Miscellaneous Matters

Femininity

Femininity is an attitude.  It is not something you can act as it is a part of your core nature as a female.  It is a result of correctly appreciating who you are as a woman and approaching your God-given roles in a correct way.

It is a result of correct self-value, self-worth and self-esteem and is found only in a correct relationship with Jesus which is why people who do not follow the values of Jesus have a warped femininity in which lust is involved.  Because you are whole emotionally you can show yourself to others as  you are: a Godly, feminine, woman expressing womanhood as Jesus meant it to be expressed.

Deliverance is usually needed for a woman to express her femininity and approach her God-given female roles as Jesus wants her too.

Communicating Femininity

A woman can only express her femininity in its fullest expression if she does not need too:

Defend herself, or

Needs to seek appreciation from her husband as he does not show it to her, or

is not abused by abusive  or incorrect headship, or

is loved conditionally be her husband, or

has no hurts requiring deliverance that stops her expressing herself.

Do you want to have a wife who can express her femininity to its fullest then love  her unconditionally and appreciate her for who she is and serve her in all you do especially in headship.

Woman, do you want a husband who will express headship and masculinity correctly to him then do to him what you would he do to you!

Why does a woman need to believe she is beautiful?

Why does a woman want to be told a lie that she is beautiful when she is not?

Why does she need to believe a lie to feel good and have self esteem?

God has made her as she is.  Why does she not accept herself as God made her and want to believe a lie about something she is not?

God does not work this way of getting self-esteem through lies.  Only Satan does.

A woman should be appreciated and love for who she is and not whom she wants to be.  A husband should not have to lie about her looks to her and be a hypocrite so that the relationship in part is built on lies.  She is to be loved for who she is as God made her and not as she would like to be.

A husband who loves his wife for who she is and not what media or Satan says she should be is doing her honour and is loving her as he should so that the relationship is built on truth and not in part on lies.

How can God use a woman whose esteem is based on lies when He wants her to speak His Truths.

Satan trains women from childhood to get worth from what people say about them.  This is possible because of the insecurity of men and the attitude of society generally  in which women are at times considered second class citizens or inferior to men.  The fact he controls the world’s media also assists him in this.

Women are trained from infant hood to get their worth from people around them and not from Jesus so if someone says something that implies they are inferior in some way they go to pieces and attack the person instead of going to The Holy Spirit and asking Him if there was any truth in that statement.  In otherwords, how does Jesus see the situation.

Cindi wrote : I agree with what you wrote. Women that are pretty though often need deliverance from rejection because they are pretty. No one judges them by who they really are but what they look like. This is just as bad as being ugly. Women no matter what they look like need to take it up with the creator as He made them the way He pleases. He thinks we are all beautiful

Jacqueline wrote: Where does true beauty come from ? it comes from within us. The world has other criteria and totally misses the point.  If there is true love between the couple, the question you raise is not an issue at all. Cause the man sees her as beautiful. It is in the eyes, the window of the soul. The real ugliness, lies in a person who is not delivered from her hurts, her pain and bitterness of past traumas, this will be shown on their whole body, especially in their faces. This is the real ugliness, not the features - me thinks.

The Bible says:

Pro 31:30  Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.

1Pe 3:3-4  What matters is not your outer appearance--the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.

When a woman reacts to comment about her appearance or abilities it is because her worth and esteem are based on these and not on who she is in Jesus and so she has to defend these because she will have lesser or no self-esteem if these are removed or found wanting.  She should  not react but ask The Holy Spirit if anything said is true and if she needs to change something or ignore the criticism and rest in the Love of Jesus for her.

To believe she is imperfect  or is not as she believes she should be is to say to God that He has made a mistake with how she is and at that moment God does not know what He is doing as He has made her inadequate or imperfect for the situation she is in.  This of course is a lie of the devil .

To react is also to be offended and hurt so these compound the situation and also need to be dealt with.

The husband who loves his wife for who she is and how she looks will always find her beautiful both physically and spiritually.  The husband who wants a model for a wife will always be unsatisfied either physically and usually spiritually and the marriage will fail as the premise for it is wrong.  It is not based on who she really is but who they want her to be.

The Love of God in a person will never react or attack in self defence but ask The Spirit what to do.  It is the spirit behind beauty in the world which demands that all be beautiful that will attack through a person whose beauty is criticised in some way.

So one should never react at a negative comment but ask The Spirit what to do about it.  This will stop problems in the marriage as nothing will offend your spouse if their worth is in Jesus and not what they think they should be.

A husband should love his wife as she is and not as he thinks she should look or be.  He should not have to lie to love her in the way she wants to be loved and appreciated.  They both should get their esteem from Jesus and who He has made them and not from what the world says they should be.  When their esteem is from Jesus then they can serve Him as He desire them to serve Him.

Releasing the woman’s Potential

One of the benefits of loving your wife as Jesus does is that she will have no defence mechanisms when she relates to you so that she can be the woman God wants her to be which will allow her femininity to be a part of the way she relates to you.

