given money

Guilt for spending money even for necessities

In all cases of abuse, God’s Love is missing and this is why the abused person develops wrong attitudes and coping mechanisms. To get attention (attention = love) and will do negative (wrong) things, knowing they will get into trouble. But at least they get attention. To a child or young person any attention is better than none, so much do they need love and attention.

In summary

Laziness or lack of energy is often caused by depression that is a result of abuse. There are other signs of abuse, such as addictions the person cannot stop, incorrect love for others, low self–esteem etc., but these vary according to the person’s reaction to the abuse and can be subtle. If you see abnormal behaviour in a person, then consider that there may have been abuse to that person.

When questioning the abused person, show no emotion at anything evil or wrong they have done, but smile and be friendly, as they will often be afraid or ashamed to tell what happened. Compassion towards them can often help in finding out the truth.  Any condemnation, criticism, or horror as to what has happened will make them stop talking (and is actually a form of abuse), as they have already, in their own mind and heart, faced enough of these already and usually have enough self–condemnation to make them ashamed to tell others what has happened to them

Remember when using the five steps for deliverance that you do not need to know the individuals sins or details of their abuse. All you need to know is the area of weakness and the cause of any problems they have. All they have to do is to give these to Jesus in their hearts: the areas of abuse, the types of weaknesses they have, the types of addictions they have and anything else The Holy Spirit prompts them to give to Jesus.

No one else but Jesus needs to know what they are giving to Him because their sins are the business of nobody except them and Jesus. Remember, He removed their sins at Calvary through redemption so these are no longer a spiritual problem and so are the spiritual concern of none but Jesus.

Any guilt, shame or condemnation you have now is from Satan as Calvary removed these.  You may have a conviction of sin from The Holy Spirit, but guilt for sin was dealt with by Jesus at Calvary so now this comes from Satan.

Results of Abuse

Some of the results of abuse are as follows:

Feeling of isolation

Who can love me, I am so bad or worthless. God cannot, Family cannot, I cannot

No one knows how I feel; I am so lonely

I am not worth knowing so I won’t try any more

Maybe I am better off dead

Satan uses isolation to stop you from getting help and from finding out that God can deliver you and use you more than you realize. This trapped feeling is because you cannot see a way out, as Satan has hidden it from you. It is there promised by God so Satan has to stop you seeing that there is a way out of the situation  (1 Cor 10:13).

Feeling of being trapped How do I escape this? Who will help me escape?

Will I ever be normal and worthwhile?

Wrong self image

I am worthless

I cannot be loved

I will never amount to anything worthwhile

I am good for nothing so I might as well accept the abuse as I am good for nothing better

These are the lies Satan uses to stop you from relating to and serving God as you should. Satan’s whole purpose of abuse is to create dysfunctional people who cannot relate properly to God, others or themselves, or serve Him as He would like them to and who will go to hell with him.

Various mental disorders

As the person believes the lies about herself, she has trouble facing both her worth and inadequacies and if the trauma is great, she will try to partition off the painful memories. Demons inhabit the partitioned memories and cause the so-called ‘alters’ of Multiple or Bipolar Personality Disorders to manifest. These are not separate personalities as the spirit cannot be divided, however, the soul can be (the Bible says it has rooms or mansions). As the soul is the filter for the spirit, there is the appearance of more than one personality (spirit) in the person. These personalities are really demons and result in:

Bipolar (double-minded man),  Multiple Personality Disorders

Schizophrenia Identity problems Irrational behaviour

A possible sign of this double–mindedness, even in a mild form, is having periods of our life which you cannot remember as these are blocked out by the mind because they are so painful and you don’t want to remember them.  In healing these disorders, it is necessary to ensure that the memories, emotions, and hurts are healed and the total personality is integrated so the hurts can be faced when the demons are cast out and the blockages are removed.

As the personality is affected, it is this that must be given to Jesus to heal. Remember that The Holy Spirit rarely speaks to you with a voice but uses impressions, thoughts, pictures etc so any voice in your head is probably a demon and should be cast out to the Throne of judgment in Jesus’ Name, asking The Holy Spirit to replace it. If the voice does not go away, you need to ask The Holy Spirit why it can stay in or around you.

Remember also that The Holy Spirit will never ask you to do anything against Jesus or to harm yourself and thoughts of harming yourself do not come from you either.

