The attitudes/emotions we should have in a marriage

Satan has convinced the world that marriage is sex, emotional pleasure and doing things together.  He has managed to remove God’s Love and Lordship from the marriage (as they should be expressed by Christians to each other) and from the attitudes and emotions we should have in marriage.

As a Christian, your spouse is foremost a fellow Christian to love as Jesus loves as well as a fellow servant in ministry.  An equal in the eyes of God (Gal 3:28).  Therefore we are to love them as Jesus loves them - putting their needs first in all things.

While the man is the emotional support for the wife he is only a support to help her rely on Jesus Spiritually and should help her to focus on Jesus and His spiritual protection of her.

The differences between a relationship and marriage is the same as the difference between a brother and sister and your spouse and you.

You are able to do things brothers and sisters cannot do or should not do.

You spend more time together (live together) and work jointly at the ministry Jesus gives you.

There is intimacy and sex and other physical pleasures you are allowed to indulge in

You are authorised (by God) to have children as well as raise them.  (Some may only be able to raise spiritual children others physical and spiritual children.  God can give you children if He needs you to have them if not then He will give you better).

You have some one to lift you if you fall or to encourage you through the deepest trials as no other can (Ec 4:9-10)

You are able to fulfil your role as male or female in a way you cannot fully do if you are not married.

You are unified through sex so that y our soul is in a sense shared with each other.

Satan has tried to make marriage an emotional exercise so you cannot minister as you should to your spouse or others.  Love is not emotion driven.  It releases emotion.  By making love emotion driven Satan has made people react emotionally and not stop and ask Jesus what to do.  This is why so many marriages are not as they should be.

People are reacting and not standing back and asking The Holy Spirit what to do - what Jesus wants done in the marriage or situation.  They are listening to their emotions or reason and thus clouding The Voice of The Holy Spirit.

Satan will try and guide your reactions, emotions and reason if Jesus is not Lord of them so that you will do what he is suggesting you do.  He cannot control what you do not let him have control of and the best way to stop Satan having control is to make sure it belongs to Jesus and is guided by The Holy Spirit.  In otherwords:

Give the situation to Jesus to be Lord of

Command Satan to leave that situation in Jesus’ Name and to take all he has done and/or is doing with him and go to Jesus to be dealt with.
Ask The Holy Spirit to take his place so Satan cannot come back in that area.

Satan will always try and place thoughts in your mind to indicate he has not left, but it is a lie of his as he is on the outside unable to get back into that area unless you let him.

To obey Jesus you must die (control) your self so reason and emotions do not cloud your hearing Him.  This is the main problem with marriages.  Emotion and feeling have replaced hearing Jesus as people have believed the lie that these are proper reactions to things because of what Satan has declared the acceptable way to relate to others through his control of the media.

Dying to self is controlling our natural reactions and stepping back from them so we can hear The Holy Spirit so we can do the Will of Jesus and this is how we should relate not just in marriage but in all situations.

We should never argue, be angry, assume or react ans Satan can control these and through this control make us do what He wants us to do because we think we are thinking those thoughts and so do them.

Unity of behaviour

A spouse will expect the character and behaviour of their spouse not to change after marriage.  In fact their love for each other should grow even more as the marriage progresses.  If the character and attitudes of your spouse change after the marriage it means before marriage they were a hypocrite pretending to be something they are not or they need deliverance to remain consistent in their behaviour or eve better, they are maturing in Jesus!

In Sickness and in Death

Love does not require the other person to love you back in return.

What happens if your spouse becomes:

Mentally ill, or

Physically debilitated through illness or accident, or

Is dying from a terminal illness?

Jesus may heal them.  If he does not, ask why.

If it is demonic blockage you need to remove it.

If it is not His Will to heal then ask why

If it is any other reason then deal with it

These answers will make the situation easier to bear.

