When a man takes his betrothed out he should remember that he is a steward of her and must look after her properly to ensure her needs are met before his own. This attitude carries on into the marriage so you need to ensure you develop this stewardship in the betrothal period so it becomes second nature in your lifestyle now and later in the marriage.
The Man is responsible for all her needs to the degree she will let him meet them but his lack of acceptance by her does not mean he can stop trying to meet them until God says to stop trying.
Stewardship is not control. It is serving the needs of others by protecting them and meeting their needs. There must be a form of control so he can do what is necessary. But it is not the control ownership has but control to do the purposes of the owner, Jesus.
Women need to remember that their future husband is doing his best to be a good steward of them and love them as Jesus does. Women need to cooperate and practice submitting domestically to their future spouse. Going out is a domestic arrangement and it is good practice for them to practice headship and submission for the future marriage. What woman does not want to be waited on and served by her future spouse!
Unless a woman submits domestically to her husband and respect the authority Jesus has given him domestically a man cannot love the woman as Jesus desires him to love her.
The future husband should behave as a gentleman so that the woman feels appreciated and loved. This will help her submit. Besides, if he truly loves her he will serve her needs and she will submit so that he can serve her.
Submission just does not happen. It needs to be learned and the betrothal period is a good time for the future wife to learn this and practice it, especially in a day where Satan cries out in the media that all are equal domestically and a woman can do anything a man can do and by this attitude Satan tries to hide the fact that male and female have different God-given roles in a marriage. This does not mean they do not help each other but that when they do the person with the role is in charge of the situation.
The betrothal and subsequent engagement period allows the future husband to learn how to love and serve his future wife so that she will be able to respond and desire to submit to his love for her and he is able to exercise his stewardship of her correctly.
The man will not be judged on how his spouse dealt with headship but with what they did with it. There is no loophole in regard to obedience to Jesus . It is all or nothing. You are either obeying or you are not. There is no half-obedience or ‘way out’ of the requirement to obey Jesus in headship and submission.
Appreciation of your betrothed spouse
One of the keys to marriage is the proper appreciation of your betrothed:
Appreciation of who they are in Jesus
Appreciation of who they are as a person
Appreciation of what they do for you
Never take for granted anything they do for you. When you stop appreciating them they stop being someone special in your eyes. When this happens they may doubt your love for them as well as their worth to you.
When you appreciate them for who they are and what they do for you, you will show your love for them as well as their worth to you. Appreciate your future partner and they will respond to this. Do not show appreciation and they will gradually withdraw. Love appreciates people for who they are and not necessarily for what they do so appreciation will need to be made regardless of mistakes made by your betrothed.
When your betrothed sees they do not have to be perfect and can make mistakes without being rejected then they will be free to be them self and express them self to you and become the person Jesus wants them to be!
When you speak words of love to your betrothed they must be words of truth that can be performed either in the betrothal period or in the marriage. If you promise her the earth make certain you can give her the earth.
It it is not what you say at Times that is important but how you say it.
It is no use speaking words of love in a way that shows you are not sincere or you do not really mean what you say.
When you talk to your spouse, mean what you say and she will be secure in the relationship with you knowing That there is no hidden agenda towards her that you are hiding through hypocritical speech.
There is nothing worse than false words of love. Your future spouse will be devastated and all trust between you and them will be shaken to such a degree you may even find God removes them from you and gives them to someone more worthy.
If God has joined you together then your love will be true and pure so that false words will never deliberately occur between you and your spouse. Whatever you say will build up your future spouse, develop the relationship with them and prepare for the matrimonial relationship.
Expression of love
When a man and a woman love each other deeply they do not need to speak words of love to each other. Their love can be seen in the way they touch, look at each other, show consideration for each other or serve each other. As they put the needs of their spouse before their own needs they show their love for their spouse.
Their love is apparent in the way they relate to each other and speak to each other without it actually having to be stated as being there.
One of the problem in the western world is that many people are not taught manners, (which is how to behave as gentleman or gentlewoman). Through the control of the media Satan has managed to remove manners, appreciation and consideration of others so that generations have grown up not showing respect or consideration to others because self-interest and pleasure are now the driving force in many societies. As the principles of how God wants us to relate are abandoned so has been the consideration and respect we are to show others.
To be a gentle woman or gentleman requires thinking of others and showing them respect as well as being self-disciplined to control yourself to be able to do this. Satan does not want these things in people so has removed these attitudes as much as he can, from society and the media he controls.
If you love your betrothed you will learn how to behave towards them as a gentle person would.
You are a citizen of The Kingdom of God and should show His manners and behaviour to all others, let alone the person you are going to marry.
If you have God’s Love you will learn to be the gentlewoman or gentleman God requires you to be as a representative of His. If you love your betrothed you will learn how to show them manners and treat them as a loved person.
Betrothal and Marriage require effort
The Betrothal and the marriage are hard work at times as you have to change habits and attitudes to love another as Jesus loves them as well as to do what is necessary for the betrothal or marriage to be as God wants it to be.
It just does not happen by itself!
Your love for your spouse and the desire to serve them and give them joy and happiness is the encouragement driving you to make the effort to change. When that desire declines the marriage declines and may eventually die.
If you believe God has put you together as a betrothed couple then not to work at the relationship is disobedience to Jesus and later will result in the breaking of the marriage vows to love each other. It is also bad stewardship of the love and the relationship He has given you with your future spouse.
God cannot and will not bless a marriage that is in rebellion to him. He will bless any faithful individuals in the marriage but the marriage cannot be used or blessed by Him as He wants to use it and bless it.
