Copyright © 2017 by Neville Salvetti
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.
First Printing: 2017
150 Forest Rd
Miranda, New South Wales, Australia, 2228
Table of Contents
People have bondages in their life from past hurts that often cause the pain and which seem difficult to remove. Th is book is about how to deal with these bondages and remove them from your life so you will have the freedom Jesus promises you.
Mat 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Jn 6:38 (KJV) If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
Jesus has risen, Because of this you can be freed from the emotional mess you are in. Jesus can deliver you from it and restore you to wholeness.
This book has various sections designed to help you with this:
The first section has prayers to free you from the emotional mess you are in.
The second section discusses how to hear The Holy Spirit as well as how to deal with, Satan amongst other things.
The next section discuss matters Jesus wishes you to know The last section is a general discussion on the bondage itself. An appendix discusses the five steps used to attack Satan
and through these remove him from attacking you as well
as do any deliverance that is needed to be done on yourself.
May God bless you with the freedom you desire as you read this book. To God alone is the Glory for all that happens to you as a result of reading this book
Satan tries to stop you being free
Satan tries to damage you to stop you raising godly children and to prevent you later from teaching young people how to be godly parents and raise godly children.
Satan needs to keep you bound so that you will not be a threat to him and also so that he can use you for his purposes and hinder the work of The Kingdom of God. To do this he has to make you believe that you will never escape the abuse and its effects on you, even if you leave the area of influence of the abuser.
This is a lie as Jesus has promised He will always make away to deal with the situation that is adversely affecting you in some way (1 Cor 10:13).
To deal with the abuse you need to give it to Jesus to be Lord of which is dealt with later in this book.
You need to give your cause to Jesus to deal with and then ask the help of Jesus to love the abuser as He does. You must ensure that you forgive the abuser as that will remove any negative attitudes towards the abuser and enable you not to react to the abuser and see your circumstances as they really are.
Only as you trust Jesus fully for all that happens will you be able to survive the abuse and overcome it.
I use a five step process to deal with problems which can also deal with abuse abd its effects on you.
The five steps used to fight personal attacks of Satan are as fol- lows:
Give the matter, event, weakness, area, problem, their causes. any consequences of these and all associated matters to Jesus to be Lord of (make it part of His Kingdom).
Repent, especially of bitterness; root of bitterness and unforgiveness and of wrong attitudes to others or yourself, especially self-pity. Forgive other people and yourself. You may need to pray: “Lord I forgive all and myself. Help me to forgive please” and/or “Lord I repent. Help me to repent please”.
In Jesus’ Name cast Satan out as He no longer has no right to be there as these matters have now been given to Jesus and now belong to The Kingdom of God. Satan cannot touch them without God’s permission and has to leave when commanded to do so in Jesus’ Name.
In Jesus, Name command healing of all the damage Satan did to you and restoration of the loss you suffered from what Satan did to you.
Ask Holy Spirit to fill you completely and to take place of the demons that have left you.
This Lordship prayer removes any attacking demons so they cannot torment you.
Give it to Jesus
Cast out Satan
Healing and restoration
Filling of The Holy Spirit.
Prayer to pray before reading the rest of this book.
The following may be copied and used freely providing the only charge made for it is to cover costs of printing and distribution.
The following is a prayer Jesus gave me to give to people to take them through deliverance, removing any bondages they give to Jesus and it is broken into five easy to understandable steps.
All but steps three and four can be prayed silently in your heart. Steps three and four can be whispered so only you, God and Satan hears them being commanded.
This prayer can be said without the need of another to be there so that only you and Jesus knows what is being prayed. If you are hesitant about praying this prayer remember it is a Lordship prayer and not a confrontation with a demon;l.
Give to Jesus, quietly in your heart, anything that troubles you. You do not need to name the sin(s) but just the area the sin or problem is in you desire Jesus to be Lord of. All you need to do is to agree to give it in your heart for Jesus to be Lord of.
So give to Jesus (that is relevant) any:
Moral weaknesses you have
Sins you have trouble defeating
Loveless acts toward others
Circumstances or events you are anxious or concerned/worried about.
Wrong emotions, habits, attitudes, values or wrong coping mechanisms you have
Wrong understanding, knowledge and learning, wrong worship or attitudes to God
Hurtful memories you have that cause you problems of any kind.
Wrong relationships you have
Betrothal (engagement) and social activities
Marriage, family and any problems in that area
Fear of Authority
Fear of Failure
All others fears
Any wrong agreements or contracts or similar…whether or not you know you have made them
Past hurts, traumatic events and other events that have hurt you in ally way
Anything, in you or that you have done that is, not of Jesus or His Kingdom which He is not already Lord of. Whether or not you know they are there,
Anything The Holy Spirit tells you now to give to Him for Jesus to be Lord of and to make certain you have not missed anything,
Give Jesus also the causes, results of all these things as well as anything else associated with them.
Lord, Jesus, I want you to be Lord of all my life. I give it to all You, as well as anything that stands between You and me, whether or not I know they are there. Show me these things Lord that separate us so I can deal with them as you desire me to deal with them. I want to do Your will in all I do Lord, and I ask You to help me to do this. I give it all to you Jesus, for You to be Lord of so that You are Lord of all I am.
The Lord says you are to forgive everyone who has hurt you in any way. If you deliberately do not forgive anyone who has hurt you, the Father in heaven cannot forgive your wrongs against Him. So you do not go to heaven (Matt 6:14-15).
You may need to pray as follows
Jesus, I forgive all who have hurt me.
Lord! Help me to forgive those I have problems forgiving. So I can obey you in this area,
Give any problems you have reconciling to another as this is usually caused by unforgiveness or fear of man (or woman).
You may need to pray: as follows:
Lord Help me to reconcile to those I need to reconcile too and to do what I need to do this.
You may also need to repent of a sin you know you are doing.
You may need to pray:
Lord I repent of …(name the sin), and I want to stop doing anything that I am doing that is wrong. Help me to do this and I give it to you to be Lord of so you can be completely Lord of my life.
Now command Satan to leave and to take all He did to you with him. to and to go to Jesus:
Satan I have given all, these areas of my life, to Jesus to be Lord of. So you must go from these areas in Jesus’ Name to the Throne of Judgment to be dealt with by Jesus. In Jesus' Name you are, to take with you everything in, on or around me or that you have done to me at any time.
In accordance with the Will of God, I command in Jesus' Name healing of everything Satan did to me and In Jesus' Name 1 command restoration of the sound mind as well as all else that Satan took from me.
Holy Spirit please fill me completely, refresh me and anoint me to serve Jesus as an obedient citizen of the Kingdom of God, and member of The Body of believers on earth.
The following prayer gives permission to Jesus to do whatever He needs to do for you without asking your permission and needs to be prayed only once or repeated only if The Holy Spirit says to do so:
Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, ministering angels.- I give you all permission to do anything you need to do too me or for me without the need to ask my permission to do these things.
Satan will try and convince you by placing thoughts or feelings in you or emotions on you that you have not been delivered. Just give these to Jesus using the following five steps which form the basis of the prayer above.
The five steps in summary
Give it to Jesus to be Lord of
Repent, forgive, reconcile
Cast out Satan
Command healing and restoration
Ask Holy Spirit to fill you completely
You need to find people who will help you in your Christian life and encourage you in its trials as Satan will try and isolate you from them so that it is easier for him to deceive or doubt God’s Love for you.
You need to study The Bible so that you know what God’s Will for you is and to hear The Holy Spirit so He can guide you when you are not certain of what God’s Will for you is.
The decisions you make will determine your salvation and you will have only yourself to blame if you do not get to heaven as it is your decisions that will stop you going there.
There are five facets to walking as God desires you too in your role as a Citizen of The Kingdom of God and a member of His Body:
Now to comment on the above five points
Giving to Jesus all to be Lord of
Jesus owns everything so you are only giving to Him your attitude towards a thing and not the actual ownership transfer of what you give to Him to be Lord of.
When Jesus is Lord of something Satan cannot use it in any way. He has to persuade you to give him authority over what he desires to control in your life by having you accept what he suggests you to accept from him to give him this authority.
This is why the first thing you need to do is to give to Jesus all authority over an area or thing.
Studying The Bible so you know what Jesus requires of you
It is your responsibility to read, study, memorise and meditate on The Bible and not the responsibility of anyone else. It is only as you do these daily activities will God’s Word become a part of you and change you from
the inside out. You also need to check The bible to see if what others say is correct. There are many who do not fully believe who have positions
of responsibility in The Christian faith and you need to be certain that what they tell you is really true.
(Act 17:11) These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.
10 Basic Principles for understanding The Bible
(from E Bullinger's book How to enjoy The Bible”)
1. The meaning of words is to be gathered from the scope
of the passage. Not the scope of the passage from the words.
2. The scope of a passage may best be discovered from its structure.
3. The way of how the word is used or interpreted TheBible is essential to their correct understanding
4. The context is always essential to their correct interpretation
5. The first appearances of words, expressions and sayings are generally important for their correct interpretation
6. The place where a passage occurs is often essential to its full interpretation
7. No one passage can be interpreted different to another where it contravenes the Bible in its interpretation
8. The importance of accuracy in studying the scriptures is necessary to avoid error.
9. Figures of speech must be properly researched so they will be correctly understood
10. To It is no use studying the Bible if it is not applied to go your life.
Any wrong attitude, emotion, thought or feeling is from Satan as God does not give us these things. In James we are told:
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
In other words:
Make Jesus Lord of what is being tempted so He is now its ruler
Tell Satan to go in the Name of Jesus to the Lord Jesus to be dealt with
Then ask The Holy Spirit to fill you so they cannot come back in (Matt 12:43-45).