This will allow you to release your masculinity towards her without fear of rejection and in this type of relationship you will both be able to carry out your God-given roles as God intended them to be done of which giving you partner pleasure (sex) is one.

When you love your wife as Jesus does she will respond to you in all areas of her life: emotional, physical and spiritual, so that you will be fulfilled by her love as she is fulfilled by your love.  She will express her femininity and be an ornament to the marriage and to you.  Both of you will be able to fully express  yourself without fear of rejection and defence mechanisms being triggered and in this relationship will the Lord Jesus be expressed and Glorified.

Relaxation and Entertainment

If you love your spouse you will desire to do things together because you enjoy each other’s company as well as  giving your spouse pleasure through the activities you do together.  When necessary you also give each other time to be alone with God and their thoughts, hobbies or activities she likes to do alone and deny yourself time with them that allows them to do these things because you love them.

You will do things to please them even though you do not enjoy them because your love for them takes away the effort of doing the activity.  In all this you love to serve them and ensure they enjoy the activity with you.

The couple that plays together as well as works, communicates truthfully how they feel and prays together will be strong in the Lord and serve His Purposes.

Wives and their temperature

Women feel the heat in different ways to men.  They feel either colder than men or  hotter than men and a good husband will find out his wife’s preference for temperature and modify their living environment to meet her needs in this area.

In-laws

While parents and parents-in-law are ones to consult with the only inputs they should have into a marriage is:

to draw the couple closer to Jesus

to draw the couple closer to each other

to help them with a real need or problem

Anything else is not showing love to their child as love ministers and a minister is a servant and not a master.

They are to be servants to the marriage, guided by The Holy Spirit and not controllers of the situation unless the children give them this control as it is necessary for them to have it to help them.

If the children do not want help or do not take the advice of the parents then the parents need to withdraw and let the children make their own mistakes and be ready to help them pick up any pieces they need help with.

They should always be praying for their children, spouse of their child and grandchildren.

Wives and Exhaustion

When a wife marries a person it is not because she has responded to an add like the following:

Wanted:  Sex Slave, cook and housekeeper who can cook and keep house like my mother and make love like they do on Television.  No holidays.  No guarantee of a good night’s sleep.  Must be good with children and be able to provide a few for me.  Preferably looks look a super model but attractive females can apply.  No holidays or pay is provided or guaranteed rest periods for the first 15 years.  This is not a performance pay occupation and wages are minimal if at all etc.

If that is how you got a bride there would be few children ever born.

When a woman says “I do”, and places a wedding ring on her finger, she is not saying:

“I promise to be your slave till one of us dies, provide sex on demand and expect you to do no housework”.  She is saying: “I do love you and ask out of your love for me to help me with the housework and support me in my roles when I need it”.

The wife always has more to do than the husband unless she is an invalid.

A wife has stresses a husband often does not realize which can exhaust the wife physically, emotionally or mentally.  A husband needs to realize these and help his wife through them.  Common ones are:

Housework that is too much for the wife as there is disorder in the house

Unrealistic demands being made on the wife by the husband

Childbirth and the events following (such as the midnight feeds, looking after the additional workload of a baby).

Things that are additional to her workload because of his activities at work or recreation

Additional work resulting from her doing things he should be doing.

If a husband is correctly carrying out his role as head of his wife domestically he will also be carrying out correctly his role as her steward, the steward of a great gift God has given him.  It is failure in his being a good steward that results in the wife becoming exhausted.

In the normal course of events of daily living a wife should never get exhausted if her husband is a good steward of her as he will help her bear the load so she will not get exhausted.  He will also back up her discipline in the house and ensure that the children will also be trained to keep the house tidy and help their mother when needed.  This will be because of his love for her that does not want to see her hurt or weary unnecessarily that will cause him to serve her and help her with any additional burdensome load she has at that time.

It will also be because of the love for the children that wants to see them able to look after themselves and run a household one day.

Even though there are defined roles and service in a marriage there is nothing stopping the husband or wife helping the other as needed or requested.  Love does not see boundaries to service but only a need that someone has that they should help them with.

So if one spouse is tired then the other will help them and help bear their burden so they will be able to cope and not be exhausted.

While a husband may not be able to bear the activity that causes the stress, an example is childbirth or menstruation, he can help the wife by doing things for her that will not cause her additional stress or exhaust her.

He cannot carry the emotional or spiritual burdens that occur from past hurts but he can support her and help her through the deliverance necessary to deal with them.

He cannot help her with the stress of submitting to headship but he can show the love that removes this stress and help his wife by making commands to her that are out of love for her and also by helping her with any deliverance necessary to submit as she should.

There is no excuse for one spouse placing on the other spouse stresses that will exhaust them.  Love does not do this.  If this occurs then there is need for deliverance or changes in attitude that will allow the love that should be there that will stop their being stressed and exhausted.

This is different to a spouse refusing to relate to the other or let them help them.  Major deliverance is necessary in a case like this.

Remember that you are also stewards of each other as God has given you each other to be as one in heart, mind, body and spirit so in a sense what you do to them you do to yourself.

