Marriage Roles as defined in the Bible

Introduction

We must look at the lines of service a person has before we discuss the roles spouse have in a marriage. This is so we can obtain a true perspective of what service actually is in marriage.

Our first level of service is to Jesus, our Lord.  He tells whom we are to serve as well as when and how to serve them.

Our second level is because we are Christians and so serve each other.

Our third level is in marriage.  The Husband is domestic head of the marriage and its steward and so servers every member of the family and has a duty to help them fulfil the stewardship they have over the areas they have been stewardship of.

He has been given domestic headship so that he can carry out his stewardship responsibilities better.  If he loves a person as Christ does then submission to him is easy because He will only do what is best for the family member and by not submitting to his love they are actually doing what is not best for them.

This is also why a man leaves his family and goes to be with his wife so that his family cannot interfere or hinder his headship of her.  By being with her away from outside influences he is able to be a good steward of her and carry out his responsibilities without outside interference.

Now to the discussion of the responsibilities Jesus has given each member in the family.

Remember, a role is an overall description of what a person has to do while responsibilities are the actions a person does in that role.  If you do not understand your role in the marriage you will not carry out or possibly not even carry out your responsibilities in the marriage.

Roles in marriage

Abuse is defined in Webster’s dictionary as follows:

 

ABU'SE, v.t. s as z. [L. abutor, abusus of ab and utor, to use; Gr. to accustom. See Use.]

 

1. To use ill; to maltreat; to misuse; to use with bad motives or to wrong purposes; as, to abuse rights or privileges.

 

They that use this world as not abusing it. 1 Cor 7.

 

2. To violate; to defile by improper sexual intercourse.

 

3. To deceive; to impose on.

 

Nor be with all these tempting words abused.

 

4. To treat rudely, or with reproachful language; to revile.

 

He mocked and abused them shamefully.

 

5. To pervert the meaning of; to misapply; as to abuse words.

 

ABU'SE, n. Ill use; improper treatment or employment; application to a wrong purpose; as an abuse of our natural powers; an abuse of civil rights, or of religious privileges; abuse of advantages, &c.

 

Liberty may be endangered by the abuses of liberty, as well as by the abuses of power.

 

2. A corrupt practice or custom, as the abuses of government.

 

3. Rude speech; reproachful language addressed to a person; contumely; reviling words.

 

4. Seduction.

 

After the abuse he forsook me.

 

5. Perversion of meaning; improper use or application; as an abuse of words.

 

Women are an abused species.

Abuse in its true sense means to use wrongly and many men do not use their wives as God designed them to be treated (related to).  Often the abuse is unintentional and the man does not realize by inactivity or not speaking words of love and encouragement without their being a reason too is an abuse of the wife.

I am not talking about physical abuse or other abuses that hurt the person emotionally or physically  This is obvious abuse.  I am talking about the small things a wife would like you to do at times but you ignore when you know she needs these things.

Do not tell her she is beautiful and desirable

Do not tell her of your love for her and who she is as a person

Do not help her in the kitchen after a big meal instead of leaving her to wash up for the family by herself or buy her a dishwasher

Do not put her needs before yours in sex to show you love her and are not in it for personal pleasure

Do not do things she wants to do at times instead of always deciding what is correct.  Marriage is a partnership so treat her as an equal partner in all things (even though the husband has the final say in domestic matters, but even then the wife should have input as is necessary)

Do not help her make the bed in the morning if you are able to or even make it for her at times

Do not help her when she asks for help go and help her. She does not ask for help because she is lazy but because she has a need that is to be met either emotional or practical.

Do not sit her down and serve her afternoon tea or in other areas to show she is appreciated

Do not do anything she needs done to help her cope with her role and responsibilities no matter how small or trivial the thing to be done seems.

The Holy Spirit will show you what He wants you to do for her and unless you walk in His Guidance you can abuse your wife at times, even though unknowingly.