Jesus enphasised the last step to a person whom He took to heaven.
Keep doing this until they stop attacking.
There is more on this in my book on Spiritual Warfare.
Hearing The Holy Spirit
We are told that to be a child of God you need to be guided by The Holy Spirit in all you do which means you need to know how to hear Him. I deal with this in Appendix B.
The Holy Spirit knows what you need to know so He needs to be listened to when you are doing something the Bible is silent bout and it is not covered by its guidance such as The Law of Love (Jn13:34-35)
Never Doubt God’s Love
You only exist for your benefit. God is complete in Himself and does not need you for anything. But He made you for the joy you would have in the things He prepared for you out of His Love for you.
Satan tries to have you forget God’s Love for you and focus on what he desires you to do so that he can control you and rule you himself. His rule results in your destruction. He also tries to isolate you from others who would encourage you and through truth remove the temptation he is placing on you.
God loves you so much He does all He can to help you stay a citizen
of His Kingdom. He even came to earth and died so you knew how to relate to Him and tell us what He desired us to do for Him. What more can He do for you that He has not already done.
Remember to trust God no matter whatever happens. His ways are far greater than anything we can thinak of and it is our limited understanding of His ways that may cause us not to trust Him. Beside faith does not need to know what is going to happen. T only needs to know God is in control and doing what is best for you.
According to your faith and trust in Him and His ways will be your salvation and rewards in heaven.
If you do not trust God then there is only the devil left. A choice that is not worth even considering if you believe in what God has in store for
all who love, trust and obey Him.
People are to be loved as Jesus loves them.
What does a person desire? To be treated as an individual in their own right and appreciated as such and not to be treated mentally or spiritually as a subordinate to another. To be treated as an equal spiritually in any relationship and in the decision making and loved as one who has submits (when told to by The Holy Spirit) out of Love for Jesus to to another (as well as out of God’s quality of Love for them).
This chapter is a result of counseling people and seeing the damage they have suffered because of not knowing some basic things about their position in Jesus.
The first thing you need to appreciate as a people is God’s perspective of them. How He sees you and they. This is what matters and is the perspective you should accept because God sees things as they really are and not as others tell you they are. You need to know this perspective so you can relate to them correctly and get your worth, esteem and value from this and not from your own reason (which Satan can use others and your own thoughts to guide and eventually even control) or the opinions of others (which may also be demonic suggestions about you to these people).
You need to accept constructive criticism and ignore any other type of criticism as well as to know the difference between them. Constructive criticism will help you develop and mature. Destructive criticism will make you reject yourself in some way or reduce your valuation of yourself in some way.
Often destructive criticism occurs because the person criticising feels worse about themselves than you do and they have to make you inferior so they will feel superior and more adequate. Unfortunately they do not realise this which is why they relate to people this way and do not get the necessary deliverance to deal with this wrong attitude.
This insecurity results in the need to control people, demanding unreal things of others for them to be accepted by them.
How does God see you?
The Father sees you as His child and thus an adopted relative of His son. He sees you as His creation! He loves very much and He desires to see you have the fullness of life He designed you for.
Jesus calls you friend, part of His family, and desires intimacy with you in a heart to heart relationship. He also gives you The Holy Spirit to guide you and help you in this and many others things.
The Holy Spirit willingly helps you in any way He can. He marks you as be- longing to God. His presence is in you so with you all day and night so that you are never alone and you can talk to Him conversationally whenever you want to or need too. He is your counselor and adviser in every area of your life emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally.
You need to learn not to react emotionally so you can hear His voice guiding you. He is also there to comfort you and help you draw closer to Jesus and prays for you when you don’t know what to pray (Rom. 8:26-27) as well as to help you with any type problem of you have in your daily living (Jn 16:13 note: all truth!)
You are adequate in Jesus because of what Jesus has made you or is making you as a person. God sees you in Jesus as being acceptable and in a proper relationship with Him because of what Jesus did for you at Calvary.
Remember that God has spared nothing so He can help you mature into what He has planned for you to be because He Loves you and thinks so much of you. God has even prepared a place for you in heaven so you can be with Him. Such is His desire to fellowship with you and have you there as a friend of His Son.
What else is left for God to do for you or to show you how much He desires you and has prepared for you to be with Him.
It is all of His doing and is nothing we could do. It is because of God’s Love that in Jesus you are declared in a correct relationship with Him, and holy before Him, able to approach Him, acceptable to God and thus able to be there with Him in heaven as well as relate to Him on earth in a personal intimate way.
God’s purpose for you is to know Him personally. Salvation is a relationship with God where you are given the privilege of knowing God in an intimate way (Jn 17:3). He desires this relationship with you and sent Jesus to make it possible (through His death at Calvary) then gives you The Holy Spirit to guide you in this relationship. He has also given you His handbook for this relationship. His Bible! All God does or allows is designed to help you develop your relationship with Him.
God is Love and the path He has planned for you is only for your good. To walk in it you must trust Him. You need to serve Him as Lord (thus placing His perfect will for your life before your own concept of what you need or do). You need to trust Him for all your needs (matt 6:33) and follow His handbook (the Bible) in all you do and listen to the guidance of The Holy Spirit in everything. It is not logical to place your will before His Perfect Will and to work out your own path to follow when He already has already made a perfect one for you to follow (Eph 2:10).
You are very valuable to God. Jesus gave up ruling a whole universe for you, came to earth and died for you. Also, God brought you into this world. You did not know you needed to live but God did. He then gave you the chance to know Him personally and intimately. He then gave you Jesus. He could give you no greater gift. In Jesus are all the promises of God for you so you really need to know Jesus intimately. Jesus is worth more than all the wealth of the universe and Jesus willingly gave up ruling it to come to earth so you could know God and be with Him in heaven after you died.
So much has God done to show His Love for you.
God desires you to reach your fulfillment as a person and so places you in trials as a sign of His Love for you to mould you to be a reflection of Him through His character being formed in you and being expressed in all you do. He will never ask you to do more than you can handle and has prepared you for the trial He has placed you in. You take the first step and He will help you with all the next steps. Their is always a way out of the t rial or He wold not be a God of Love (1 or;10:13))
He does this because of your love for Him that results in your patiently enduring the trials He sends to mould you through His Will as you are guided in the trial or circumstance through listening to The Holy Spirit, studying His handbook The the Bible, through the self discipline you exhibit as you obey Him, as well as the guidance and teaching The Holy Spirit gives you in your everyday life. He may also send someone to encourage you so that you are not alone in the trial or temptation.
God desires you to be in heaven with Him and is preparing a place for you to live there but is also preparing you for this place, thus the trials and tribulations you go through as He strips from you all that is stop ping you from getting there or hindering you from reaching your full potential in Jesus. He does not have to do this but Loves you so does it for your sake.
God did not need to make you. He is complete in Himself. He made you for your benefit and for you to enjoy what He has given you as well as for the pleasure He has in meeting all your needs and relating to you.
To walk the path He has for you that prepares you for heaven you must obey Him, trust Him and believe His love is behind all that happens to you so that you will be content in whatever happens to you. After all, the trials He allows you to go through are a sign of His Love for you and you should not complain about God showering you with Love!
The proper Lordship attitude is necessary to do live this lifestyle.
He has given you all you need to do His Will and prepares you to face any trial He has set up for you. He also makes a way through the trial and Temptation so you can overcome it (1 Cor 10:13). He would not be a God of love if He did not do this. He also guides you through it He is so concerned for you to succeed and be with Him in heaven. He limits what Satan can do to you so it will never be more than you can deal with and can do this as He is in complete control of everything involved in the trial or temptation.
You must believe this and act in faith on this belief. You must believe in His Love, Purposes, Plans and Control or you will not endure in these trials and temptations as you should.
If Satan can get you to doubt God’s Love, you will have little reason to endure the trials God gives you to pass through.
You must desire to be with Him in heaven and relate to Him on earth or you will not endure the trials and temptations He sends to get you there. You will only endure these if you understand His love for you and His desire for you to be with Him. Otherwise doubt, uncertainty and fear will be stirred up in you by Satan so you will not relate to God as you should and obey Him as you should.
You must also do what is required of you to get there and also believe it is worth striving to get there (Heb 11:6, 1 Cor 15:58). Only as you value heaven and a relationship with God above the things of earth, only as you want the things of God more than the things of earth will you love and serve God as you should and walk the path He has prepared for you that gets you to heaven and matures you into the relationship God desires to have with you now as well as in heaven with Him.
It is to be remembered also that h ell is God’s incentive plan t o get to heaven.
Part of walking this path and serving Him is the way we show His Love as we relate to others; family, other Christians, non-Christians, your enemies, some of a whom we interact with daily here on earth. This Love is a natural result of our desire to be like Him and should be freely expressed in all we do as a natural part of our worship to Him. As we relate correctly to others we are moulded more to His image and progress further along the path He has planned for us.