If He does not say why there is no healing then you must fall back on three principles:

You do not need to know

It is not time to know, or

He is testing your faith

Mat 6:33 applies.  You need to trust Him and leave it in His hands

The spouse may be incapable of showing love to you.  You may not be able to show the love of a spouse but you can still show the deeper love of a Christian towards them (to the degree they will let you show it)

Jesus will help you, The Father will Provide, and The Holy Spirit will strengthen and guide you.

The Second Witness in a marriage

In a marriage of two Spirit led people you have the two witnesses required by scripture to confirm or witness something.  The husband and wife should share plans and ask each other what they think about issues that may be uncertain or need confirmation of scripture.  The other partner is the second witness where decision needs to be made, that are not clear from The Bible and its principles

While the wife is submissive domestically she still has a say in what happens and spiritually is an equal so in spiritual things she is the second witness and also in domestic things as necessary but the husband has the final determination in the area of domestic matters.

Susan says

The woman and the man are second witnesses to each other as they are in a union and are made to be one in working through life and family and relationship.

This includes the daily things such as sharing thoughts, ideas, shopping, planning etc. When a partner cannot communicate or express his or her thoughts, ideas or plans due to being ignored or belittled it develops into rejection and a division between the marriage partners. Rejection causes deep personal devaluation, hurts and spiritually wounds a person. Deliverance is the key to healing’

However the victim is not the only one in need of deliverance as the other partner has a problem in that they need to overcomeand control. Both need prayer and deliverance to overcome and it IS POSSIBLE!

Essentially, God gave Adam a companion and when this ceases the marriage is out of its rightful place.

It is a great blessing to live the fulfilment of companionship in marriage.

It is one of the greatest blessings of marriage on earth, to behold and cherish each other forsaking all else. That is with God at the head or steering wheel.

Why is hearing The Spirit not taught?

People do not teach how to hear and be led by the Spirit so this second witness does not arise in their concept of decision making.  Also, if the man is considered wrongly to be the spiritual head the wife does not have a real part in the decision making and is not considered necessary to witness to the man’s decisions.

God meant the wife to be the prophetess or similar and the man the deliverance minister so to speak, but he meant both to be spiritually equal except the wife is usually more sensitive to spiritual things because women are more sensitive than men in these areas.  So this has to be a plan of Jesus that they would witness to what God told each other or else it would be ridiculous saying that marriage is a partnership and then saying on only one person has the authority to make decisions.

Advice to a husband on ministry

Husbands! Do not neglect the gifts God has given your wife!  Stir them up! Encourage her in them and you will have a ministry partner in the ministry God has called you both to do and will have a wife who will love you even more because you are helping her be the woman she can be in Jesus!

The problem is that men fear being not as good as their wife so suppress them rather than be shown to be not as good as their wife.  But if God made you both that way then it is for a reason for His Kingdom and to not press that relationship is disobedience.

Are women equal in ministry?

Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

This verse plainly says that when you are in the body of Christ (in Jesus) there are no cultural, racial, sexual or ministry differences.  You are all equal before Him as individuals He died for.  Any of these differences exercised are from Satan who seeks to destroy this oneness in the Body of Christ.

This means that the sexual roles we have in our domestic relations are not to be used as a basis for spiritual authority as they do not apply.  In  other words, a man is domestic head of the house but he cannot use that relationship to assume spiritual authority over the woman as this verse says the sexual roles in the domestic relationship are irrelevant for determining spiritual relationships and roles.

The implication of this for ministry is that women can have the same roles as men. They can be leaders, pastors prophets etc. and not just be submissive to the males in the church.

The only requirement is that their relationships with Jesus and others are in place and they carry out their domestic roles properly.  This is because in God’s scheme of things spiritual maturity (developed through obedience to Jesus) is the determining factor for any temporary mentoring or guiding spiritual authority and not man’s schooling or promotion.

So people who are against women being ordained or leading in churches and who claim spiritual authority over them are disobeying scripture.  No wonder so much strife occurs as Satan has a wonderful time playing men and women off against each other.