The progression to suicide





Despair Suicide

Abuse results in

Hard to trust authority figures

Wrong view of The Father in heaven

Hard to relate to our Father in heaven

Hard to accept The Father’s Love

Hard to trust men

Hard to believe God loves you enough to save you

Because their view of authority (their physical father) is wrong, they do not have a proper view of their Heavenly Father. Problems occur in regard to salvation (works theology creeps in requiring them to feel they need to do things to please Go and get to heaven) to be save) and to worship in an acceptable way (are we worthy enough to be accepted without ritual to make us acceptable?). Religion and ritual are based on these fears.

Such rituals may include: repetitious prayers, long salutary openings to appease God, abject petitioning. These are performed because of lack of belief that God will answer their prayers because they are not worthy or acceptable enough and must appease Him.

They also have trouble accepting the fact that God loves them as they are and not as they think they should be to be loved by Him and that everything He does is for their best, because they do not feel worthy of His hearing and loving them.

It also affects our relationships with others, in that we do not feel worthy to relate to others and assume an inferior position, even if only subconsciously. This shows itself as a “fear of man” which has many forms, one of which is shyness. The other extreme is to control people so that we feel superior and in this way, we acquire our self-esteem.

Self-rejection and low self-esteem

Low opinion of abilities

Will take abuse as I’m not worthy of better

God cannot use me

I am not worth knowing

We do not try to achieve great things, as we do not feel worthy or acceptable enough to do them, and so we settle for what is second best. Our relationships are not correct as our hurts get in the way and we don’t know why the problems are there in our marriage or friendships. We also blame ourselves as we believe we are not adequate or deserve better things.

Abusive marriages

At least I get some love (sex = love usually)

This marriage is better than none, (and I cannot do better in finding a husband)

You will keep a relationship with anyone who will accept you (regardless of the abuse endured to keep the relationship  as you believe you cannot find a better one or another one who will accept you).

At least he loves me enough to talk to me and have sex with me

This is the best I can do, as I am not good enough to have anyone better

In order to develop a relationship with God, it will take effort in doing the things that builds the relationship. The degree that you desire to have an intimate relationship with God determines the effort you put into developing that relationship. Deliverance is the first step in this road to wholeness.

This lack of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-esteem is a major reason why people identify in fantasy with important people or see themselves as famous or important in scenarios which they create in their minds. It is also why people idolize television, sport and movie stars as they live their worth through these people and through the actions they carry out on the screen. This is how they get pleasure and self–fulfilment, which they cannot appear to obtain in real life. Satan has used a lie to replace their reality and the deliverance Jesus offers.

Television soap operas are so popular with women, for their romance and glamour; action movies are, with men, because of their macho actions and attitudes. We are a traumatized age that lives and gets our worth and value, at times, only through movies, television, or sports stars. People who are not damaged do not do this, and you will find that they do not need to watch these types of television shows and movies and in fact may find ministry to another better than these.

People who have sexual problems in their marriage look at pornography to give them pleasure. This group is another large dysfunctional area in the western world. Husbands do not feel adequate enough for their wives to accept them sexually. Extra-marital  sex occurs because they obtain ‘love’ from the person they are not married to which seems to be missing from their marriage.

No man goes to another’s well unless their well has dried up.  No partner goes to another for love and/or sex unless their partner has problems that needs deliverance and often it is a simple thing that marriage has compounded and which deliverance before marriage would have prevented.

Satan controls the media and has used it to keep damaged people damaged, because they rely on the media to meet their need and not on Jesus and His deliverance. While the church hides in its buildings and does not do the works of Jesus, that of demonstrating the Kingdom with signs and authority and God’s gifts, this invasion by the media into our life will only get worse.

Coping Measures

Coping and dulling measures are designed to numb the emotional pain while legalism, perfectionism and rituals of any kind are designed to make you feel secure and acceptable. Coping mechanisms are actually taught by demons that have entered as a result of the original abuse. They bring in sickness, death, or disability and other demons as well who add to these things. All disease is in some way a result of demonic intervention. A common pattern that manifests in the area of emotions is fear and anxiety sometimes leading to heart attack or mental illness.

Some coping and dulling measures: Sex

I am loved (love = sex)

I am worthwhile (they wants me sexually)

I have value (I am worthwhile to have sex with)

Dulling measures

Drugs (alcohol, smoking)

Music (head banging, loud rock and heavy metal) Sport

Collecting things

Religion (cults)

Specialist fields of knowledge

External image” fashion, jewellery, face and skin appearance House is perfect (the house is perfect therefore I am acceptable) Religion (I am a good churchgoer and do all the things the de-

nomination/cult says, therefore God must accept me, and I must

be a worthwhile person since I am able to obey the legal requirement of the church/cult)

Legalism, perfectionism and ritual

Fear of authority/man so you ‘toe the line’ and do what they say even though it might not be the right or correct thing to do

Acceptance though performance and obedience so you do what is required no matter what it means

Access to God by ritual or prayers that are established or formulated as well as ‘works’ acceptable to the authority in the church They appear to work so you use them as you are not good enough for God to listen too otherwise.