Marriage and Headship
The area of marriage is one where lots of relational problems occur because people and men do not understand Biblical headship.
One of the biggest misconceptions regarding headship in marriage is that it is spiritual. This is because people do not understand 1 Pet. 3:1-6. If headship was spiritual then this passage would put the woman under the man’s head who is Satan.
Headship can only be domestic. The husband is responsible for the family and not the wife. The husband will give account to God for the way he dealt with the family God gave him. The wife will have to give account to God for the way she submitted to Jesus and then her husband carrying out her role as wife and mother. If she does not allow her husband to assume the responsibilities he is suppose to have she has no one but herself to blame for the consequences of this. If he does not want to assume them then she needs to ask Jesus what to do as He is her adviser (through The Holy Spirit) and not man.
In reality, if both are guided by The Holy Spirit the headship problems should never arise as Jesus will be the head of the situation and not the husband.
A wife does not have to love her husband but she has to respect him (because of the authority and responsibilities Jesus has given him) and submit to her husband in domestic matters out of obedience to Jesus. The submission is a command by Jesus so she has no choice in this and must do it. As Jesus has given her this command she needs to trust Him for the consequences of submitting to her husband.
Remember, the concept of marrying for love is really a recently common phenomenon and many women, as late as the late 1800’s had arranged marriages with a husband they may not have seen until they reached the altar and got married.
The husband must love his wife and if he does as Jesus requires him to do the wife will gladly submit to him. Even though the wife only has to only respect her husband, if He is a Christian, the she must love her spouse as Jesus loves Him. (The husband is supposed to be doing that already to her).
Satan tries to make people fearful so they have trouble submitting to their husband domestically or hide the guidance of The Holy Spirit so they will be insecure and have to control the spouse to feel secure. By this families are destroyed, adultery and/or divorce occurs and people are damaged and cannot serve God as He desires them too.
The family is the basic unit of worship. Satan knows this and has majored on destroying it. This is why correct family values are so rarely seen in the media (which Satan controls). Satan knows a person cannot function normally or adequately if the family life is a mess because the chaos in the family affects their emotions and self-esteem so badly.
A husband or wife should not have any secrets in the marriage and should quickly clear up misunderstandings and problems between them. They should not go to sleep or have sex until all that is wrong between them is resolved. It is these unresolved issues that Satan uses to drive a husband and wife apart.
A husband needs to meet the emotional needs of a wife in at least seven areas: Intimacy, appreciation, encouragement, security, comforter, someone to support her emotionally in troubled times as well as someone to hold her close just for who she is.
As people needs to have their emotional needs met so do children. As the husband meets her needs in these seven areas she also needs to meet these in her children. If a spouse is ‘damaged they will not be able to meet the needs of their Children as they should so they also will be damaged. A spouse not meeting the needs of their marriage partner is abusing them and not being a good steward of the marriage and them.
When relating with others (Christian or non-Christian), never accept any criticism until you have taken it to The Holy Spirit to get His comments on the correctness of it. Too many people criticise others because they feel so bad about themselves they need to make others look worse so they feel better (superior) and thus have self-esteem through this positive comparison with the person they have criticised.
Remember not to react to criticism but to evaluate it in the light of God’s Word and the guidance of The Holy spirit. If any of the criticism is correct then you need to make the appropriate changes (which may even require some deliverance). Incorrect criticism you just ignore and forgive the person who made it.
If a person offends you, remember it usually because they are hurting. Love them, but hate what they do, Maybe you are to minister to them or pray for them. Do not react but listen to what the Holy Spirit says to do.
Never argue, react, reason or assume things but ask The Hoy Spirit what o do.
Mat 5:44-45 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
The more you love others as Jesus Loves them the more you will be healed of emotional problems and the more you will be transformed into the image (character) of Jesus.
You may need deliverance and inner healing to remove some problems but many may just require lordship and self control to be exercised to defeat them and if necessary the casting out of attacking demons. Satan can only ever get you to do what you agree to and allow him to guide you to do. So if you control your mind it makes it hard for him to get you to sin. Remember for you to sin Satan has to get you to agree (accept) to what he suggests you do. If you do not agree you do not sin.
You need to love yourself as God Loves you and accept yourself as He accepts you. Or you will not look after yourself as God desires you too, developing your mind or looking after your body and keeping yourself spiritually in the correct relationship with God that you need to be in.
You must forgive yourself as God has forgiven you at Calvary. You need to appropriate Calvary fully. Deliverance may be needed and the Holy Spirit will guide you as to what you need deliverance of.
Remember! Shame, guilt and condemnation were dealt with at Calvary so these now come from Satan as do all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. You need to know how to deal with these (cast them in Jesus’ Name to The Throne of Judgment).
God will never place in you a negative thought or emotion. These all come from Satan. So attack the demon behind every negative thought, feeling or emotion.
As you fight Satan and remove more of Him and His world system from you it will become easier to follow Jesus and defeat Satan.
It is up to you to change who you are as a person and to fight what Satan puts there in your mind. In the end it is down to a simple choice. Believe Jesus and what He says about you or accept what Satan says about you. On this choice may hinge your eternal destiny
How to keep a wife happy
Wives are often unintentionally abused by husbands who do not know their needs.
Keep Jesus and the purposes of His Kingdom central in all you both do
Encourage her and help her build her faith in Jesus and trust in you
Worship and pray with her
Read The Bible together
Make her a partner in ministry as she has gifts that compliment yours and is the person God has given to you to help you in any ministry you have been given to do by Jesus.
Give her a consistent Godly example of headship
Give her complete security
Support her in all that she does that is not wrong and correct in love the things she does wrong and the mistakes she makes (if they are of eternal significance, otherwise just ignore them).
Allow her to constructively criticize you and correct you when necessary.
Never compare her unfavourably with another woman
Help her with her workload when it is too much for her and also when she can cope. Serving her shows your love for her.
Intimacy without sex will show she is appreciated for who she is and not just her body
In sex seek to please her before yourself. Ask them what they desire you to do or them and not just do what you want.
Listen to her and show she is worthwhile as a person
Be a gentleman to her: open car doors, serve her at buffets, serve her in love. If you deeply love her, service will be a natural expression of this
Meet her fears so Satan cannot use them to put a division between you and her
Plan with her in all things that affect you both and support her, where possible, in the things she decides for herself (her clothes, appearance, hobbies and other forms of how she expresses herself as a person) or decides on your behalf (the areas in which she has been delegated authority by you).
Allow her to buy necessities and small pleasures for herself without having to give you an account of everything she spends or desires to spend.
Do not criticise her in a destructive manner but in a constructive way so that she is encouraged as a person and not made to feel worthless. Help her in any way you can to deal with the problem that was constructively criticized.
Never raise your voice to her or shout at her.
Praise her when it is appropriate, especially to others
Ask her to do things in a loving and appreciative manner and be appreciative and thank her when she does it.
Show her God’s Love you do in all things you do for her and with her.
Let her communicate her needs, desires, fears, anything she needs to too feel secure in the relationship and listen to her and help her out of love for her in the way God shoes you too
Do for her whatever The Holy Spirit says to do for her.
It is your role to help her develop into the person she can be in Jesus.
Wives, husbands have similar needs to yours and if you do not help your husband do these things then you are abusing him. Remember that many of your husband's needs are the same as yours as you are both made in the image of God so have similar needs.
Remember husbands and wives, you will be accountable to God if you do not do these things that are needed to be done.
There are three major influences in our life:
The Holy Spirit
Those around us.
Each influences us from the day we are born.
When we are born, our mind is basically a clean slate being influenced only by the influences we hear and feel in the womb.
A baby can feel rejected at birth because of the emotions of its parents it feels in the womb. It can also feel love and acceptance in the womb. It depends on the tone of voice the parents use around the baby while it is in the womb.
Harsh voices will place fear and insecurity in the Child. Calm, loving voices will give it peace and security.
As the baby is a person. Satan will try to influence the unborn baby. The Holy Spirit watches over the unborn child so that Satan cannot do much to influence the unborn child.
The emotional state of the parents, e.g. Being an unmarried teenage mother, will be heard by the unborn baby as she hears the tone in her mother’s voice when the mother speaks or others criticise the mother for being an unmarried mother.
In the first few years of life a child learns by what it sees, what it is allowed to do, what it senses (as observed in the tone of the voices around it and actions towards it such as caress or punishment) and by what it feels.
It is in these early formative years that it learns how it is suppose to think, how accepted and loved it is and how it is suppose to behave. It is also these years that Satan tries to snare the baby for his purposes. So you need to conduct intensive spiritual warfare over your children until they are able to do it them self.
When the baby learns language skills then these become modified by the new knowledge it learns about itself and the principles and practices of the environment it is in.
It is in the years before adulthood that Satan inflicts most damage on people. This results in:
Satan’s demons placing in people incorrect ways of thinking
Incorrect perceptions about itself
Incorrect perceptions about God.
Incorrect perceptions about their relationship to God’.
People become damaged, needing deliverance as well as knowledge of the Truths of God that will free them from the pain they are. They also need to know how to fight Satan to keep the freedom Jesus gives them.
It is the role of parents to teach them to their children. God will ask them to give account of how they did this for their children.
The two Kings
There are two Kings who desire you to spend eternity with them. One King desires to give you peace and pleasure. The other King
desires you to be subject to him so that he can torment you.