As long as the household the woman is steward of is in order and she is sufficiently mature and she is authorised by The Holy Spirit to minister, then no one can stop her ministering unless they are led by Satan to do so.

Can a wife minister or lead in a ministry.

A wife can lead or minister if she has her headship in place, her home in place, her relationship with Jesus in place and she is sufficiently spiritually mature to lead.  If Jesus directs her to lead there should be no human restriction placed on her as The Holy Spirit will be leading her.  God is sending out couples for ministry in these ends times as equals, so that ministry is a shared one and not just the male ministers.  However the domestic side such as accommodation, transport and similar the husband has responsibility for while the wife would look after the clothes and any food requirements.  In other words they are spiritual equals but the domestic roles still apply while not ministering.

The one admonition is for a woman not to teach a man.  Note ‘man’ singular, not crowd of ‘men’ (plural).  This admonition stops possible sexual immorality when people get too close in ministry.  This is especially so on a one to one basis of ministry where both are alone with each other.  Where there is a great distance between the people (like on the internet in another continent) this is not so important.

On this basis a man should not teach a woman because the same problems could occur.

As the old saying is: “Man to man and mam to mam!”

With ministry of one individual to another it is better the same sexes minister to each other because of the different emotional make-up God gave each sex that means men and women have different perspectives on life and look at things differently.

Happy is the man who understands headship, covering and the role a wife is to play in the joint ministry Jesus has given them

Note that during the years the children are raised their main joint ministry is to the children and not to the body.  When the children have reached a certain age then from their experiences in this ministry they can then, as a couple, teach others.

Ministry Desires

Women look at female speakers on the stage and say things like:

“I wish I was like her!”

“I wish I could minister like her!”

That is wrong.  God does not want you to be like someone else.  He wants you to be the person He made you to be and to minister how, when and where He designed you to minister.

Firstly you minister to Him and as He tells you to others.  So He wants you to spend time with Him to know Him better so you can hear Him better obey Him better and serve Him better.

Secondly, to minister to your husband and family.  If you cannot minister too and look after those closest to you whom you love how can God entrust you with others outside your family.

Thirdly, He wants you to get your life and house in order.  If you cannot be a good steward of things close to you then He cannot entrust you with anything else.

Lastly, He wants you to serve Him each day as He asks you to and not as you think He wants you to or should do.  It is in the small routine matters of daily life that most of our service and worship is done.

Do not seek to do great things for God but seek to do each day what He gives you and as  you walk this path of Mat 6:33 you will receive all God has for you in this life and in the next and will minister as He desires you to on His behalf.

There is a principle that is very important.  God will not allow you to teach another something unless it is a part of your life or you are learning it so that you have demonstrated you are able to fulfil the requirements yourself and are worthy to teach what you are experiencing or have experienced to another.  To teach when you are not able to do adequately what you are teaching is a form of hypocrisy (unless God is using the teaching as a learning experience).

Plans for your spouse

Do not desire your spouse to be something they are not. You will have problems relating to them if they do not satisfy your dreams and you will become bitter or discontent and the marriage will be destroyed or will be a poor semblance of what it should be.

You must accept them as God made them as well as wait on God for what He desires to do with you both.

As you are led by The Holy Spirit He will show you what to do so that your spouse is developed as God desire her to be developed and not as you desire her to be.

God desires to use you as a couple otherwise there was no need to marry for God to use you.

The wife may only play supporting role while the children are young but that does not mean she cannot minister with her husband at home or in public.

If you want your spouse to be something God does not want them to be as long as you ignore God and hold to that dream, that dream is an idol and will stop God using you both as He desires to use you.

If you want God to use your marriage, give to Him your dreams, let The Spirit guide you and The Spirit will lead you on the path God has for on which is all God has planned for you which is also the best for and has on it all y  o need to get to heaven and be fulfilled as a person.

While you tell God what your spouse should be doing you are not where God desires you to be and you are missing out on all God has for you in marriage, ministry, rewards, and whatever else He has for you.