Jesus has a love of women as they are so abused by men.  You would be like Jesus?  Then love your wife as He does!  Then you will fulfill an important part of your marriage role as a husband,

1 Tim 5: 8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

1 Tm 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

Heaven is a place of order where everyone has their God-given assigned roles.  All are happy in their roles as they have been given to them by Jesus and the role they have is that which is best for them.

This is the type of order God wants on earth.  People doing their God-given roles and enjoying them because they know that role is best for them.

If you obey Jesus as Lord in all you do then you will be fulfil the requirements of your marriage role.

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If God had wanted all mankind to have the same roles he would not have made them male and female.  There would have been no need to.  The fact that He has made male and female shows they have different roles in His order of things.

Male and female need to know their God-given roles (in daily life and ministry) to function how God wants them too and for them to be able to do the things He wants them to do on earth.  Until they know and understand their God-given roles they cannot fully be the people God wants them to be or serve God as He desires them to serve Him.

This is why Satan has brought in feminism and similar to blur the roles a woman has in the order of God’s things so they do not do what God wants them to do resulting in families not being in God’s order as well as the people in the families also being dysfunctional.

Men and women do things the opposite sex should do and headship is out of God’s order if this is not done at their request of the spouse because she needs help in an area.   By rejection of the roles Jesus has given them ministry or witness they have as a married couple is hindered or destroyed.  They are not in the order Jesus requires them to be so cannot use them as he desires too if at all.  Jesus is not glorified and is brought into disrepute and His work does not get done on earth because of the mess these families are in.

The original arrangement

In the beginning God made Adam to tend (be a steward) of all God had created in His Garden.  Adam was lonely and the animals were not appropriate to be the partner of Adam and meet his need for companionship.  So God made someone to help Adam and called her Eve.  Notice that He did not make another Adam, but someone to complement him and assist him as an equal and not as a slave.  Adam was to look after the needs and protection of the family while Eve was to look after the children and the household.  God was still the spiritual head but Adam became the Domestic head as he had final responsibility for all matters concerning the family while Eve was responsible for the house and children and whatever God had her to be steward of.

God had given Adam care of the garden but He still had his household duties.  He must not have been coping well so God gave him a partner (helpmeet, not help slave or help servant) to help him with the housework.

Adam continued with the garden leaving Eve to look after the house.  She was out in the garden not doing her housework when she got tempted so one wonders if she had been neglecting her duties and so Satan was able to tempt her.

It can be seen the roles for man and woman were defined by God.  But this only defined the domestic arrangements as God was still there to look after the spiritual side of things.  Besides, before God they were spiritually equal so that the man did not have spiritual headship (authority) over  the woman.  It was not given to Adam in the garden and was not delegated by God elsewhere so that man has not spiritual headship over women.

It is also to be noted that headship was not mentioned by God but was mentioned only after Jesus died and not by Jesus himself.   Jesus only ever spoke of male and female as equals.  If The Holy Spirit is in charge of the household the headship of the domestic and spiritual is Jesus and whoever is to be the spiritual head of the family does not come into discussion.

Why did God make Adam wait before He created Eve?  So Adam would appreciate her more.  That is why God makes you wait for a spouse so that you will appreciate them more.

In the Old Testament much was not said about the different roles of men and women as it was understood.  In the New Testament Paul was writing to non-Jews and had to explain God’s order to them as they were under the influence of Hellenistic thought and women were as slaves in some parts and equal with men in others.  So God’s order needed to be stated.

In the Old Testament, some women did the ministry of men (Deborah is an example) but this was because there was no man found to do it.  In proverbs 31, the woman trades, but this is after her responsibilities to her husband and household have been met.

In Ephesus, where a female Goddess (Artemis) was supreme, there were problems with headship, hence the passage in Ephesians 5.  Note this passage is a comparison of Christ and the Church (the spiritual aspect) reflected in the relationship of Husband and Wife (the domestic aspect).  This passage showed the correct relationship between mankind and Jesus and between a wife and husband and was designed to counteract the wrong concepts of these that the new believers in Ephesus would have had from their pagan background and worship of Artemis.