One King is Jesus. The other is Satan. Jesus is Love, Mercy, Grace. Satan is lovelessness, unforgiveness and selfish.
God is Love. His love frees you, motivates you and gives you correct self esteem, self value and self worth. Satan however, has no love for anyone but himself, binds you and tries to control you for his purposes taking away your self esteem, self value and self worth.
Jesus seeks to free you and help you reach your full potential. Satan seeks to destroy you so you can control you and use you for his own selfish purposes.
This is the battle we face every day on earth: The desire of our King versus the desire of the other king.
Why are there so many emotionally and mentally damaged people on earth? Because Satan has sought to damage them so he can control them for his purposes and stop them relating to Jesus in a correct way so that they will not be able to oppose him.
God and Satan both work through people. God uses Godly people to influence others, especially parents, teachers as well as those who lead in His Body. Satan tries to damage these people of God as well as those who are of His Kingdom, so that they will not know how to express God’s type of love in relationships so that they cannot teach people how God desires them to be because of the emotional damage they have from Satan.
By using these damaged people Satan damages those they teach, influence or train. These damaged people will never be really able to live the victorious, joyful Christian life Jesus desires them to have.
These people are damaged because they had people in authority over them that did not know how to Love or show mercy or grace to them because these people were damaged and were bound in legalism, ritual and perfectionism and so that is why it is the only way they know to love and relate to God and others ands through them Satan places in another's mind that this is the only way you relate to others..
Damage can also come through rape and incest and also through a trauma, such as violence or accident.
Freedom from the above states are all dealt with through deliverance and being taught The Truths of Jesus that will set them free. The prayers in the front of this book can help with obtaining this freedom which is why they should be said before reading this book.
The abuser is a damaged person influenced by the enemy king or they would not be treating you the way they are. They need compassion and deliverance as they miss out on the satisfaction and joy they should be having in their Christian walk.
If they are not a Christian then you need to pray for their salvation.
You need to bind any demons using them against you whether or not they are a Christian. Only if a Christian can you take them through deliverance using the prayer in the front of this book if necessary.
You should not react. You serve Jesus so you need to ask Him how you are to relate to them and how you are to deal with their attitude to you. You are to love them in the same way The Father in heaven Loves them. But you do not have to love what they do.
The abuser is damaged and does not know how to properly relate to you. You need to bind the demons using them to attack them, you and others as well as harassing them, taking away their peace and joy and blinding them to their need of Jesus, His truths that would set them free as well as the deliverance they can have from the oppression of from demons.
Do not assume or react. The abuser is an unwilling weapon of Satan in the war we are in. It is part of the war we have with Satan and we need ask The Holy Spirit how our commander Jesus desires to deal with the situation.
The Character of the abuser
The abuser cannot trust God or anyone except themselves. God is authority and someone in close to them in authority over them has betrayed their love and abused them in some way and broken their love and trust so they cannot love or trust anyone else except themselves. Because of their insecurity and damage they cannot really trust the love of others anymore or have a proper love and appreciation of themselves.
Because the abuser cannot express real love or trust another they need coping mechanisms to survive. These copping mechanisms build up a world around them that they control and in which they feel secure. This results in:
Lovelessness: It is not they do not love but they do not know how to love.
Legalism: They make the rules so they know how to control others and be secure in what happens around them
Perfectionism: Unless you meet their expectations of them they cannot accept you. They need to make others out to be inferior to them so they feel superior and adequate.
Ritualism: New experiences are too threatening to the abuser. So they form a world of stability by ritual. So that all they do in life is expected and they are able to cope with it.
The abuser needs to make the rules and set the standard so they control others and do not feel threatened by being inadequate to them.
They also need to rationalise so they do not face the truth of a situation or the hurt they do to others. It is not that the abuser does not feel love. It is love incorrectly shown, based on the insecurities and fears of the abuser rather than on God’s type of love.
All that the abuser does is related to a lack of self esteem, feelings of being unloved and respected as a person and all they do is aimed at making the situation around them be in a way that enables them to cope as a person.
Once you realise they are a victim of the enemy king, you should show compassion to them and try to help them become free in Jesus.
Abuse of women
Satan has a special hatred of woman and they are abused more than men so I have written the following sections especially for women.
Women have been abused and treated as second class citizens for most of history. God desires to promote the cause of women and restore them to where they should be. Only as women are given their rightful role will they be able to do what God desires them to do.
It is to be remembered that in spiritual things, God does not make a difference between male and female (Gal 3:28). It is only in domestic roles that God had set roles that are different and requires a wife to submit to her husband. But then if the husband loves his wife in the way God loves her, she will willingly submit as he will only ever do what is best for her.
A Warning to men
Treating women as God desires you too is part of maintaining your salvation and at times stewardship. If you knowingly abuse women and do not repent you will lose your salvation through unrepented disobedience. If you unknowingly abuse women you need deliverance as well as to repent of the wrong you are doing to them.
A Warning to women
You must forgive the abuser, which may only be really possible after deliverance. You must least try and if you cannot forgive then keep doing deliverance, using the five steps, until you can.
While this booklet has been directed as women what is said in it can also apply to men.
I read, a few years ago, that one in every three women in the world has been abused. So this chapter has taken on a new importance to me as that figure agrees with what I found when ministering deliverance on the Internet. One in every three or four women I ministered too had been sexually abused and that is apart from those who have suffered other types of abuse.
It is also to be remembered that it is a spiritual battle. The abuser is driven by their demons as these use the hurts in the abuser to try and control and guide them to do their purposes. The abuser is not possessed if a Christian and does not realize the thoughts or voices they hear are not their own but demons. Demons are in the abused also because of the hurts the demons have placed on them and the way the abuser dealt with the abuse.
This is why words do not permanently help people as reason and resistance do not remove demons. The demons need to be cast out which is why the healing of abuse really needs deliverance in some degree or other.
The prayer in he beginning of this book can help do this casting out of any demons.
Satan has been abusing women throughout the centuries. It was through a woman the promised Messiah would come that would defeat him and his works. So Satan had tried to destroy women to prevent this happening. He has also tried to destroy them to stop them running Godly households and training children the way they needed to be trained to follow God as well as to stop them training the younger women how to run Godly households. By this he has prevented the younger generation of women training children as God desires them to be trained because they are too damaged to do so or have not been taught how do to so.
Abuse of Men
Men are also abused but this is rarer than women being abused which is why I concentrate on the abuse of women. But what is said here about abuse usually also applies to men in some way.
This abuse of men can occur in childhood but more often in a relationship, especially in marriage where a damaged woman can only survive as a person and be secure in a relationship if she controls the husband. This is her way of protecting all the pain she has from former abuse and of preventing herself being hurt even more.
Even if there is no abuse to protect herself from she will still try to control because of the fear of being abused and/or hurt.
The hurt woman retains her control (protecting herself ), usurping domestic headship and not being able to submit domestically to her husband until she is delivered. She will retain this control at any cost and usually the cost is the relationship and the marriage which is why so many people are divorced.
It is to be remembered that spiritually all are equal and that it is only in domesticity is the wife to be subject to her husband.
It is obvious the woman (and usually her partner/husband also) needs deliverance and when deliverance occurs the relationship usually becomes as God desires it to be and the marriage will be as God wants it to be.
How does God want women treated?
Before you can define abuse you need a standard to measure it against. The standard we use is that which God sets. It is how He desires women to be treated. So you must treat women this way or be in rebellion.
Women are spiritually equal to men.
Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
Maleness and femaleness are not important in the spiritual. They are only important for the roles on earth that God has designed a male or female to fulfill. So anyone treating a woman as spiritually inferior is going against God’s Will.
Women are to be loved with the same type of Love that Jesus Love’s them with.
Joh 13:34-35 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
There is no escape clause to say you can avoid doing this. If you love Jesus and people as He loves them then you will love them with the same type of love that He Loves them with. Not to do so is sin!
Sin is falling short of God’s requirement (moral or legal) in some way. All sin has at its core a lack of love to the person sinned against.
Wives are to be treated as helpmeets
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.
John Gill comments as follows:
I will made him an help meet for him; one to help him in all the affairs of life, not only for the propagation of his species, but to provide things useful and comfortable for him; to dress his food, and take care of the affairs of the family; one “like himself ” .
Note: “One to help him’ and not a slave.
The helpmeet works in areas that the man does not have time to. While the man works the helpmeet can do things needed to be done in the home. The role of helpmeet is not one of servitude to the man but of complimenting him, doing the things he has no time for while he does what is needed to support and protect her.
It is a relationship of spiritual equals, subordinating to each other to meet the needs of the other because of their love for each other.
A helper is an equal but humbles them self for the purposes of service. A slave is not an equal and has no rights.
Headship is not spiritual. Jesus is the bishop (head) of our souls. Headship only exists in marriage for the purposes of forming a visible head in the home (domestic) and even then if The Holy Spirit is guiding then Jesus will be the head of the house and human headship is not necessary as The Holy Spirit will guide them both and they will agree in everything because of the unity resulting from The Holy Spirit guiding them both.
In 1 Pet 3:1-6, a Christian woman (belonging to The Kingdom of God) is told to submit to a non-Christian husband (belonging to the Kingdom of Satan).