Worship or prayer mechanisms that have worked in the past as they appear to ‘please God’ and be accepted by Him

Wrong view of God’s love

How can God Love me I am so terrible and unworthy

How can Go accept me as His Child I am so terrible and unworthy

Proper Biblical coping mechanisms

Know your relationship to God and understand His Love for you

Know His provision for you in resisting evil

Know your worth to Him

Trust completely in His Love, Control, Purposes and Plans for you

Serving the Kingdom as a citizen of the Kingdom

Having a proper relationship with Father, Son, Holy Spirit

Helping others to be free from the kingdom of darkness

Deliverance for the abused and fighting the demons behind the abuser on the spiritual level

The abuser has demons controlling them and guiding them to abuse others or to react incorrectly to others.. These demons can be bound in Jesus’ Name and prevented from using the abuser against you.

All demons need to be removed from the abused and, if possible, the abuser. Remember, you need to find the root cause before a person is delivered fully

from a problem. Do not just deal with the results of the manifestation. Work

through the causes till you find the root cause of the problem.

Those who are abused need to know the truths that will set them free.

The Abuser

The Abused

Demons will try to control the abuser as much as is possible

The abuser has only as much control as you let him in most abuse situations (unless he forces you to submit through physical violence in the cases of physical abuse) or emotional blackmail


Demons control the abuser

Jesus is greater and in His Name (authority) the demons can be bound and made ineffective

The abuser must make you think and feel about yourself in an incorrect

way in order to be able to abuse you as he desires too

The Truths of God about who you are as person along with a proper self-evaluation and spiritual warfare prevent the lies of the abuser from taking hold.


Those who are abused need to  be shown how to cope Biblically and to not use their current coping methods.


The Abuser

The Abused

Works through fear and manipulation

Take the pain to Jesus to heal it and ask Him how to deal with the situation.  Stand up to the abuser fearlessly and it will cause them problems and may often stop the abuse.

The abuser does not love themselves so cannot love others and hope they are lovable but do not believe this.

Love the person, but not the abuse they do to others and yourself


Cry to Jesus for deliverance from the abuse when it happens


Deliverance and healing are required to remove the foothold the abuser has made in your personality and mind.

Abuser must get you to focus on them and not Jesus to keep you bound

Realize who you are in Jesus so the lies of the abuser can no longer take hold

Those who are abused need to assert themselves and if they cannot do this in the presence of the abuser, then they should leave the area of abuse for their own sake until they can do so. They are stewards of their spirit, soul, body and mind and must protect these on behalf of Jesus so you must remove them from areas of harm.

The abused needs to learn how to trust God and His love again.

They need to know how to fight off demonic attacks done through the abuser.

The Abuser

The Abused

Motivated by demon (but they do not realise the thoughts are not their own but are placed there by demons)

Need to bind the demons in abuser so they cannot use them to attack. Need to know spiritual warfare

Needs deliverance from demons

Need to pray for the abuser so they will see their need for Jesus and deliverance from the demons in them


Their Position in Jesus

Those who are abused need to walk close to Jesus so that they keep their identity correctly in focus and so that they know their worth is based on His worth of their lives, rather than on their actions, works or others’ opinions of them. Someone can say all they want about you or to you. But ultimately it is what Jesus thinks that matters. Just as the abused have received the understanding that their salvation is based on what Jesus has done for them and the fact nothing more need be done, other than believing in faith and obeying Him, so must they also learn to walk on a daily basis in this attitude and its consequences in their life.

Worship also helps them affirm their position in Jesus and worship is also emotionally healing.

When criticised you do not react or get angry but take it to The Holy Spirit to see what Jesus thinks of their criticism of you and if He says you need to change something He will show you what to change and help you change it.

Healing the Wounded Heart

The heart that is damaged places a protective shell around itself so that it cannot be hurt any more. Jesus can break this shell, but then it exposes all the person’s hurts underneath as well as their fears that caused the shell in the first place. These areas of hurt and fear need healing as well. Once this happens, the person can start to love again. This can be difficult unless the memories and emotions are healed enabling the person to take the risks necessary to relate to others correctly. They also need to learn to not react towards others as a result of the fear of being hurt or because of fear of additional pain. Any prayer in this area must cover all of this.