Christmas Day Preparations

It is Christmas week.  The husband has come home happy and relaxed from the Christmas party, sits down and relaxes.

The wife is in the middle of:

Doing the Christmas card

Organising food for Christmas dinner

Organising table presentation for Christmas dinner

Preparing to cook Christmas dinner

Organizing presents

Organizing the children’s social life in the holidays

He watches television and relaxes and goes to bed refreshed and relaxed and wonders why the wife does not feel like sex and has a ’headache’.

On Christmas day she:

Gets up while he sleeps in

Sets the table

Cooks

Serves the meal

Clears up the table

Washes up

Puts everything away

Has to serve the evening meal

Repeat most of the above steps again.

He sits with his friends or the relatives or watches television.  After all he has mowed the lawns and made the outside of the house presentable so his work is done as far as he is concerned.

She goes to bed exhausted.  He once again asks for sex and wonders why she rolls over says she has a headache and treats him as if he was not there.  She probably does not have enough energy to even reply to him.

The Bible says for husbands to love their wives.  If a husband loves his wife he will help her when it is necessary so the burden on her is less.  She will appreciate him and be able to respond to his advances in some way to show her love for him, even if it is not sex but appreciation of what he has done for her.  A husband who loves his wife will serve her as needed.

In sickness

When a wife is sick some husbands expect their wife to continue to do their normal duties.  If a husband loves his wife they will ask how they can help them with housework or other duties as well as look at ways to help them get better quickly.

A wife will also help her husband when he is sick.

Gal 6:2 “Bear ye one anothers burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ”

Exhausting a wife (by Susan)

Susan wrote the following:

Oh how profoundly wise and how you have been gifted to speak and tell the nations. This is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE!

Not many or extremely very few men realise this. You have written it perfectly!

My heart and i would dare to say the heart and deep desire of every woman. It is a common discussion between women that men never understand the harshness of childbirth and their physical problems. -As soon as the baby is born the mother is often forgotten and is expected to be in total health and believe me I remember the first 6 weeks -2 months as the hardest of all as the body is recovering from a huge ordeal from labour.

Sometimes it takes longer!

Women keep going beyond their exhaustion levels as they are conditioned usual to do so even by their own  mothers and fellow women as the thoughts of judgement and failure according to their opinions is profound.

Pressure, Instead of the Biblical role of the older women teaching the younger it is mostly unreal stories of triumph and great pressure of not being able to do as she should or must be able therefore she feels inadequate and then the husband comes in with demands and there is an extra and most personal judgement and burden from him which has a lot to do with conditions such as depression and indeed post natal depression.

I suffered a mild form after Brendan was born as I was told I was a masochist and destructive mother as I had him circumcised.

A choice I made through my medical knowledge and my Obstetrician’s advice.

As well as the terrible physical onslaught of a first birth that left me with a dreadful infection and sick the absolute pressure to be smiling and perfect - up at 5 am after being up most of the night - having the house perfect and a happy quiet baby I can assure you it takes it’s toll. I became obsessed with him being uncomfortable or hurt and visions of seeing him wounded made me paranoid. I sought the Lord and had deliverance from him on my own, however it was a very difficult time. Just a little background All my births had problems and exhaustion became a common reality and perfection an obsession - I was known to change my babies total clothing nearly 5 times a night if they dribbled at all! lol

Any way I must sound quite insane to you!

However I loved my babies with a passion! I saw them as a gift from the Lord and I had to be a perfect steward of them for Him. Now my message will be one of experience I assure you!

Wish you were there my beloved!

My first husband was very good especially with colic nights but not in understanding my feelings -  he said it was a choice and get over it.

This is an area men often run from and say it is women’s business when it is the couples most intimate business and bonding time. The wife is at her most vulnerable and many women carry the hurts of these times with them forever. I hear 90 year olds recall their stories with such clarity as if it was yesterday in regards to their husbands treatment of them during those times.

Men do not realise this I am sure.

Legalism is not kind and indeed causes love to diminish overtime. Men must become aware of that as well.

Women usually bear long and through much but over time that will birth resentment and the result ma be as in the case of Brendan’s friend’s mum. Suddenly it becomes too much and poof they run out of survival mode, or give up and live in sadness, depression and sickness as a result. It is true the wife’s health may be in the husband’s hands to a great extent -  that may well be why Paul said that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church! The health and life - salvation -  belonged to Him and according to His loving sacrifice.

A thought!

I am a person and a child of God and in marriage should have equal say in dealing with any problems and expression is a very large part of a woman’s role if her husband describes it as ’nagging’ then he is disregarding the attempts of his wife to be honest and making an excuse to ridicule her and run from the problems blaming her and exonerating himself from all part - in that ruining her love and respect for him.

A wife’s respect comes from the every day dealings she encounters with her husband or betrothed.

I thank you for your insight and love, I respect you so much more my dear!!!!

Bless you for hearing the Holy Spirit!!

Love’

Just as faith without works is dead so love without works is also dead