The attitudes a betrothed person should have in betrothal and subsequent marriage is love, the same type of Love God has for each of us.
In the pre–betrothal, betrothal and matrimony stages the only difference should be the degree of intimacy. The quality of love your have for each other should not change in any of these stages. Only the way God allows your to express it changes.
While love to our spouse will be a natural expression of how your feel toward them it will require will power and effort at times to carry out what our love desires to do for them.
This will be because :
Satan is trying to stop you expressing your love to your spouse
You do not know how to express it properly
We need to give up or change something in our lifestyle to be able to You your love to them correctly. This is often the biggest reason for love not being expressed. (Deliverance may be necessary for this to be possible)
Fear of exposure (self-protection as your still do not yet fully trust the love of your betrothed).
Satan will try to turn your love into lust and harm the relationship and only true self disciplined love for your betrothed will prevent this.
How should your love your betrothed:
We are to love our betrothed as Jesus loves them!
We should rejoice that God has given our a betrothed and all that goes with it that are signs of His blessings towards you, and you should be thankful to Him for these.
In the peace you have with your betrothed because of the unity in The Spirit you have with your betrothed and all you can do together because of your love for each other.
In the patience you express to your betrothed as you seek to serve them and train them in the way God wants them trained
Tenderness in the way you relate toy our future spouse and any children they have out of your love for them
Seeking the best for your betrothed because you love them
Trusting God for all that happens to you in the courtship and the later marriage relationship
In humility serving your betrothed as God serves them in all He does for you and they
Moderation in all you do so that you can provide for your betrothed and not corrupt them through immoderation.
Love for our betrothed is the motivation for all you do for them
The way of the person who expresses God’s Love to their Spouse
A person who loves their betrothed will be patient with and tolerant of any problems they have as you work with God to help their future spouse overcome any weaknesses you and they have.
They are gentle and compassionate and do only what helps them and their betrothed grow closer to Jesus and The Father as well as mature into what God wants them to mature into
They do not envy what God has allowed others to do and help them in any way they can as they Serve Jesus out of love for Him and not for the purposes of self-esteem, self-worth or of any other benefit to them. They do not use the successes of their betrothed for purposes of their own self-esteem
They do not promote their own abilities in the relationship when it will cause others to feel inadequate or worthless
The do not embarrass their betrothed through inappropriate behaviour either to them, their future spouse or others
They do not promote them self if it means their spouse or family will be brought into disrepute or emotionally damaged in any way
They are not upset by things their betrothed does to them and serves them in spite of what their betrothed does to them just God serves your in spite of our rejection of Him
They do not look for evil in their betrothed or denigrate them in any way or think wrong things about them but accept them as they are, build on that and help them be the person God wants their betrothed to be
They rejoice in the good their betrothed does and in the character and strength of God in their betrothed
They do not complain when their betrothed wrongs them but seeks God for how to help their betrothed overcome weaknesses they have
They look always positive at their betrothed and their relationship with God, helping them to overcome any weaknesses you have.
They seek what benefits (is good for) their betrothed as good stewards of them and help them become more intimate (closer to God)
They are never angry at their betrothed, react to them or assume things about them. They always ask The Holy Spirit what to do before they act.
Their relationship with God enables them to relate to their betrothed in a correct manner.
If there is any fear of your betrothed or of the coming marriage then one or both of your need deliverance and should have it as soon as you can so Satan cannot use any weakness in the marriage to harm one or both of you.
There should be no fear in love. Your should never put fear in your betrothed in any way or at any time as it will slowly kill the love they have for you.
Love covers (overlooks) the sins (failings/weaknesses) of your betrothed and will help them with deliverance from these weaknesses and will support them as you both try and deal with the weaknesses or failings.
Not wanting to give up what you have to change by holding onto past things your enjoy is probably the biggest hindrance to a person expressing their love (in the way God wants them to express it) to their betrothed (Luke 9:62). There may also be a fear of exposure of who you are because you still do not fully trust the love your betrothed has for you. Self–protectedness also destroys a marriage very quickly.
All of these thing show a need for deliverance which is why I recommend betrothed people go through deliverance before they are married to remove problems Satan can use to attack the marriage.
You cannot express God’s Love when your cannot express Jesus in your life as His love is expressed as a natural outflow of The Holy Spirit working in and through your life.
If your cannot express God’s love in an area then Jesus is not in that area and deliverance or Lordship commitment will be needed to deal with this inability to express God’s Love to others in that area. your may need deliverance in an area to be able to love your betrothed as Jesus desires your to love them.
What are your willing to give up to show your love to your betrothed in the way Jesus Love her? Jesus gave up all to show His Love to His Bride (The Body).
Gentleness (kindness out of compassion and love)
People who love as Jesus loves cannot willingly hurt another or be harsh with them. This term ‘gentleness’ portrays this. It is kindness and compassion to others out of love for them. It is the attitude Jesus has with sinners and the unlovely that the world discards and that many have difficulty relating too. It is an expression of the Love Jesus has to all.
The betrothed should be a gentle man in all he does with and for his future spouse both during the betrothal period and in the marriage. She is a gift from God and should be treated as such.
He should never raise his voice, shout at, abuse her or intimidate here in any way. These will cause her to doubt his love to her or put fear in her. Love is gentle and this should showed in all he does for or with her. When he talks it should edify her in some way or praise her to others. It should be sound speech seasoned with grace, building her up in an area of her life and encouraging her in her femininity.
The husband who is gentle to, considerate of and appreciate of his wife, showing love in all he does in relationship to her will be rewarded by her increased desire and love for him, both physically and spiritually as well as the loving, respectful service she will give to him.
Love given will have a response of love reciprocated from the person you show this love too. This is the key to a marriage, for the husband to love his wife as Jesus love her so that she feels sufficiently secure in the relationship to love him back with the same type of love and to emotionally and physically express herself freely and lovingly towards him. This type of Love is matured in the betrothal period and reaches its fulfilment in the act of marriage.
The Bible says of true Christian Love:
‘Against such there is no law’
Against such there can be no law as Love fulfils God’s requirements of The Law and the ‘fruit of the Spirit’ is the expression of God’s Love to us, and through us, to all.
As your show God’s Love to your betrothed your will fulfil Gods requirements of you and you will relate to your betrothed as God desires your too.
How does a person encourage a person to love
They heal any hurts stopping them being able to love
They accept them as they are so they can be them self
They serve them in love so that know they are worth loving
They listen to them so they know they are worth listening to and will not be afraid to express them self
They praise them as appropriate criticise constructively and in humility
Nothing is worth doing or keeping if it hinders the Love of God being expressed
No service is to menial if it expresses the Love of God
Love should be the source of all you do
What is not of love is sin.
Love makes a person feel secure
Love and Security
In a marriage or betrothal relationship the only way to have a spouse who is secure is to love her as Jesus does and then she will respond as God desires her too.’’
This will also stop Satan placing doubt or fear in her about your love for her so that there will be no walls or barriers built up in the relationship with her.
Self discipline is required to start and maintain a relationship so that you relate as God wants you to and so that the ‘flesh’ (lustful desires) do not rule the relationship. Your will must over ride any wrong desires you have in respect of the other person so that you can love them as God loves them
A relationship built on God’s type of Love will last. One built on the flesh will last as long as the flesh is satisfied. This is why it is necessary to be led by The Holy Spirit in all you do so that He will guide you to relate as God desires you too.
In the betrothal period all you need for the marriage is to be worked at and the basis of this effort is Love.