Abortion and Birth Control

God commanded married people to be fruitful (have children) and populate the earth.  This command has never been rescinded.  Any act that wilfully hinders or stops this fruitfulness is sin as it breaks this command of God given only to married people.  This problem should not arise before marriage as sex should not be done before marriage.

Abortion and birth control both disobey this command and are a lack of trust in God’s Control of a person’s life that God cannot help them bear or look after the child financially or in any other way.

Hindering this command to reproduce also stops God blessing you with children and in some cases will prevent children being born at a later stage when the hindering event is no longer carried upon by the married couple.

In the case of abortion it also stops bringing into the world a life God wants born as He has allowed it to come into existence in the womb.

When a child is conceived doctors have seen a flash of light as the soul and spirit are joined and in fact this is one way invitrofertilisation people know the egg has been successfully impregnated.

The aborted baby goes straight to heaven so Satan by removing the baby, stops a life God could have possibly used greatly.  The mother he then destroys through guilt and grief and make her ineffective as a force to fight him and to teach others how to fight him unless she has deliverance for the emotional effects and damage of the abortion.

Until the mother has deliverance from the abortion and forgives herself and those that made her do it she cannot be used by God in any real way.

Satan has effectively crippled the woman and bound her so that she cannot effectively minister for Jesus and may even take her life through the abortion or damage her so much she cannot have any more children.

There is forgiveness for abortion at Calvary so spiritually there is healing there but the physical damage may possibly be only healed after death.

Abusive Spouse

I firstly make two comments

Every person is required by God to be a good steward of their mind and body and to protect it from damage.

If your spouse breaks their marriage vows by abusing you or rejecting you as a spouse and not honouring their commitment to the marriage then the marriage is broken before God and only the legal (earthly) government side of it remains.  Unless there is adultery so you can divorce him the only thing you can do is separate to protect yourself and any children in the hope he will repent and obtain deliverance so that reconciliation is possible.  God came to reconcile so until this avenue is no longer possible divorce is not an option.  Usually the abuser divorces so the abused person is innocent in the matter of the divorce.

Physical Abuse

You may need to separate from your spouse to protect your body.

A non-Christian cannot be approached by the church elders so escape from the abusive non-Christian spouse may be the only solution  There is no marriage before God after the abuser drives you away through the severity of the abuse and only the legal side need to be dealt with (divorce).  If the abusive spouse repents and becomes a Christian before divorce then, and only if they are no longer abusive, can the marriage be restored but both spouses would need to go through deliverance before this was possible.

If the abusive spouse is a Christian the elders of the church need to be approached and if they are ignored by the abusive spouse then it is time to flee if you are in danger of physical abuse.  If they have deliverance then perhaps the marriage can be restored otherwise it is broken before God and only the legal side needs to be dealt with (divorce).

You must remember a Christian makes the vows of marriage to God and not the state.  So a marriage can be broken before God but still have a legal marriage under the laws of the land.

The Holy Spirit will tell you if a marriage is no longer valid before God and until he does by the mouth of two or three witnesses you are still married as far as God is concerned.  The legal side is to protect the woman in the earth environment and really confirms the marriage before God.

Sexual abuse is an intense form of physical abuse that has emotional and mental abuse as well.

Mental Abuse

You may need to leave if mental abuse is very bad for the sake of your mind.  The only exception is where the person is mentally ill as  you have vowed to stay with them in sickness and death (in the wedding vows) and they really cannot help themselves.  God will give you the strength to cope with the situation and will eventually deliver you from it.

Divorce is not and option in this situation.  To divorce is to say Jesus has asked you to care for someone then not given you what you need to care for them.

Above All

You are a Christian and so must express God’s quality of love to all, especially your spouse which means you express the fruit of The Holy Spirit in all you do.  This means you need to discipline yourself so that you learn to control yourself to express these towards your spouse and others and it is up to  you to learn to do this.  If you do not do this then the marriage will be a poor shadow of what it can be.