Decision making in the betrothal period

Jesus must be Lord of it

If Jesus is your Lord all you decide will be in accordance with His Will.  So:

Where the Bible is obvious the choices you must make you do what it says.

Where it is not clear, you ask The Holy Spirit what you do as He will tell you what God wants you to know and/or  do

If God says nothing them put it aside and ask later as He does not want you to know unless sin or a demon is blockading you hearing The Holy Spirit.

If a demon is blocking you cast it to the throne of Judgment in Jesus’ Name and ask The Holy Spirit to take its place.

Where sin is involved repentance is needed (The Five Steps will help you with this)

God may not tell you the answer so that Satan will not know it and try to hinder it or so you cannot try to alter it in any way

Seeking God’s Will stops you making decision for selfish purposes as you only make them for the sake of The Kingdom when you make them in accordance with God’s Will.

Unity in the spirit

If there is unity in the spirit you will know in your mind what the other person is thinking at times as you are both walking in unity in The Spirit and as a result along a similar path so He will tell you similar things at the same time.  It is not the reading of the mind of another but of the both hearing at the same or similar time what The Holy Spirit desires you both to do for Jesus.

Each of you have your own path to walk in but both also have a path as a married or betrothed couple and this path is common to both.  When your objective is to solely do the will of God all three paths closely align with each other and all three paths may even merge as one.

You will say some things and it will be what your spouse is thinking at the time or wanted to say.  If you disagree then The Spirit is to be consulted so He can explain what He needs to so that unity is obtained again.


I reinforce that all major decisions, especially involving finances should be made together.  However small amounts can be spent without consulting the other spouse.  You need to ask The Holy Spirit what this small amount is as well as what He wants any of these small amounts spent on.  This will facilitate purchase of groceries, petrol etc., when the need arises and not later after consultation with each other.

If you are both united in The Spirit you will already know what the Will of God is so it will be like rubber stamping any decision or request the other spouse makes.

The Holy Spirit is always there to guide you and explain what you need to know.

The husband will have the final say in anything domestic but if he is listening to The Spirit the result will be beneficial to all.

Problem Resolution

A dispute settlement system is needed for when there are problems or disagreements.  If you walk in the unity of The Holy Spirit these should never arise.  It is suggested the following be observed:

Do not assume anything (so Satan can not guide your thinking)

Do not react (so Satan cant use the habits of the past to guide you)

Remember, disagreement is not rejection so do not reject a person because you disagree with them

Ask The Holy Spirit for Guidance as well as how to show God’s Love in the situation.

Observe God’s delegated authority lines.

Dispute Reconciliation

The marriage that stays together is one that resolves problems in a Godly way and these mechanisms should be set up before matrimony so they are in place for the state of matrimony (living together as  husband and wife).

To expose yourself to someone you must trust their love for you, that they accept you as you are, warts and all and not as you think you should be. This means they can help you with the warts and will understand better any problems you have that may have help cause the situation you are reconciling over.

Wrong altitudes to your future spouse turns them inwards and stops communication outwards and will build up walls if not dealt with.  The focus turns from Jesus to them self and their inadequateness so they feel unacceptable to them self and the spouse they must face.

One or both spouses may need to deal with self rejection, self hatred, low self-esteem, value or worth, false guilt, shame or condemnation or fear of the other persons love. Deliverance may the needed before reconciliation can start.  Deliverance is needed as is the realisation they were forgiven at Calvary and all they need to do is repent, and that all shame guilt and condemnation were dealt with at Calvary and all that you feel of these is a result of Satan placing these on you and are not from God.


God is a forgiving God, so should betrothed people be with each other.

Love forgives.  Love may hate what the person does but forgives the person and helps them to overcome any problems they have as they appreciate who the person is in Jesus.

Love as God Loves and you will have a marriage people will envy and God can bless and use for His Glory and Purposes.

Note that unforgiveness not repented of will destroy the marriage and lead to loss of your salvation