They must also trust Jesus for the results of expressing His Love as they have been commanded to by Him and He will deal with any consequences that occurs as a result of loving or obeying others as He Loves them.

Satan will try and abuse you when you are young if you demonstrates the Love of God so that his abuse will cause you problems when you grow up.  Jesus will always help you to overcome the abuse and will help you endure it.  If you cannot overcome the abuse and it is not being used by Jesus to teach and mature you then perhaps you need to examine yourself to see if there is any sin or you are not where Jesus wants you at that time. You probably need deliverance as that will remove the sin.

Women who are hurt greatly have trouble trusting people, and only the power of unconditional love will obtain their trust and help them to live normal lives again. This love requires acceptance of their actions as well as responding in love to them regardless of what they do. Confrontation usually only worsens the situation as the rejection that this usually results in is what has driven them away in the past. As usual, The Holy Spirit needs to guide you in this.

If they are a Christian you can cast out demons they do not want or who came in uninvited using the five steps.

Hindrance to reconciliation:

The major hindrance to reconciliation is that the love of God is not in the relationship in the way it should be. The relationship has been killed through fear and/or real or supposed rejection. We are commanded to Love by Jesus (John 13:34-35) and He states that we are His followers if we Love as He commands us too. This is not a discretionary thing. It is a command so we are to do it regardless of the cost to us. This lack of love results in four things that further poison the relationship with God and their spouse:


Bitterness and root of bitterness

Wrong emotions towards your spouse

Defence of yourself at any cost including the marriage

These occur because their focus has been taken off Jesus onto themself and their problems so that they are no longer led by The Holy Spirit but by reason and fear.

Each of these has serious consequences for the person holding them in their heart. It also results in small things done by their spouse irritating them and causing further problems. Often the small things themselves are of no eternal consequence and are used by Satan because of this.

Unforgiveness is the most serious of sins as it stops you from going to heaven. Jesus said in Matthew 6:15:

“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

If you do not forgive others then the Father in heaven cannot forgive you or your sins and you do not go to heaven. It is not that He will not forgive but that He cannot as He has to reward you according to your choices and if you do not forgive another he cannot do to you what you have chosen not to do. Which is to forgive.

Bitterness is the next stage after unforgiveness. It will always have a hearing. Bitterness will find reasons to criticize another and results in maligning others and often slandering them and will always find someone to tell these things too.  It is gossip in its worst form as it is vindictive. Bitterness definitely ensures you do not go to heaven if not repented of.

The resultant offence caused toward your spouse ensures that you cannot bring your gift to God, so anything you do is not acceptable to God while you knowingly do not reconcile to the person you have offended.

Jesus said in Matthew 5: 23-24 “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

The requirement for you is to try and reconcile. If they do not accept it then it becomes their problem but God can once again accept your ministry (your gift to Him).  It is not the success of the reconciliation that restores you but the attitude of wanting to reconcile as in that is the love of God shown and not in the result which is an expression of the attitude.

God looks at the heart attitude and not the result which is why many things we believe we have failed God in, if approached in the correct attitude will still have a reward in heaven.

The marriage covenant is binding. It is made before God and He alone can declare it broken. We are responsible to hold ourselves to the covenant regardless of the behaviour of our spouse. The fact that we follow Jesus keeps us to this covenant as it is really obedience to His requirement of us in regard to the marriage. The fact that a spouse is not keeping their part is irrelevant. We are responsible for what we do with our life and not what they do with theirs.

To break this covenant without His permission is to break the vows you made before God to your spouse.  Remember you promised to love them in sickness and health and mental illness is a sickness.

Spiritually, there may no longer be a marriage as the other partner had rejected you as their spouse for various reasons. The spiritual side of the vows made before God still stand though, unless the other spouse or yourself have committed adultery. The legal requirements of the land need to be removed through divorce.

Jesus is merciful and if a person is too damaged to deal with these issues, He will often take them home before they lose their salvation or He will appear to them and give them a choice. He is merciful and not legalistic.

Both spouses need deliverance and healing to be able to relate as they should. I recommend that couples have deliverance ministry before the marriage vows are taken in order to remove hurts and pain that will cause problems in the marriage.

Unfortunately many do not do this and after they are married one spouse (often the woman) usually obtains deliverance while the other does not and the problems in the marriage worsen. One suffers while waiting for the other to go through deliverance. The spouse who has had deliverance has the responsibility to pray for the other until they are free of hurts and pain and can relate as they should. If the abuse is too great then the abused spouse can leave (for their own safety) until God deals with their marriage partner or removes their marriage partner from this earth.