If the submission is spiritual the Christian woman would have to submit to Satan (the head of her husband). This would be ludicrous as Jesus died to free her from Satan’s control.
Headship cannot be spiritual or it would make mockery of what Jesus did. Headship can only be domestic.
So anyone who is not treating a woman:
As spiritual equal for the purposes of ministry
Loving them as Jesus Love’s them
Not treating a wife as a helpmeet
Applying spiritual headship principles, usurping the place of Jesus or
Not applying domestic headship principles correctly
Is sinning in the eyes of God and if this is done knowingly and not repented of you will lose you your salvation.
In a marriage God wants women treated as a partner in a partnership of spiritual equals. It is a partnership The Holy Spirit leads in all aspects of the relationship so that it is as God desires it to be.
In ministry they are equals with each bringing different gifts and approaches to the ministry, God designed things so that His Character is only fully seen in the marriage relationship.
If The Holy Spirit is the head of the marriage and Jesus is their Lord there will be no arguments. They will ask The Spirit what the Will of Jesus is and do it. Anything else is idolatry, putting their will before that of Jesus.
If The Holy Spirit guides the married couple there will be no disputes
or relational problems. The Holy Spirit will tell them what to do as well as how God desires them to relate to the each other. He will tell you God’s will so that there can be no disagreement or conflict in a situation.
In Domestic matters the husband has the final authority. But if he is led by The Holy Spirit what he decides will be best for all so that the wife can accept his decision in the knowledge it is what God desires for them both.
If the husband is not a Christian then she must trust God who has asked her to submit to the husband for the sake of Jesus and the witness of her life as a follower of His. She must trust that God will not test her beyond her ability, is doing this to mature her and will allow no thing that is not good for her.
Why do men treat women as being inferior?
It is because they do not understand how God wants them to treat women
They are insecure or have low self-esteem so treat women as being inferior to them to feel secure or feel better. This is a common form of abuse that is not recognised as such.
These men get their esteem from what people say about them and their security from possessions or from what they control. So by treating women as inferior they are secure and feel better about themselves as they make the women appear inferior so they will feel superior and more adequate as a person.
The man also has security in the woman obeying him as he does not feel threatened by the woman.
Their security and self-esteem is not found in who they are in Jesus. These people need deliverance as do the women they have subordinated incorrectly.
This is what Satan does through abuse which is why deliverance is so necessary to remove these wrong attitudes built up in the person by the demons attacking them and/or residing in them.
Often an abused woman will stay in a relationship because she has so little self-esteem or worth that she believes she can do no better for a partner/husband/boyfriend.
The abuser is usually a person suppose to love, provide and protect the abused. Commonly a family member or close relative.
The failure of the abuser to do these things causes: self-rejection, a feeling of not being able to be loved, fear of authority, insecurity and a feeling of desertion or abandonment amongst other things. The greater the abuse, the greater the damage. The more sensitive the child, the greater the damage.
The abuser normally has a very insecure and low opinion of himself. His self-esteem and/or self-worth is very poor and he needs to keep others under his control or in bondage in order to feel secure and/or superior and worthwhile as a person.
Abuse usually goes down through the generations of a family (as a cycle of abuse). Family members grow up in the abusive situation and come to consider the abuse as the normal way to live and so raise their children in the same way, with the same abuse. The abused individual does not realize the abuse for what it is, as they have grown up with it.
Deliverance of the abused person breaks the abuse cycle, so future generations do not suffer as they have suffered and will no longer consider it the normal way to live.
This deliverance from the effects of abuse is especially important for parents with young children to ensure that the children are not abused in any way by the parents so that they don’t suffer as the parents did, become damaged and as a result, end up abusing their own children.
The lower the self-worth/esteem/value of the person (in their own eyes) the more: defensive, legalistic, controlling and perfectionistic the person seeks to become. This control of others allows them to believe that other people are greater failures than they are so the abuser feels better about themselves because these other people can rarely or never achieve the standards the abuser expects of them.
The more insecure and fearful has been their abuse, the more controlling they become of their environment as they have security in their control and not in Jesus. Pride and over achieving are another manifestation of this low self-worth.
In later stages they may withdraw from relationships and become ‘loners’ unable to relate or show love to people and often Alzheimer’s or other mental illness happens to them.
The abuser may be a complete failure as a person, but is deceived by demons into thinking they are wonderful and superior to everyone else.
Satan has to convince the abused person to accept the abuse. This is done through fear of what will happen to them if the abuse is not accepted.
Satan also needs to convince the abused that God does not love them or will not help them. He does this by having them doubt God’s Love for them so that they believe they are unacceptable to God and so that they believe they cannot go to Him for help but must rely on their own reasonings which the demons guide and/or control.
The abused will have little desire to tell others about Jesus but may do this because they get self-esteem from the praise of the church for doing this. It is not from love of others they do this as they do it only for purposes of self-esteem and acceptance in a church and God has difficulty blessing them for their work for The Kingdom of God and they will reap little reward in heaven (their service to God being done for the wrong reasons). In fact most of their ministry is done for the purposes of self-esteem as often is most of what they do for others in their relationships to others.
The whole reason for abuse is to stop you from realizing God’s Love towards you and how much you can be used by God. If you do not realize God’s Love for you, then you will not be a threat to Satan or live a joy-filled life in a correct, vital relationship with Jesus, The Father, The Holy Spirit and others and by this demonstrate the superiority of The Kingdom of God over what Satan offers.
Abuse drives away love. People shut down inside and don’t know how to let anyone in past the walls they have created, as the last person they let in hurt them very much and usually it is someone they love so the hurt is greater.
Some women can actually have a hardened-heart their pain being so great that their heart is an impenetrable, calloused, shell that can only be broken and healed by Jesus. Once the shell is broken, underneath it is very soft, very hurt, very sensitive, loving person. That is why the shell was put up in the first place, to cover and protect the wound instead of healing it. Exposing the wound again will hurt twice as much because of this. These women have to be handled gently with uncompromising, non-critical love. Deliverance removes the hurt, the shell and the pain in a painless way.
Relationships require risk and trust. How to trust again is a big issue. How to let a person close enough to break through the shell around the heart is difficult to work out at times. But Jesus can do it and The Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen you in this endeavour.
In reality, abuse is usually a combination of some of the following six types in different combinations. It is always more than one type. The effects of abuse are also complex and are usually never just one reaction but a mixture of reactions and coping mechanisms.
Verbal abuse is emotional in nature. The abuser attaches conditions to giving love and acceptance, to get praise or appreciation so that it becomes necessary for the abused person to work at a certain level or do certain things to ‘please’ the abuser. It is usually almost impossible to please the abuser. This leads to legalism, loneliness, low self-worth, self- rejection, perfectionism and similar traits. There is seldom praise and the normal feedback is usually destructive criticism and does not usually reflect the abilities of the abused.
The abused doubts their own abilities so t hat growth is stifled s they are afraid to do anything new in case it is wrong.
Love is withheld
Acceptance is withheld
Worth is withheld
Abilities are suppressed and not recognised
Emotional prison is formed in the person
Seldom are rewarded or praised
The person’s intelligence and/or abilities are criticized so they are made to feel inferior and not normal or mentally adequate. This can lead to personality type disorders as well as low self-image. This done through:
Negative comments on intelligence and abilities
Negative comments on sanity
Negative comments on their identity (personality)
Negative comments on their worth as a person
Negative comments on their usefulness to people
Negative comments on how they perform
The abuser uses force to control. This can lead to fear of authority, mental problems, low self-worth and an incorrect appreciation of authority figures: police, employers, husband, God etcetera. Rape and molestation are normally both physical and emotional abuse combined. Physical abuse can also be because of beatings that were received for no valid or reasonable reason. The punishment was more than should have been given for the offence committed.
Deprivation of necessities
Threats of physical violence
Fear of being in the presence of the abuser
Fear of what happens when they resist
The abuser uses sex to satisfy their lusts and to obtain self worth through the abused person giving in to them. even though it may have been involuntary. This abuse leads to fear of authority in the abused (often step or real father, uncle, brother or grandfather are involved in childhood molestation) so that the abused person’s image of The Father in heaven is marred. All abuse does this in some way but sexual abuse involves more areas of abuse than most and seems to make this fear stronger than in other lesser types of abuses.
Sexual abuse violates a person in a way no other abuse does and takes many forms:
Incest with a trusting child who does not know better
A boyfriend persuading his girlfriend to have sex with him against her will (rape?)
A husband forcing a wife to have sex with him when she is not emotionally ready (rape?)
The sexually abused individual feels worthless and dirty. Also, a wrong attitude towards sex results so that the marriage bed is affected and they will have problems sexually relating to their spouse. In severe cases, major mental problems such as Multiple Personality Disorder or other similar disorders may result, especially in gang rape, other types of violent abuse or cases of Satanic Ritual Abuse.
The multiple personality disorder is a result of the number of demons transferred or allowed in during rape or wrong types of sex.
The person needs to be cleansed and purified in any deliverance to remove the effects of these impure demons.
With sexual abuse, there is also the situation of people giving sex in exchange for love (the old lie that ‘sex with me means he loves me’) and being dumped afterward. The dumped person feels used and betrayed and is destroyed emotionally by this. Her self worth and self-esteem are destroyed as well.
