Yes, there is suppose to be sex in marriage and it is suppose to be enjoyable but too many women feel like prostitutes, used or defrauded by their husband who seems to express only lust in sex and not the gentleness, tenderness and Godly love they desire expressed in sex. This abuse is a result of the way the world portrays sex and because God’s original plan for it has been hidden by Satan.
Sex is the only thing a husband and wife can do with each other which God states they cannot do with anyone else. This is why it is so important. A marriage that is falling apart either goes bad sexually or ends up with it being the only thing they can share and that it is done for the sake of their own pleasure and not to give the partner pleasure. At times they say there is a marriage only because they have sex. There is no reason why sex should not be adventurous and joyful. God gave it to be enjoyed not frowned upon as ‘dirty’.
When a desire for a person is from the heart (pure love) and not from the flesh there is no lust in it so sensuality is not a part of the relationship and sex is on a completely different experiential level.
Because it is from the heart of love the husband will patiently and even joyfully prepare his wife to be able to accept him entering her in a way and in her timing that makes them both feel complete and one with each other.
Sex is not two individuals giving themselves pleasure. It is a couple united as one in the eyes of God giving the other pleasure.
The joy of being together without the need for sex is a foretaste of heaven where there is no sex just the joy of being with each other and enjoying heaven together.
If you love your spouse as Jesus does sex will not be as important as being with them and it is this joy express in sex that makes it so wonderful!.
The parallel in the Bible is drawn between God and the church and a Husband and wife. The former is a spiritual relationship and the latter a physical relationship. They are both based on Love for each other, firstly to God and then to the spouse. On earth sex is the ultimate pleasure. In heaven it will be being in the presence of Jesus and The Father.
We obey God and offer Him our bodies to use as He will. In marriage, one use He has for our body is to give our spouse pleasure in sex. If we seek our own sexual pleasure it is lust and the spouse will feel used. If we give our bodies to Jesus and use it to give our partner pleasure then we have holy unity. The giving of our body to the partner is an act of worship to God as we use our body as He directs. So we are in unity of purpose with Him in an act He has decreed to be done which is necessary to fulfil His command to populate the earth. Holy union occurs when love is the motive for all things and not lust and there is common purpose in the hearts of both partners to place Jesus Lord and His Principles first in all things including sex.
It is love for the spouse also that drives us to give them pleasure before our own. Love seeks the benefit of another before their own, the pleasure of another before their own. So an act of sex in this holy unity will be Godly, a form of worship and give glory to God. In this relationship there are no sexual problems or relational problems as the love needed for this is first worked out in the marriage outside of sex and what happens in sex is a reflection of this.
Sex is an expression of the spiritual relationship between a husband and his wife and reflects the degree of love, intimacy and trust in the marriage relationship. If there are sexual problems in a marriage then get the relationship right and then you will find many other problems are sorted out. When the relationship is what God wants it to be then all will be in place and He can bless the marriage.
Before sex and even before going to sleep generally, each partner should make certain the other partner has not been offended by them or has nothing against them as this will hinder their intimacy, sleep and holy unity before God!
At times, rather than having sex a woman just wants to be held close to feel comfort and security in the embrace of her husband. Sex at this time may make her feel all you are interested in is her body and that you do not appreciate her as a person who has emotions and feelings that need to be met. Sex may follow your showing your love and appreciation of her and not asking for it but it will be a natural response to your love for her and not something demanded because she is your wife.
Sex should not occur when the wife has an emotional need that needs to be met first. As you meet this need in her she will see your love for her as a person and will be able to respond to your advances.
Sex that is based on love is gentle and secondary to the joy of just being next to their spouse.
Lust results in passion and getting what you can sensually out of the act.
Love results in serving and the spouse and giving them pleasure before your own.
A man who loves his wife will delight to give her pleasure before his own pleasure and will rejoice in her response to his giving her pleasure and by this obtain the desires he wants from sex. He does not take them but accepts them as a response to his love expressed physically to her.
Marriage is very tactile (touchy/feely) and if this is missing something is missing from the marriage:
The touching ranges from holding hands To full body contract (in sex) and a woman that does not have the supportive loving touch of her husband as well as words that shows his love for her will not be as secure in the matrimonial relationship as she should be.
It should be a loving touch that will draw her to him and not a lustful touch that will drive her away!
Unions in sex
In sex, souls unite and on this physical plane there is great pleasure because of this touching of souls and the ties that are made as a result. You have a soul tie to everyone you have sex in that demons can use to access you and these need to be dealt with before marriage. They need to be broken and healed in Jesus’ Name and all the demons, that have use them at any time, sent to Jesus to be dealt with.
Where the union is of both spirits because of their unity in The Spirit the pleasure is purer and of the type that is experienced between husband and wife when the are in heaven (if they agree to live as a couple). This is when sex is gentle and peaceful and the couple can release all their love and emotions to each other as lust and desire for the other person’s body is not there but a desire for who the person is replaces lust with all the consequences in the spiritual that occurs in the subsequent expression in the physical(sexual pleasure) of their spiritual desire for each other.
This is why good sex is on a spiritual plane while that which Satan promotes is on a physical plane and is a poor inferior version of that which God has ordained for married couples.
Sex - the approach to the other person’s body
You should approach your spouse’s body with reverence. Your spouse has exposed herself to you with the object of giving you pleasure at the expense of her own pleasure so you should appreciate them for this. Their body is also the Temple of The Holy Spirit and should not be polluted by lustful acts!