The wife is only required to respect the spouse and submit domestically to them.  At times the only love allowing them to do this is the Love of Christ in them toward the spouse as normal, earthly type love is gone, often years earlier.

Sometimes one spouse becomes a Christian and the other does not. The responsibility, then, is for the Christian spouse to pray the other into The Kingdom of God and not nag them into it. There is a promise in 1 Peter 3:1-6 for a Christian wife who is married to a non-Christian spouse.

Miscellaneous Advice

Do not accept shame, guilt or condemnation from others. The opinions of others are not important as it is what God thinks that matters. Do not accept shame, guilt, or condemnation from yourself in the form of self-recrimination. Shame, guilt and condemnation in regard to spiritual matters were dealt with by Jesus at Calvary and any of these you feel after salvation comes from Satan. These should be cast to The Throne of Judgment in Jesus’ Name, using the five steps asking The Holy Spirit to take their place.

You must seek to be blameless before God and not man,

Matthew 6:33 Seek His Will for you and all you need will be given to you,






You must trust God implicitly, that in all that happens He is making the best for you of a bad situation (Rom 8:28).

Do not Let Satan rush you into hasty decisions as Satan will use your assumptions and reactions against you so:

Never argue

Never reason

Never assume anything

Never react to anything

Always ask The Holy Spirit what to do

Where possible have a second witness you can trust who hears God clearly.

Do not make additional life-changing decisions at this time: change of job, change of location (where unnecessary), new partner.

You need to hear the Holy Spirit and be led by Him,

You need to know how to find the Will of God.

Whenever you have a problem use the five steps immediately so Satan cannot use it to try and cause you more pain or grief. The key to surviving divorce is to take to Jesus (using the framework of the ‘Five Steps’) anything that causes you emotional pain or hurt or will lead you not to love your partner and sin against them in some way.

Learn Spiritual Warfare

The five steps you will use to fight personal attacks of Satan are as follows:

Give the matter, event, weakness, area, problem, all their causes and consequences of these to Jesus to be Lord of (make it part of His Kingdom).

Repent, especially of bitterness; root of bitterness and unforgiveness and of wrong attitudes to others or yourself, especially self-pity. Forgive other people and yourself. You may need to pray: “Lord I forgive all and myself. Help me to forgive please” and/or “Lord I repent. Help me to repent please”.

In Jesus’ Name cast Satan out as He no longer has no right to be there as these matters have now been given to Jesus and now belong to The Kingdom of God.  Satan cannot touch them without God’s permission and has to leave when commanded to do so in Jesus’ Name.

In Jesus, Name command healing and restoration of the damage Satan did to you.

Ask Holy Spirit to fill you completely and to take place of the demons that have left you.

You can say it your heart for you and Jesus alone to hear as long as the prayer in steps 3 and 4 are whispered, even if only you can hear them.

The Remember this is a spiritual battle fought with spiritual weapons and must be seen from a spiritual perspective. You did not ask for the emotional trauma or abuse, but rather it was thrust upon you. God has thrust you into a spiritual battle for which you are ready (or he would not  have allowed it) and for which He will provide all the spiritual weapons you need to fight the battle with and the people to stand beside you and help you in this fight.

Remember! God Loves you and all that happens to you is a result of His Love and is best for you. He may not desire it happening to you but has allowed it as it is best for you in your situation. So never doubt God’s Love, Control. Purposes or Plans for you as there is nothing else left if you do and you will become depressed and despair. All you need to do is repent and use the five steps to deal with these things and as you are taking all to Jesus you will have a strength that others will wonder at and will be kept by your faith in Him and His Love and Control through this most trying of times.

Deliverance from the effects of the abuse is a release to a new life and the freedom to be the person God wants you to be. The old must go for the new to come and the more you hold onto of the old the more painful will be the stress from the abuse. But if you give it all to Jesus there is no past to hold onto (Luke 9:62) and He can restore of it what He wants too (and what you let Him restore) or replace it with something better.

Spiritual warfare is dealt with on my website nevillesalvett.com.  You will need to know how to do this so you can help yourself and others to fight the attacks of Satan.

Remember, if you resist the demon and do not remove it they are always there to attack you.  This is why you should remove them using the framework of the five steps.

In Closing

Jesus is always there to help you and The Holy Spirit is always there to guide you.  How much you ask their help will depend on how much you trust them.

Remember they are Love so that you can always trust them.

You may not be able to trust a person but they are there and can always be trusted.

Neville Salvetti