In a marriage, the abused woman, after having sex with her husband will feel used and dirty and/or like a prostitute and impure if he forces her or uses her to satisfy his lust. Sex becomes an event to be dreaded at the worst or at best a duty of love that is not enjoyed as it should be.
The woman is accused of defrauding her husband if she does not give him sex and the marriage is slowly destroyed even more by this abuse of the husband.
Sexually abused people can feel dirty and worthless, so they never really have joy or expect to have joy, and have little expectation of doing anything worthwhile or of finding real happiness. These attitudes occur in all abused people in some degree but sexual abuse seems to heighten them. This is probably because the whole person is violated and not just a part of them. The whole being, spirit, soul (mind/emotions), and body are engaged or involved during sexual contact so sexual abuse affects every part of a person.
Sexual abuse in marriage can also occur when sex is withheld or used as a reward for conditions placed upon the partner’s obedience. Sometimes it may lead too marital rape.
It is to be remembered that abuse is a deliberate misuse of something or someone and not just an accidental incorrect act against another. This is why whenever a spouse feels incorrectly treated by their partner they need to communicate this so that it does not cause problems in the relationship.
Spiritual abuse is a result of legalistic and perfectionist parent(s) who do not know the Grace of God and thus in a sense feel they have to ‘work’ their way to Heaven. It presents a merciless God that affects the child’s image of God. It uses the Bible as a whip and denominational rules as bondage.
The other form of spiritual abuse is from Christians and pastors who criticize and wound people. Making them feel that they have sinned so badly that God cannot use them. These condemned people cannot face God as the people they believe represent God have condemned them. Jezebel spirits are good at this as are pastors who walk in the flesh and not led by the Holy Spirit.
Demanding spiritual headship is abuse because man does not have this given to him by God and it usurps the headship of Jesus over the woman.
Legalism (rules more important than the person)
Abuse of authority over family by husband or abuse to a church by a minister or denomination (headship abuse)
God’s Grace, love and mercy not shown
A belief that God requires effort and service to be acceptable and saved
A belief that you are inadequate spiritually to serve God
A belief no one is as good as them
The abuser controls the money supply and possessions so that the abused person is completely dependent on the abuser. This ensures the abused person cannot leave the abuse situation, as they have no money to do so and often must beg to get it (even to pay for necessities) and endure a tirade of how bad they are at using money so unwisely and how fortunate they are to have the husband provide for them.
Control of finances and investments
Control of property
Control of purchasing for house necessities/shopping funds
Control of pleasure where money is required
Control of what makes the person acceptable to be given money
Guilt for spending money even for necessities
In all cases of abuse, God’s Love is missing and this is why the abused person develops wrong attitudes and coping mechanisms. To get attention (attention = love) people will do negative (wrong) things, knowing they will get into trouble. But at least they get attention. To a child or young person any attention is better than none, so much do they need love and attention.
Laziness or lack of energy is often caused by depression that is a result of abuse. There are other signs of abuse, such as addictions the person cannot stop, incorrect love for others, low self–esteem etc., but these vary according to the person’s reaction to the abuse and can be subtle.
If you see abnormal behaviour in a person, then consider that there may have been abuse to that person.
When questioning the abused person, show no emotion at anything evil or wrong they have done to them, but smile and be friendly, as they will often be afraid or ashamed to tell what happened. Compassion towards them can often help in finding out the truth. Any condemnation, criticism, or horror as to what has happened will make them stop talking, as they have already, in their own mind and heart, faced enough of these already and usually have enough self–condemnation to make them ashamed to tell others what has happened to them
Remember when using the five steps for deliverance that you do not need to know the individuals sins or details of their abuse. All you need to know is the area of weakness and the cause of any problems they have. All they have to do is to give these to Jesus in their hearts: the areas of abuse, the types of weaknesses they have, the types of addictions they have and anything else The Holy Spirit prompts them to give to Jesus.
Their sins are the business of nobody except them and Jesus. Remember, He removed their sins at Calvary through redemption so these are no longer a spiritual problem and so are the spiritual concern of none but Jesus.
The Lordship prayer at the beginning of this book will help with deliverance as after all deliverance is a Lordship based event.
Results of Abuse
Some of the results of abuse are as follows:
Feeling of isolation
Who can love me, I am so bad or worthless
I cannot love myself
No one knows how I feel; I am so lonely
I am not worth knowing so I won’t try any more
Maybe I am better off dead
Satan uses isolation to stop you from getting help and from finding out that God can deliver you and use you more than you realize. This trapped feeling is because you cannot see a way out, as Satan has hidden it from you. It is there promised by God so Satan has to stop you seeing it (1 Cor 10:13).
Results of abuse
Feeling of being trapped
How do I escape this? Who will help me escape?
Will I ever be normal and worthwhile?
Wrong self image
I am worthless
I cannot be loved
I will never amount to anything worthwhile
I am good for nothing
These are the lies Satan uses to stop you from relating to and serving God as you should. Satan’s whole purpose of abuse is to create dysfunctional people who cannot relate properly to God, others or themselves, or serve Him as He would like them to.
Various mental disorders
As the person believes the lies about herself, she has trouble facing both her worth and inadequacies and if the trauma is great, she will try to partition off the painful memories. Demons inhabit the partitioned memories and cause the so-called ‘alters’ of Multiple or Bipolar Personality Disorders to manifest. These are not separate personalities as the spirit cannot be divided, however, the soul can be (the Bible says it has rooms or mansions). As the soul is the filter for the spirit, there is the appearance of more than one personality (spirit) in the person. These personalities are really demons.
Bipolar (double-minded person) Multiple Personality Disorder Schizophrenia
A possible sign of this partitioning of the soul, even in a mild form, is having periods of your life which you cannot remember as these are blocked out by the mind because they are so painful and they do not want to remember them. In healing these disorders, it is necessary to ensure that the memories, emotions, and hurts are healed and the total personality is integrated so the hurts can be faced when the demons are cast out and the blockages are removed.
As the personality is affected it is this that must be given to Jesus to heal.
Remember that The Holy Spirit rarely speaks to you with a voice but uses impressions, thoughts, pictures etc so any voice in your head is probably a demon and should be cast out to the Throne of judgment in Jesus’ Name. If the voice does not go away, you need to ask The Holy Spirit why? Remember also that The Holy Spirit will never ask you to do anything against Jesus or to harm yourself and thoughts of harming yourself do not come from you either and will form a conviction abut the matter and not condemn, shame or make you feel guilty as these were all dealt with at Calvary.
The progression to suicide
Fear Anxiety/stress Depression Hopelessness Despair Suicide
Abuse results in
Difficulty in trusting authority figures
Wrong view of The Father
Hard to relate to the Love of our Father in heaven
Hard to accept The Father’s Love
Hard to trust men
Hard to believe God loves you enough to save you
Because their view of authority is wrong, they do not have a proper view of their Heavenly Father. Problems arise in regard to salvation (works theology creeps in requiring them to feel they need to do things to be saved) and to worship in an acceptable way (are we worthy enough to be accepted without ritual to make us acceptable?)
Such rituals may include: repetitious prayers, long salutary openings to appease God, abject petitioning. These are performed because of lack of belief that God will answer their prayers because they are not worthy or acceptable enough and must appease Him using ritual that appear to have succeeded in meeting His requirements in the past.
They also have trouble accepting the fact that God loves them as they are and not as they think they need to be or others say they should be to be loved and that everything works for their best, because they do not feel worthy of His hearing and loving them.
It also affects their relationships with others, in that they do not feel worthy to relate to others and assume an inferior position, even if only subconsciously. This shows itself as a “fear of man” which has many forms, one of which is shyness. The other extreme is to control people so that we feel superior and in this way, we acquire our self-esteem.
Self-rejection and low self-esteem
Low opinion of abilities
I will take the abuse as I’m not worthy of anything better
God cannot use me
I am not worth knowing
I cannot do anything worth while
Why bother trying
Laziness and depression are often a result of this.
We do not try to achieve little things let alone great things, as we do not feel worthy or acceptable enough to do them, and so we settle for what is second best. Our relationships are not correct as our hurts get in the way and we do not know why the problems are there in our marriage or friendships. We also blame ourselves as we believe we are not adequate or deserve better things.
“At least I get some love” (sex = love usually)
“This marriage is better than none,” (and I cannot do better in finding a husband)
“At least he loves me enough to talk to me”
“This is the best I can do, as I am not good enough to have anyone better”
You will have a relationship with anyone who will accept you (regardless of the abuse endured to keep the relationship as you believe you cannot find a better one or another one who will accept you).
In order to develop a relationship with God, it will take effort in doing the things that builds the relationship. The degree that you desire to have an intimate relationship with God determines the effort you put into developing that relationship. Deliverance is the first step in this road to wholeness.
This lack of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-esteem is a major reason why people identify in fantasy with important people or see themselves as famous or important in scenarios which they create in their minds. It is also why people idolize television, sport, pop and movie stars as they live their worth through these people and through the actions they carry out on the screen. This is how they get pleasure and self–fulfilment, which they cannot appear to obtain in real life. Satan has used a lie to replace their reality and the deliverance Jesus offers.
Television soap operas are so popular with women, for their romance and glamour; action movies are with men, because of their macho actions and attitudes. We are a traumatized age that lives and gets our worth and value, at times, only through movies, television, or sports stars, pop stars (or similar). People who are not damaged do not do this, and you will find that they do not need to watch these types of television shows and movies and in fact may find ministry to another better than these.