After the marriage occurs it is easy to get complacent in the relationship so that you no longer show your love for your spouse either in word or deed and sex becomes a formality. The initial excitement being lost, the woman often feels when having sex, used, or like prostitute and she starts to die as a person and becomes resentful to her husband as he does not love her as he should..
To stop this complacency also requires effort so that your attitude of love to and desire to be with your spouse stays with you all the marriage. The easiest way to stop this decline in feelings for your spouse is to thank God each day for them and for who they are (His gift to you) and to never stop appreciating them and telling them of your love for them for who they are and to also express this love in thought, word and deed (loving service).
It always helps to speak positively (Phil. 4:8) of your betrothed and of what they do, showing appreciation of and gratitude for their loving service of you. There will opportunities to show your love and support as well as your desire to help them be the person they have the potential to be so use these wisely. Judgment, perfectionistic standards and negative criticism quickly kill a marriage.
Serving your betrothed
In heaven people willingly serve others. There is no thought for themselves or protecting hurts or emotions as these are no longer a problem in heaven
If you have problems loving others or serving them then you need to deal with the hurts that causes this in you. Deliverance may be necessary
When you naturally have an attitude of loving service to others so that you do not consider your own needs but consider the needs of others then you have the attitude you need to prepare for life in heaven
This is the natural altitude you should have to your betrothed as well as to others
Betrothal is the time to prepare for Matrimony (a Recap)
Preparation for all aspects of marriage but without the sex
Develop the attitudes as husband and wife should have to each other
Learn to walk in unity of purpose as guided by The Holy Spirit
Same servant attitude to each other as God has to them
A chance to put into practice attitudes needed in the marriage
The same love for each that Jesus has for them
A time to practice domestic headship and submission in a correct way and to iron out any problems that may occur in this area.
There is no marriage during the betrothal period so headship is not relevant theoretically but:
It is a chance to practice headship roles and to find out what problems each have with it.
A chance to develop the skill of being a gentleman and serving His future wife’s needs
A chance to practice and to trust Jesus for the domestic roles they are to have in marriage and prepare themselves for them. (Headship is domestic not spiritual)
They are spiritually equal before and after the marriage only in domestic arrangement does headship apply so this spiritual equality needs to be developed (Gal 3:28)
Need to learn submission (resulting from their love to each other) to the needs of each other as they will have in marriage.
Remember. We serve Jesus and as directed others so when serving our spouse it will be what Jesus tells us to do for them or has shown in His Bible or in the past we need to do for them. Even so it is good to check with The Holy Spirit at times as having done something one way does not mean we are to do it the same way next time.
A person cannot give you loving service if you do not submit to them so this inability to accept service is also something that may need to be dealt with in the betrothal period.
Domestic submission is for order in the marriage
God will require husband to give account of his headship
God will require wife to give an account of her submission
The betrothal period is a chance to practice how you will relate to each other in preparation for marriage
Without authority lines the marriage will descend into anarchy or chaos so headship is very important in a marriage because of the order it keeps.
You will not ask for anyone you love to sin
Anything against God’s laws
All you do will be out of pure love for them
A time of getting to know each other spiritually
Physical appearance not important
Looks deceive and will fade away
Sex corrupts the relationship (does he want me or my body?)
God has chosen future spouse so it does not matter what they look like
Love looks at the heart and spirit and desires them for who they are and not because of their body or abilities (as the world does and as Satan promotes). Marriage is a spiritual thing so that the physical should not be determinative in the relationship.
A time of joining to each other through finding out
What you have in common
What you need to adjust for that you do not have in common
What you need to remove from your life for a successful marriage
Whether any deliverance is needed to remove problems in the relationship
You need to led by The Holy Spirit when interacting and resolving problems
Where forgiveness is needed learn to forgive or apologise and ask for forgiveness
Where you have offended another learn to go to them for forgiveness
Where there are differences of opinion you need to learn as a couple to consult The Holy Spirit and do the Will of Jesus that He reveals to you.
Where there is any lack of trust in the spouse you need to find out why and deal with it through deliverance.
Never argue, react or assume as Satan uses these f0r his purposes but ask The Holy Spirit what to do in a situation.
Encourage each others masculinity or femininity
The future husband must encourage the femininity and development of the roles the his future wife will have
The Future wife must encourage the masculinity and the development of the roles her future husband will have
Demands should not be made on the other that are not in the job description God has made for Christians in regard to their sexuality or roles as a betrothed and later married couple.
Pray for your betrothed
You need to pray for each other
Ask their permission to pray for them and give them permission to pray for you.
Pray for each others spiritual growth and maturity
Do any deliverance you need for each other
Pray for marriage preparations and honeymoon
Cultural conventions should be observed where possible
As God has chosen the couple the parents permission to marry is not necessary unless the laws of the land require it (underage or under a legal disability but then God will not ask what cannot be done).
God is a higher authority than parents
Parents, if Christians, should accept the partner of their child if God has chosen this partner for their child
Remember! Because Satan controls the world media he has been able to promote his way of finding a wife and subsequent behaviour during the betrothal period and by this hides God’s values and ways in these matters. Through his control of the media Satan has effectively negated the knowledge of God’s plans in these matters so that even the church does not know how God wants the betrothal period to be lived as Jesus wants it lived.
Praying together should also be a common practice as should sharing the blessings of the day and the reading the bible after the evening meal. There should also be times of encouraging each other as well as discussing with each other how to help them with any problems they have.
Betrothed Couples and spiritual warfare
Betrothed couples need to give each other authority to conduct spiritual warfare for them. This is so they can command deliverance on their betrothed when they do not know they need it or are not present.