The passage in 1 Pet 2:25 to 3:7 shows that domestic headship can only be physical and not spiritual.

Apart from Ephesians 5: and 1 Pet 3:1-7 there are some passages that detail what God expects from each spouse.  Some of these are found in Prov. 31, and 1 Timothy.  The role of the wife is dealt with more fully than that of the male whose role is mentioned in Titus 2:2, 6-8.  The defined roles of the wife expands her role from just housework to an active part in the family finances but still under the supervision of her husband.  Without these affirmations of her role a wife could arguably be limited only to housework.

Remember

Women are not mentally stupid or inferior spiritually.  This approach to them is just a device of Satan to stop them being used in ministry because of their spiritual sensitivity to the things of God and Satan.  So Satan persuades man to keep women in an inferior role and out of ministry as a protection of himself (Satan) and his demons.

This also stops men being guided by the spiritual sensitivity women have in the gifts such as prophecy and words of knowledge and wisdom.  By this ignorance of a woman’s capability men are sadly missing out on much that would help them in marriage, work and ministry.

Satan also uses the inferiority and low self-esteem men have to keep women controlled through the man having to subordinate the woman or find her inferior so they have esteem and are not threatened by a woman who are more capable in some areas than they are both in the spiritual and the physical.

A woman needs to prepare herself for ministry through finding out her God-given abilities and gifts and maturing them through her relationship with Jesus and The Holy Spirit.  She also needs to fulfil the roles God has given her as a wife, mother, spouse and housekeeper so Satan cannot find an area to attack her in as she ministers.  The man needs to help her in this as much as possible out of his love for her.

When each spouse develops their natural God-given abilities and giftings under the guidance of The Holy Spirit and with the encouragement of the other spouse, they will properly complement each other and function as a unit in the way God desires them too.  This means each will be an equal partner in ministry and not just a hat or coat stand for the male in the ministry.

Some of the roles defined by God

The Wife

Prove 31:10-31

In this passage the godly wife is praised by God and what follows His praise of her is His advice to women on how to be a godly wife.

The value and promised results of a virtuous wife.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

She is worth more than anything you own

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She will never harm you in any way and should be treated that way herself

 She diligently seeks what is needed to clothe and feed her family and meet their needs and does not pass this responsibility on to others to do.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

As her domestic roles are satisfied she can concentrate on external activities.  Some of the trading she does is intertwined with the work necessary for her to do her domestic duties and done in conjunction with it, in other words she makes extra above what is necessary for her family for sale purposes to help support the family.

She is a business woman buying and selling and not just crafts but major purchases (a block of land).  Her husband trusts her with financial activities and she would have discussed them with him before purchasing the land  but he let her do it unsupervised and accordance with her desires as to what to trade in.  He trusts her as she is a loving and responsible person and a good and productive, industrious worker in her ministry to the family and her heart has no evil i it to use what she does for personal gain but uses it for the gain of the family.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

She provides quality clothing, bed linen and other woven products for her family and is compassionate to those in need

 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She makes certain her house is properly outfitted and comfortable for the family.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

 Her husband is free to pursue his manly duties and take his place in society and is respected because hius family is in order because the wife fulfils her role to make this occur.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She is a woman of wisdom, integrity and love who raises her children well and does not get involved in activities that take her from her children.  She has her priorities right so she does her part in meeting all the needs of her family: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual ..  Her speech reflects the Love of God that is in her as well as the wisdom of her maturity.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

People see the quality of life of her family and their character and publicly praise her for it.  Notice the wife is praised for the way the children are and not the husband, showing the importance of the wife being at home and not at work.  Satan knows this so has made it necessary for both partners to work to purchase a home and survive and maintain a “quality” lifestyle in the way he has used the media to define ‘quality of life’.