People who have sexual problems in their marriage look at pornography to give them pleasure. This group is another large dysfunctional area in the western world. Husbands do not feel adequate enough for their wives to accept them sexually. Extra-marital sex occurs because they obtain ‘love’ from the person they are not married to which seems to be missing from their marriage.
No man goes to another’s well unless their well has dried up. No partner goes to another for love and/or sex unless their partner has problems that needs deliverance and often it is a simple thing that marriage has compounded and which deliverance before marriage would have prevented.
Satan controls the media and has used it to keep damaged people damaged, because they rely on the media to meet their need and not on Jesus and His deliverance. While the church hides in its buildings and does not do the works of Jesus, that of demonstrating the Kingdom with signs and authority and God’s gifts, this invasion by the media, into our life will only get worse.
Coping and dulling measures are designed to numb the emotional pain while legalism, perfectionism and rituals of any kind are designed to make you feel secure and acceptable. Coping mechanisms are actually taught by demons that have entered as a result of the original abuse. They bring in sickness, death, addiction or disability and other demons as well who add to these things. All disease and addiction is in some way a result of demonic intervention. A common pattern that manifests in the area of emotions is fear and anxiety sometimes leading to heart attack or mental illness.
Some coping and dulling measures:
I am loved (love = sex)
I am worthwhile (they wants me sexually)
I have value (I am worthwhile to have sex with)
Drugs (alcohol, smoking)
Music (head banging, loud rock and heavy metal) Sport
Specialist fields of knowledge that need no emotional involvement
External image” fashion, jewelry, face and skin appearance
House is perfect (the house is perfect therefore I am acceptable)
Religion (I am a good churchgoer and do all the things the denomination/cult says, therefore God must accept me, and I must be a worthwhile person since I am able to obey the legal requirement of the church/cult)
Legalism, perfectionism and ritual
Fear of authority/man so you ‘toe the line’ and do what they say even though it might not be the right or correct thing to do
Acceptance though performance and obedience so you do what is required no matter what it means
Access to God by ritual or prayers that are established or formulated as well as ‘works’ acceptable to the authority in the church
Worship or prayer mechanisms that have worked in the past as they appear to ‘please God’ and be accepted by Him
Wrong view of God’s love
How can God Love me I am so terrible and unworthy
How can Go accept me as His Child I am so terrible and unworthy
Proper Biblical coping mechanisms
Know your relationship to God
Know His provision for you in resisting evil
Know your worth to Him
Trust completely in His Love, Control, Purposes and Plans for you
Serving the Kingdom as a citizen of the Kingdom
Having a proper relationship with Father, Son, Holy Spirit Helping others to be free from the kingdom of darkness Deliverance for the abused and fighting the abuser on the spiritual level by attacking the demons driving them to do the abuse.
The abuser has demons controlling them and guiding them to abuse others or to react incorrectly to others.. These demons can be bound in Jesus’ Name and prevented from using the abuser against you.
All demons need to be removed from the abused and, if possible, the abuser.
Remember, you need to find the root cause before a person is delivered fully from a problem. Do not just deal with the results of the manifestation. Work through the causes till you find the root cause of the problem.
Those who are abused need to know the truths that will set them free.
Demons will try to control the abuser as much as is possible
The abuser has only as much control as you let him in most abuse situations (unless he forces you
to submit through violence in the cases of physical abuse).
Demons control the abuser
Jesus is greater and in His Name (authority) the demons can be bound and made ineffective
The abuser must make you think and feel about yourself in an incorrect way in order to be able to abuse you as he desires too
The Truths of God about who you are as person along with a proper self-evaluation and spiritual warfare prevent the lies of the abuser from taking hold.
Those who are abused need to be shown how to cope Biblically and to not use their current coping methods.
Works through fear and manipulation
Take the pain to Jesus to heal it and ask Him how to deal with the situation. Stand up to the abuser fearlessly and it will cause them problems and may often stop the abuse.
The abuser does not love themselves so cannot love others and hope they are lovable but do not believe this.
Love the person, but not the abuse
Cry to Jesus for deliverance from the abuse when it happens and attack the demons behind it
Deliverance and healing are required to remove the foothold the abuser has made in your personality and mind.
Abuser must get you to focus on them and not Jesus to keep you bound
Realize who you are in Jesus so the lies of the abuser can no longer take hold
Those who are abused need to assert themselves and if they cannot do this in the presence of the abuser, then they should leave the area of abuse for their own sake until they can do so. They are stewards of their spirit, soul, body and mind and must protect these on behalf of Jesus so you must remove them from areas of harm.
The abused needs to learn how to trust God and His love again.
They need to know how to fight off demonic attacks done through the abuser.
Motivated by demon (but they do not realize the thoughts are not their own but are placed there by demons)
Need to bind the demons in abuser so they cannot use them to attack. Need to know spiritual warfare
Needs deliverance from demons
Need to pray for the abuser so they will see their need for Jesus and deliverance from the demons in them
Their Position in Jesus
Those who are abused need to walk close to Jesus so that they keep their identity correctly in focus and so that they know their worth is based on His worth of their lives, rather than on their actions, works or others’ opinions of them. Someone can say all they want about you or to you but ultimately it is what Jesus thinks that matters. Just as the abused have received the understanding that their salvation is based on what Jesus has done for them and the fact nothing more need be done, other than believing in faith and obeying Him, so must they also learn to walk on a daily basis in this attitude and its consequences in their life.
Worship also helps them affirm their position in Jesus and worship is also emotionally healing.
Healing the Wounded Heart
The heart that is damaged places a protective shell around itself so that it cannot be hurt any more. Jesus can break this shell, but then it exposes all the person’s hurts underneath as well as their fears that caused the shell in the first place. These areas of hurt and fear need healing as well. Once this happens, the person can start to love again. This can be difficult unless the memories and emotions are healed enabling the person to take the risks necessary to relate to others correctly. They also need to learn to not react towards others as a result of the fear of being hurt or because of fear of additional pain or anger (anger is a defence mechanism). Any prayer in this area must cover all of this.
They must also trust Jesus for the results of expressing His Love as they have been commanded to by Him to do and He will deal with any consequences that occurs as a result of loving others as He Loves them.
Satan will try and abuse you when you are young if you demonstrates the Love of God so that his abuse will cause you problems when you grow up. Jesus will always help you to overcome the abuse and will help you endure it. If you cannot overcome the abuse and it is not being used by Jesus to teach and mature you then perhaps you need to examine yourself to see if there is any knowingly unrepented sin in you or you are not where Jesus wants you at that time. You probably need deliverance as that will remove the sin.
Women who are hurt greatly have trouble trusting people, and only the power of unconditional love will obtain their trust and help them to live normal lives again. This love requires acceptance of their actions as well as responding in love to them regardless of what they do. Confrontation usually only worsens the situation as that is what has driven them away in the past. As usual, The Holy Spirit needs to guide you in this.
If they are a Christian you can cast out demons they do not want or who came in uninvited using the five steps.
Jesus can heal them. But it is up to them to be desired to be healed.
Stewardship of life and its defence
God has given the woman a life to be steward of. Anything that threatens to harm it needs to be removed or if that is not possible then she is to remove herself from its threat.
So if a woman is abused to the point that harm will come to her she has a responsibility to God to remove herself from that threat as well as any children she has been given stewardship of with her husband. If he was carrying out his stewardship properly she would not have to leave so it is usual that the children are also abused and need to be removed from the abusive spouse.
If a woman abuses a man then he has to leave with his children to preserve what he has been made steward of if there is any threat to his or his children’s health, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual.
The transition process
As with all change there is pain but if correctly handled there is much to gain.
God removes demons and things that:
Stops you doing His work
Stops you becoming more intimate with Him
Stops you getting into heaven.
Jesus has to remove these hindrances Satan has had you accept so He can replace them with His things.
So you need to have removed all things not of Jesus that caused you to behave incorrectly.
Part of the problem is the insecurity you go through in this process.
But you have the promise of God in Matt 6:33: That if you obey Him, He will provide all you need. So to be content in this transition period you need to accept what God does and not desire more, which may actually be to your harm.
You need to have complete trust in God’s: Love, Purpose, Plans and Control of all your circumstances or you will be insecure and not cope as you should.
God will use the situation to mature your more in a short time than you would have in years of comfortable living. But you must trust Him!
Satan will tell you that you will never be free from your bondage but Jesus calls Satan a liar. The deliverance pr ayer at the beginning of this book should have shown this ti be free. If you wee not delivered from your bondage by it seek someone with a deliverance ministry as there are things stopping deliverance. Usually it is one of three things:
Not wanting to give up a sin
Not wanting to reconcile with another
You will need to deal with these things before you can b e fully delivered as the stop God from hearing y our prayer as the only prayer He listens for is t he one repenting of these things. Then he will honour your request for deliverance from the bondages Satan has placed on you.
What follows is as an explanation of the five steps. To remove internal Demons you use all the five steps. To remove external Demons you use steps 1,3 and 5.
The five steps apply the authority Jesus has delegated to you in an easy to remember framework. What follows is the result of years of experience of deliverance ministry on the Internet freeing people from Satan and his attacks.
