A woman may give up a great deal when she marries:
Her Local Church fellowship.
She needs to know that her future husband will step into the space in her life through her giving up any of these things.
In the betrothal period the future husband must give her the confidence that what she has given up to marry him he will replace with equal or better.
The way you relate in the betrothal may make or break the marriage or establish a solid foundation for the marriage.
If both betrothed people follow God’s principle, for the relationship and the husband builds up the future wife’s security, so she trusts in him, the marriage will begin on a secure footing.
To do this, deliverance of one or both of the betrothed may be necessity.
The betrothal period is the foundation for the marriage and will only be as successful to the degree both are willing to work at it on a Godly way. You will reap what-you saw and what was sown into the betrothal will be reaped in the marriage
Sow wisely and you will reap a happy marriage. Sow unwisely and you maybe better off not being married.
From before creation your life was known to God and planned by Him. In that plan was a person to marry. God knew who it was and planted in your heart an image of that person so that your spirit would recognise them and ‘jump for joy’ when you met them.
This book hopes to help you recognise this person and inform you how to behave in the betrothal stage of this precious relationship God has planned for you.
May it bless you as it has blessed me in the writing of it.
The expression of Love is never boring
It has eternal consequences of value
If God’s type of Love is the motivation in your life
Then its expression will have eternal value
The following prophecy was given to me as I was writing this book and contains God’s promise to those who follow Him correctly in these relationships of betrothal and marriage:
I have given you a partner for life.
Love them as I love them, as I have commanded you to love
Serve Me by serving them as I do
Out of love for them
Listen to My Holy Spirit
As He guides you in this relationship
So that I can Bless it
Because I can use it to serve Me
To bring healing to others and further My Kingdom
If both seek me in this relationship
You will have the fulfilment I desire for you in this relationship
And it will reflect My Glory and purposes in all it does
Neville Salvetti (22 April 2007)
Definitions used in this book
The preparation period for marriage where a couple learn to relate in a Godly way to each other
‘court’ = to pay attention with the aim of obtaining favour
‘-ship’ = behaviour
So courtship is the behaviour of seeking favour of another with the objective of marrying them (getting their attention).
The announcement of two people entering into a future matrimonial relationship
‘be’ = belong too
‘-trothed’ = truth (its original meaning)
So betrothed people truthfully belong to each other (as God has put them together).
This really refers to the act of marriage and not married life. Matrimony correctly refers to that. I use marriage in this booklet as matrimony is not a word used these days to describe the married state.
‘mar’ = one who mars
‘-age = that which belongs or is a function related to
So marriage act is the act of marring something. It is the act that removes the virginity of a man and woman and mars it. It culminates the betrothal period which is the period of preparation for marriage.
This is really the word to describe the married state.
‘Matri’ = mother
‘-mony’ = occurring only in
A mother is so important in the marriage that the word used to describe marriage (matrimony) is derived from the word for mother. This is why Satan does so much to destroy women as destroying them destroys the household.
It is so different to most other relationships because: God initiates it, puts you both together, trains you in the betrothal period for the act of marriage and matrimony and then blesses the union for His sake and of course, your best. It is up to you to do your part in this process as God can only do His side of the work He is doing in you.
So this book is about betrothal and the preparation for matrimony.
The proper definition of this has nothing to do with marriage but refers to a period in literature and music that deals usually with imaginative and fictional subjects which are not real. Romantic means to have the quality of romance in form or content.
A worldly romance is Satan’s idea of courtship. It can seen how true this description is of what Satan offers as romance in place of what Jesus requires of a betrothed couple. Romance only applies to courtship (Satan’s way of getting a wife). In romance a person does things to win a persons affections. In God’s way He brings you your future spouse and says “marry her and love her as I do”.
What the world calls romantic should be really an outflow and result of the love of betrothed people for each other and not a cause to try and get the other to love you.
God says “Here she is! Show your worthy of her love and respect her!”. Satan says: “Impress her with your possessions and personality and show your worthwhile as a catch”.
Betrothal and The kingdom of God
The betrothal period is one of the most important periods in the life of a person. It is the preparatory time for marriage in which the attitudes and habits are formed in regard to the future spouse that you will take into your marriage and which will be built on by God during the marriage, providing you let The Holy Spirit lead you in the preparation of the marriage. Most marriages fail before they start as this preparatory time is not approached properly and so the marriage starts on a wrong foundation, at times for the wrong reasons and ends up falling apart. This is especially so if the marriage has been based on romance and emotion for the purposes of self-esteem or self-gratification and not because it is a betrothal by God for the purposes of The Kingdom of God.
If the betrothal period is correctly lived as God wants it to be, then the only differences between that and matrimony is that you now live together, are able to share everything and can have sex.
This booklet aims to give you an understanding of this period of betrothal so that the foundation for the marriage will be correctly formed and you will have a firm basis on which to continue to build on in the marriage so that it will be liverd as citizens of God should live in a the marriage relationship.
Guidelines for using this book
It is suggested this book be read together by a betrothed couple so they can discuss any problems they have in regard to what it suggests they do. It may also be suitable for class discussion. Use it as The Holy Spirit says to. After all He is your teacher (Job 32:8)
I give you the following suggestions
Ask The Holy Spirit to give you understanding of what you read in this book
Put into practice what you read or else your effort reading this book will be wasted
Always do what The Holy Spirit says and not what man writes or says.
The following prayer may be useful
Lord, we give you our betrothal and ask you Holy Spirit to guide us and teach us what we need to know to prepare for marriage. We ask you to show how we should relate to you and to each other in this betrothal relationship so that we bring You Honour and Glory as we learn what we need to know to prepare ourselves for marriage. So Lord Jesus we give you the whole betrothal situation to be Lord of.
Satan you have no right to work in these areas now as it belongs to Jesus so in Jesus Name go to the Throne of Grace and be judged. Holy Spirit take his place please.
Than you Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
The rules of The Kingdom apply to a betrothal’
The basic rule of The Kingdom is to love others as God Loves you and there are no exceptions provided by God in regard to not obeying this command.
Jesus is Lord and you serve Him with what you do including who you marry and how you relate to them so you need to determine whom He wants you to marry and not do what the world says you should do to find a wife.
You must not be unequally yoked spiritually 2 Cor 6:14
You belong to a different Kingdom of that of the world with different values and purposes so must marry someone with the same Christian values and purposes.
Being unequally yoked will stop the relationship walking in unity of Spirit (Amos 3:3) because your spirits belong to different kings and cannot ever be one
You can be unequally yoked if you are led by The Holy Spirit and your betrothed refuses to be personally led or believe you can be led by The Holy Spirit. There can be a unity in the common spirit but not as God wants as you are both not led by The Spirit to be able to hear what He wants you both to do for Him in the betrothal period and marriage.
In regard to choosing a wife:
It must be God’s Will for the couple
You must be Spirit led in choosing spouse so you will know the one God wants for you
You must know how to discern The Will of God
You must be certain you are to marry them before you start the betrothal period
The purposes of The King overrides all other purposes if only because they are best for you and if these purposes are followed in the betrothal period then you will be blessed in a special way in your marriage.