Her husband recognizes her worth and praises her to all as does her children.  She is not appreciated for her looks as she appears to be plain and appears to have no great abilities that make  her stand out from other women. hence the reference to appearance and abilities, but she is appreciated for her godliness and the way she fulfils  her role as a wife and mother.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

She will reap the rewards of her work because she has obeyed God in all things.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

In this passage, God shows a wife is more than just a housekeeper as she shares in the finances of the family and in providing for all of its needs that she is able to meet.  He thus liberates her from housework to other activities providing she fulfils the requirements of her necessary activities of caring for her family, household and husband.  God is showing that both spouses provide for the family according to their roles and in their own special way and you cannot really say one does more than the other in this.  You cannot place a value on the housework a wife does and the care and time she gives in raising the children. In the eyes of God the provision by the husband and wife for the family has equal value as both are obedient to what He requires of them and that does not have monetary value.

This Biblical passage allows a woman an identity as a person and not just a faceless housekeeper but someone who can do other things to express whom she is.  The husband has a role in conjunction with The Holy Spirit to protect and develop her as a person and meet all her needs: spiritually, emotionally, physically  and mentally into the person God wants her to be.

Note that her husband is in the city gates as he is able to leave the household completely in her care and trusts her in all she does.  Wise is the husband that leaves his wife to run the household so he can do what he has to do elsewhere.  She establishes a vineyard (a staple of the family’s daily food) and helps looks after the daily finances.  She rules the house but in other areas is in partnership as an equal with her husband.

Paul in The New Testament

Role of a wife According to Paul

1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

The Greek has the following possible meanings:

From G3617; to be the head of (that is, rule) a family: - guide the house.

To be master (or head) of a house

To rule a household, manage family affairs

The wife is to run the household and rule it but the family as a whole is ruled by the Husband and he has the ultimate responsibility for the way the household is run.  If he does not let the wife run it in the way she needs too he has only himself to blame for the consequences.  The wise man lets the wife run the household as she has been trained to do that.  He has been trained to maintain the house and look after its infrastructure and the outside of it.  He will only interfere in the running of the household when The Holy Spirit tells him too or his wife asks him to help her.

A wife is to manage domestic affairs, direct, order, or do what is proper to be done for the good of the family.  If they do this as they should there will be little time to pursue an outside activity until the children are able to take care of themselves but they will still be able to minster as they teach the younger women to also do these things and train their children to lie godly lives and when their children are grown up and the demands of the family is less they can then minister outside the household on a regular basis.

I have noticed that God seems to use married women in ministry who have successfully raised there children so that they know what they are teaching and are not hindered by family concerns like younger women are.

The education of the children

A mother has one of the hardest jobs in the world.  She has sole care of children in the day until they begin schooling and often has the main care of them out of the husbands work hours.  She has the main responsibility of teaching them about God and demonstrating to them how to live the Christian life.  So how should a husband help his wife in this?

In his leisure time he needs to look after the children so the wife can have a break.

He needs to teach and demonstrate the Christian life to his children by the way he lives it.

He needs to provide for her all she needs to develop the Children in the way God wants them to develop as well as for her to develop as she needs to carry out her responsabilitites.

He needs to show strong headship to keep order and stability in the family so God can work in it.

He needs to create a Godly environment to raise the children in.

Jesus and His Will, will need to be the focus in all the family does.

He needs to be led by The Holy Spirit to do all God wants him to do.

He needs to love his wife and children in the way God does so he will relate to them as God relates to them.

In this he shows his love to his wife as he helps her in the raising of the children and removes some of the burden she has in this without taking over her responsibilities in this area.

Women are steward of the family diet.

The main responsibility for the family’s health is the woman as she buys and cooks the food the family eats.  To keep the family healthy she has to buy healthy food and cook it properly otherwise she will be a bad steward of this area of responsibility she has been given by God.