It works because it is based on James 4:7
The five steps used to fight personal attacks of Satan and are as follows: Give the Subject, matter, event, weakness, area, problem, all the
causes, consequences of these to Jesus to be Lord as well as all associated matters (to make it part of His Kingdom).
Repent, especially of bitterness; root of bitterness, unforgiveness and of wrong attitudes to others or yourself, especially self-pity. Forgive other people and yourself. You may need to pray: “Lord I forgive all and myself. Help me to forgive please” and/or “Lord I repent. Help me to repent please”.
In Jesus’ Name cast Satan out as He is and escaped prisoner and has no right to be in these areas as these matters have been given to Jesus and now belong to The Kingdom of God. Satan cannot touch these things without God’s permission and has to leave when commanded to do so
in Jesus’ Name.
In Jesus, Name command healing of the damage Satan did to you and restoration of all Satan took from you.
Ask Holy Spirit to fill you completely and to take place of the demons that have left you.
The five steps are based on our position in The Kingdom of God:
What belongs to Jesus Satan cannot touch without the permission of Jesus
Our position in The Kingdom of God is possible because of our redemption
Jesus has authority over Satan and can tell him what to do
The five steps are not a magic formula but a framework to help you to give to Jesus the parts of your life He is not Lord of. It is these areas Satan uses or tries to use as He cannot attack the areas given to Jesus, for Him to be Lord of, without the consent of Jesus.
There is nothing wrong with Jesus not being Lord of any part of your life as long as you do not realize this part is not yet given to Him. Jesus expects you to deal with what you know. Not what you do not know.
Why give areas to Jesus and not individual sins?
The basis of what to give to Jesus in the framework of the five steps is the giving of an area to The Lord rather than fighting individual demons in an area.
For example, a person may have a problem with various areas of pornography. The person does not have to declare each area of pornography they have problems with but gives the whole area of pornography in his life to Jesus to deal with and be lord of. He will do a general repentance for pornography in his life and not any specific sin unless told to do so by The Holy Spirit.
You can say these areas in your heart or whisper them very softly so that no one else can hear them so that no one but you, Jesus and Satan know what they are. What they are is no one else’s business anyway and that includes anyone helping you through the five steps or the deliverance prayers at the beginning of this book.
When a demon enters they invite others in so that there may be many demons. If you fight individual demons you need to remove them one at a time. But if you give the area to The Lord then they all have to go when cast out from that area.
As these areas now belong to Jesus the demons must leave and must go when told to do so. If they are stubborn then ask Jesus to enforce His authority over them.
This is why you give areas, events, weaknesses, circumstances, consequences, everything associated with them etc to The Lord so everything in that area is dealt with at once.
Remember you can give the area to Jesus quietly in your heart so no one else knows what you have given except Jesus and Satan and that is all that is important. You may also need to cast out demons trying to block you using the five steps or your hearing The Holy Spirit to know what to give to Jesus.
A prayer should be said like:
In Jesus Name I forbid you Satan blocking me hearing The Holy Spirit or remembering what I need to give to Jesus
It may be necessary to examine types of sins to determine the root cause so you know which area(s) to give to Jesus but usually it is not necessary to examine individual sins of a person to determine what the area is that is to be given to Jesus.
Jesus knows all our sins so we do not need to confess them individually but just the area of weakness they are in. All Jesus asks is that we wholeheartedly try not to sin in that area and if we do then we give it back to Him to be Lord of using the framework of the five steps and keep on wholeheartedly trying not to sin.
We will fail as we are not perfect. This does not mean we are evil. It means we need to try harder. We are evil only if we deliberately accept what Satan suggests for us to do and do not repent of doing this regardless whether or not we actually do it.
It is important to wholeheartedly keep trying to obey as it is only through unrepented disobedience that you will lose your salvation (Re
Application of the Five Steps.
These are used to:
Remove the damage Satan caused to you (Deliverance)
Fight the temptations of Satan
Deal with weaknesses and fears in your life that lead to sin
To protect current or future activities by stopping Satan from attacking or using them (steps 1,3,5)
To attack Satan and his kingdom
You can also use them to give to Jesus problems you are having in an area or projects/things you are going to do for Him to help you in them and protect them for you.
Why demons do not manifest when using the five steps
I puzzled why demons did not manifest when the five steps were used for the purposes of deliverance.
Then Jesus showed me why.
Satan is not fighting you when Jesus is your Lordof something you have given to him. Satan has to fight Jesus to regain it. That is why there is no confrontation with a demon when you use the five steps. Satan is not fighting you but Jesus, who now has control of what Satan wants.
In summary, the five steps are:
Give it all to Jesus
Repent and forgive
Cast out Satan
Command healing and restoration
Ask Holy Spirit to take their place and fill you completely.
Appendix B How to Hear The Holy Spirit
It is important to be able to hear The Holy Spirit clearly as He is your guide to live as Jesus desires you to live and to fight Satan as Jesus desires you to fight Satan. Remember Romans 8:14, that to be an adopted child of The Father you need to be led (guided) by The Holy Spirit.
Lord, I want to hear The Holy Spirit so I can do Your Will and be guided to be Your follower and son/daughter by adoption. I give this desire to
You and am sorry for anything I have done wrong in this area.
In Jesus’ Name I command any demons that are blocking me from hear- ing and understanding the truths The Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit want me to hear and understand to go immediately in Jesus’ Name to The Throne of Judgment to be judged. I ask You, Holy Spirit, to take their place.
How You Hear The Holy Spirit
Unless The Holy Spirit or Satan actually appear to you, they can only interact with you in your mind. When they are speaking it is as if they are your own thoughts or that you are talking to yourself.
People often mistake this for a disorder as if there are apparently two personalities in them when demons are speaking audibly in your mind. Also when The Holy Spirit is speaking, they usually think it is their own thoughts. So you need to know who is interacting with you.
If it is not your thoughts then it is either The Holy Spirit or Satan placing them there. You can actually hold a conversation with the Holy Spirit or the demons representing Satan and ask them questions and they will answer if appropriate. Only answers from The Holy Spirit are 100% truthful. Demons will answer in a way that furthers their purposes for you.
You will need to silence your mind. You may have trouble hearing Him (The Holy Spirit) especially if you are in a place full of distractions or in a place where Satan rules. Remember, The Holy Spirit, has a still, quiet, voice.
The Holy Spirit will place an: impression, picture, or thought in your mind, or even speak to you in an audible voice. You will know it is from Him as it will not cause you to fear. He may speak in other ways than these, but these are the normal ways. You may feel a check in your spirit which is a ‘no’. If He does not reply it is also a ‘no’, so you ask Him the reason why He said ‘no’ or did not reply as He may tell you and you may find out more by this answer than by the answer you desired.
The answer He gives you will line up with The Bible, and you will have peace in your heart over it. Remember, God will not contradict His Word.
Remember also, that Satan will try and cause you doubt about what you are hearing. Then cause you to reason that it is wrong or impossible so that you believe you are not hearing correctly. He will also at times place fear or other wrong emotions, feelings or sensations in you to cause you to doubt God’s Love, Control, Plans or Purposes for you to take away your trust in God and your joy in Him and His things He has for you. At times Satan will block you hearing The Holy Spirit so you need to cast him out and stop him doing this and ask The Holy Spirit again what you wanted to know. If you do not hear from The Holy Spirit, ask the following:
Is Satan blocking the answer (remember Daniel and the angel who was delayed from giving Daniel God’s Answer)
Are you in a place in which Satan rules so that the spiritual atmosphere is blocking The Holy Spirit?
Are you in sin and do you need to deal with it using the five points?
Are you to ask this particular question of The Holy Spirit?
If you do not get an answer:
It may not be the time to ask
It may not be the time to receive the answer
It may not be an appropriate question to ask
He also may not tell you so that Satan will also not know the answer.
Are you to command demons that are blocking you from hearing the Holy Spirit to leave in Jesus’ Name?
Do you really want to hear the answer?
Are you seriously listening or just going through the motions of listening
Faith does not need to hear the answer to find out what God is doing as it trusts Him completely so does not worry if they are not told the answer.
The Holy Spirit is your Companion in this life, so it is necessary to be in continual communication with Him as He helps you to navigate the traps of Satan and do the Will of God.
Develop the habit of being led by The Holy Spirit
Unless it is an emergency you are trained to react in whenever anything happens do not react or assume things. Stop and ask Holy Spirit what to do.
Get into the habit of asking Him about situations and problems and listening to His advice before you comment on anything. He promises to guide you into all truth and not just spiritual truth (Jn 16:13). Learn to listen as you do your daily chores and activities and He will speak to you about things you need to know and will guide you in the doing of them. Always walk around with one spiritual ear listening to The Holy Spirit.
Seek to be always in a right relationship with Jesus so you do not block hearing The Holy Spirit. After all He will also tell you when Satan is attacking as well as how to deal with the attack.
Other books I have published through lulu.com
Deliverance - how Jesus taught me to do it
Faith, Hope and Love
Calvary, Sin and Redemption
Our Father and The Trinity
Who is Jesus The Christ and Jesus my Love
The Humanising of Jesus
The Holy Spirit
Jesus, Satan and You
The Silent War
Judgment on The Nations
The Body and Fellowship
This Web Page was Built with PageBreeze Free HTML Editor