When a woman gives herself to a man she loves through the sex act she gives herself completely to him: mind, body, emotions, love, soul — her complete self. She also risks pregnancy and all the pain it has for her as well as the demands of motherhood. There is a lot at stake for a woman having sex with her husband.
Her husband needs to appreciate all she is risking to give him pleasure out of her love for him. He needs to treat her as fragile and valuable emotionally so that he does not crush her in some way and she feels used and like a prostitute. He needs to show he loves her by the tenderness he shows her as he gives her the pleasure she desires so she cvan respond and give to him the pleasure he desires.
Lust will make her feel a sexual object so he needs to show Christian love so she feels truly loved as she is given pleasure by her husband and gives him pleasure in return.
Do you desire to destroy your wife? Then criticise her appearance and performance in the sex act and use her for your own pleasure without giving her any of real worth.