Her husband should help her in this by eating what she cooks and making the children eat what they are served to eat at the dinner table.

A wife needs to learn what healthy food is and cook it properly. This should start when she is growing up with her mother and it should not be learnt as a last minute thing or early in the marriage or as usual after the body starts to deteriorate in areas.

A wise mother will train her all her children to eat healthy food as well as how to cook these foods properly.

Stewardship of health also involves mental health, emotional and physical exercise and not just food and in these both spouses should be involved.  The husband when he comes home should spend exercise play activities with the children or monitor their playing so it is godly.  Both parents are involved in keeping the mind, emotions and body healthy but the involvement will be shared and usually only one parent will be involved at a time.  Homework should be monitored so the children will be helped as needed. Homework is one way of helping their emotional health and developing their mental skills.

This caring for the total health of the child is not a haphazard thing but must be planned and studied (as guided by The Holy Spirit) so that the way they are trained is godly and not worldly and that their needs are met in total and not just in part or in passing.

Just a mother and housekeeper?

The Lord has given the wife a home to be steward of on His behalf to bring Him Glory through the loving way she maintains it for Him in, accordance with His principles, and serves Him, serves her husband and children in this as well as any strangers or friends that come into her area of influence.

God has the wife bring life into this world on His behalf and given her and her husband stewardship and training of this gift of a child so that it will live a life that will bring God Glory through the child’s obedience and love of God.  This attitude of the child will also be worship to God as the child learns to put God first in all they do.  Perhaps this is the greatest gift of all.

It is to be remembered that the mother has the greatest contact with the child and thus the greatest influence on it and may be held more accountable to God for what the child does with Jesus and its life while the father will accountable for how he helped the mother in her training the child as well as how he also did what he could to train the child in the ways of God.

The Holy Spirit has been given to us to lead parents in this raising of children, another of His Greatest gifts.  Thus the need to learn to be led by The Spirit in this as well as in all else we do.


 

The mature wife is also to be a Godly educator of younger wives

Titus 2:3-5

v3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

The principle here is one that is throughout the Bible.  Your teachers are to be mature, Godly, experienced people and not someone who has a certificate from a training course.  People who have proven they have the right to teach because of their lives and the fruit it has produced.

These mature women need to set an example for the younger ones.  God will not use you if you do not practice what you preach but Satan will if he can.  Anyone knowingly not doing what they are teaching have promoted them self and will fall.

v4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Sober: not controlled by passion so that you can think clearly and hear God clearly

Discrete: Prudent, wise in avoiding errors of evil as well as selecting the Godliest way to do something

Chaste: Pure from immoral language or expression of the body which includes the way they present their bodies in their clothes

The Word of God is Jesus and the wife calls Him into disrepute if you do not submit to Him by submitting to your husband and living as Jesus requires you to live (v 4-5).  How you treat your husband and family is how you treat Jesus.

However, stewardship of your body and children may mean you have to leave an abusive husband when there is physical or mental danger to you otherwise you are not a good steward of what God has given you (your body and mind and those of the children that are threatened by the situation)

Men who will not take responsibility for headship also rebel against Jesus when they disobey Him in this area.  What they do to their wife they really do to Jesus (Matt 25:40).

Rewards of a wife who supports her husband in ministry

1 Sa 30:24 …For as his share is who goes down into the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage. They shall share alike.

God stated a principle in The Bible that those that stayed behind to tend the baggage (the base from which the war was fought) shared equally with those that fought the actual war.  Those that tended the base also defended it and provided a support for as well as a refuge for those in the war.

A wife that stays at home and looks after the children while husband goes and works or ministers is in the same situation.  She frees her husband to do the work Jesus wants him to do: ministry, employment to feed her, work around the house etc., and provides a haven for him to return too.  As long as she serves him this way in love she will share in the rewards on earth and build towards her rewards in heaven.  After her children are old enough she too will minister with her husband in a more fuller way if she has proved she is living what she intends to teach.