So you approach your spouse’s body gently and reverently in love showing these qualities to her as you seek to give her pleasure before your own.
Your caress and touch of her body should be gentle and delicate and not violent or lustful so that your love for your spouse shows through all you do to them.
The spiritual element of sex should also be present and if you approach her body gently this will be there and it will draw you closer together and the love expressed can only come from the spirit and will strike a chord in the love of your spouse for you and draw her closer to you.
The joy of just being next to her should also be there so lust does not become the reason for the sexual encounter. It is the joy of doing something with someone you love which should be present in all you do together and not just the sex act.
Lust has no part in sex as God meant it to be which is why Satan promotes lust in sex and uses it to trap people through it.
God is love so sex should be an act of love and done in a loving, gentle, tender way and all the qualities that epitomise love should be shown in the way you caress and stroke your partners body.
Do not forget to thank your spouse for the pleasure she has given you through the sex act as she has exposed herself to you emotionally physically, spiritually and mentally and for this you should thank your spouse that she has loved you enough to risk doing this.
Sex done this way us an act of worship to God as it an expression of the type of Love he has to people and by this will also bring Him Glory!
If sex is done as an act of love it will be gentle and preoccupied with love for each other flowing between them. It is only when it is selfish and lustful it is passionate and/or violent as each seeks to use the other to obtain maximum pleasure for themselves.
A woman may be shy and not want to be naked before her husband. She may feel ashamed being naked. Deliverances is needed for the fears that her body may not be acceptable to her husband. There may also be sexual abuse or other damage to her self-image from childhood or a previous marriage that needs to be dealt with.
A husband who loves his wife spiritually will not criticise her body as it is the one God has given his spouse and he should accept it as such. To criticise her body is to question God’s allowing her to be like that. There may be a need to lose weight but it needs to be for health reasons and not for her appearance to please her husband.
Using sex as compensation
Sex should not be used to:
Fill up your emotional tank
as a reward
to feel accepted
to feel loved
to fulfil through guilt your sexual role
to show you are a mature adult
If you cannot love your spouse or meet their emotional need then you need deliverance.
Sex is an expression of love to another (your spouse). It should not be used to meet a need God or your spouse should meet. If it is used this way then the purpose of it (an expression of pure love to each other) is defeated.
Defrauding the spouse sexually
We are told not to defraud out spouse in regard to sex. This can occur in two ways:
Not giving them sex when you should
Not giving them sex in the way God wants you to give it to them (in love putting their pleasure before your own).
How much control do you have over the body of your spouse? None!
They are stewards of it and not you but they must not deprive you of sex (the pleasure of their body) if there is no valid reason to do so.
When sex is a result of love, it does not need to be demanded by a spouse. It will be a natural out flowing of the love and desire on the relationship to each other.
If you demand sex then one or both of you need deliverance. Sex is a gift of your spouse and not a right for you to ask for. If you need to ask or beg for it then you or your spouse need deliverance in an area of your life.
Sex is a gift from God
God did not need to make it necessary to have sex for reproductive purposes or to make it pleasurable. So we should thank God for this great gift and the pleasure we get from it.
A wife makes herself vulnerable so they can give their husband pleasure in sex. A husband should appreciate this and show his appreciation of this to her even if it is only by holding her close without asking for sex and by this showing she is loved for who she is as a person.
What one does not appreciate becomes misused or cheapened after a while. Appreciate your partner for all they do for you and your love will never wane.
Sexual Techniques and problems
You must listen to the Holy Spirit so He can Tell you what God does not want you to do in your sexual activities as not all that the world considers to be normal sex is from God. If you listen to your spouse they will tell you what gives them pleasure as well as what they feel comfortable doing.
You must never force your spouse to do something sexually they do not want to do as that is not love and they will be offended and Satan may bring fear into the relationship. At best they will have unease. At worst they will be afraid to have sex with you and will feel used or like a prostitute.
The husband must put His wife’s pleasure before his own. The reason a woman feels sex more keenly than a man does is because it is a reward for child bearing and childbirth. The man feels it less keenly as for him it is a reward for protecting the wife and providing for her which is far less painful than childbirth so to not put her pleasure first is to misunderstand these rewards.
Many women complain their spouse does not satisfy them and leaves them unfulfilled and at times they feel used and like a prostitute (their words not mine). It is the responsibility of the man to satisfy the woman before himself. That is what love does in a marriage. It satisfies the needs of the spouse before their own.
All women need preparation before their husband can penetrate them. The preparation is not just spiritual and emotional but also needs to be physical through appropriate foreplay and possibly an orgasm for the woman. The husband who loves his wife will prepare her in whatever way she needs to be prepared for him to enter her and give her pleasure as he does it.
When having sex remember a woman likes her husband to look at her and kiss her. So focus on her eyes and let her see your love for her in them and do not neglect her lips. She will see your love for her in her eyes and that will help her prepare you accept you into her. as well as heighten the pleasure once you are in her.
Do not fall for the trap of trying sex positions that require gymnastic agility or that cause her discomfort or unease. Sex is a merging of spirits expressed in the flesh and should be comfortable as well as pleasurable. Anything that reduces sexual pleasure for a partner is wrong and may cause the partner to feel unloved to a degree as you may be getting pleasure but theirs is lessened.
Love also does not demand sex when the other is unwell or does not feel like it because of other problems. It meets these needs of the spouse before thinking of their own pleasure.