 

For men

There is a passage that speaks only to husbands and not those that are to be church leaders or deacons.

Titus 2:2, 6-8

 2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.

6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.

7 In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,

8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

Sober: not controlled by passion so that you can think clearly and hear God clearly

Grave: serious, and not pleasure driven (but that does not mean you do not have a sense of humour.  After all, God has one)

Temperate: Does not overindulge in things but does all in moderation

Gravity: Serious and soberness of manners and character and not given to flighty or spurious activities

Sincerity: Honesty of mind, not a hypocrite (they mean what they say in other words)

It is to be remembered that the man’s role really is to love his wife and family in the way Jesus loves them and to do what is necessary to be a good steward of all God has given him and to help her and the family as is necessary.  He also has the added burden of teaching them godliness and assisting them in achieving this and being an example to follow how a citizen of The Kingdom of God lives.

The fact that God has specifically outlined in separate passages the duties of wife and  husband shows how important these are to Him and so need to be carried out by the male or female spouses as a form of obedience to God.

In general

A wise husband will delegate responsibility to his wife in the areas she needs to control to fulfil her God-given responsibilities.  He will assist her in these areas and accept her decisions in these areas unless The Holy Spirit tells Him to override her.  Any time he wants to override her he needs to explain to her why and must have a good reason for doing so.  If he has been led in the Spirit in this then The Holy Spirit will speak to her and she will accept it.  Likewise a wise wife will not undermine her husband’s authority and role without a good reason and then only after discussing it with him.

It is a partnership and partners need to know their boundaries, trust each other and communicate to stop wrong attitudes and suspicion from occurring in the relationship.  In a good marriage there is often discussion in regards to problems so that walls and defences do not go up and drive them apart.  In a good marriage there is always clear communication so Satan cannot sow doubt or discord in a spouse about the mate’s love for them so that a wedge of insecurity or fear is formed in the partnership.

In a good marriage The Holy Spirit is always consulted so the partners are always where God wants them to be, individually and as a couple.

The spouses never argue or defend themselves but ask The Spirit what to do when there is conflict.

Each spouse needs to know and confine themselves to their area of responsibility and authority and should not go outside of these without The Holy Spirit’s leading.  This does not stop a spouse helping another or in humility suggesting ways to improve things but the final say is with the person who has the authority (responsibility) in that area (as guided by The Holy Spirit of course).

In conclusion, Love is required by a husband to a wife, submission and respect by a wife to her husband, however, above all this is the submission in love to each as to Jesus.  The Love of God is our constraint and that is greater than any love required by a wife for her husband and it is also the love required by Jesus for the husband towards his wife.

Love covers (does not condemn but seeks to help the person avoid them) a multitude of sins just as God’s Love covers the multitude of our sins.

If you truly love a person as Jesus loves them then you cannot lust after them or hurt them in any way. If you lust after your wife then you do not love her for his who she spiritually but for her body.

Deliverance is required to remove this wrong attitude unless it is just a demon trying to make you lust after her in which case you send it in Jesus’ Name to The Throne of Judgment to be dealt with by God.

Sex

Sex is a role in marriage and the health of the sex life is a gauge of the health of the marriage.  In fact a healthy marriage always has a healthy sexual relationship behind it.  Sex is the only thing they can do with each other they cannot do with others and so is important as a gauge of the relationship like nothing else is.

The husband needs to prepare the wife so she can respond.  He needs to know what the wife likes him to do to her as preparation for sex as well as what she wants done in the sex act so he can do it and she can respond then give him pleasure.  In this he is a servant also and not a controller.

His service to her in the sex act will draw a response from her which is why lust never provides sexual fulfilment in the long term because it uses her body and does not serve it.

Family Prayer and Bible Study

If the head of the house is to be a Godly man and fulfil his role properly he needs to spend time each day with Jesus, deepening the relationship he has with Him and listening for what Jesus wants the household to do that day.  So this time he spends with Jesus needs to be early in the morning before breakfast so that the Will of Jesus can be communicated to all at the breakfast table (Mark 1:35).

He will also guide each person in their spiritual life, although the wife may take care of the problems the daughters have in regard to worldly and spiritual things, depending on the problem.  Some things for women are best left for women to deal with and some things for men are best left for men to deal with.  The wise parents know who is to deal with what.

Part of his spiritual mentoring will be to teach his family how to spend time with God each day as well as to how to hear God when they spend this time with Him.

He will lead the family in worship for a period each day, usually after the evening meal during which the family will share any activities of the day as well as any blessing they have from God that day and the Bible will be read and commented on briefly.

He will spend time with his spouse each day discussing the household and praying over it and each other in it and seeking God’s Will together for the household.  Perhaps the most important conversation is the one he will have with his wife in bed before they have sex or go to sleep.

He will set the example of what a Christian father and husband is for the son(s) in the family to follow just as the mother will set the example of what a Christian wife and mother is for her daughter(s) to follow.

What about single parents?

A single parent has to do the roles of both parents and this means taking on roles they have not usually been trained or prepared for.  It is especially hard on a woman who has to learn things the husband has done and which may involve a steep learning curve.  This is where she needs to walk close to The Holy Spirit so He can guide her in what she is learning as she works in the role the other spouse use to take.

Just remember that God has allowed this singleness of parenting to happen to you and has prepared you for it as well and will help you through it so that you will overcome the problems you will face.  But He can only really help if Jesus is Lord of your life.  This situation means obeying The Holy Spirit and not reasoning out things when God has not spoken to you about them (Mat 6:33).

You need to constantly give all your problems and burdens to Jesus so He can carry them instead of you, protect them and help you with them, in Jesus’ Name removing any attacking demons and asking The Holy Spirit to take their place,.

Disciplining Children

A chid should never be disciplined in anger.  The anger is a result of the parent’s self-esteem and pride being attacked through what the child has done.

A person’s self-esteem should be from Jesus.  Pride is a self-esteem defence mechanism.  A parent disciplining in anger shows deliverance is needed in some areas of the parent’s live.

A husband should always support the discipline and punishment of his wife unless there is a very good reason not to do so which needs to be discussed with the wife away from the child.  If a husband does not support his wife in this without good reason she will feel abandoned and insecure.

Prov 13:24 (CEV)  If you love your children, you will correct them; if you don't love them, you won't correct them.

Prov 22:6 (KJV)  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Note that children need to be guided and the Lord gives us two verses to guide us in this.  Discipline does not mean belting them but guiding their parameters of thought and actions so that they are correct or so that the child is prevented from doing something that will harm them now or in the future.

This will usually mean punishing rebellion when the child disobeys them.  Punishment is only for rebellion against parental authority and even then the punishment should fit the rebellion and this is where you need The Holy Spirit’s guidance so that this occurs and the child is not abused by incorrect punishment

Problem Resolution

Whenever there is a difference of opinion or a problem do not react or argue, assume or reason but ask The Holy Spirit what to do because He is represents Jesus the true head of the household.  Stop and analyse the situation and learn from it.  Listen to The Holy Spirit and what He says to do.

Each situation is a learning opportunity.  Treat it as a situation to raise your defences and you will place a wedge in the relationship with your spouse.  Treat it as a learning situation and it will strengthen the relationship.

The married couple that learns how to resolve things under the guidance of The Holy Spirit rather than fight will grow closer and strengthen each other’s love.

In Conclusion

If a husband truly loves his wife he will accept her as she is and help her with any weaknesses or problems she has.  He will serve her to help her overcome these and be the godly woman Jesus desires her to be and died to make possible.

He will not easily be offended by what she does to him and will endure the trials she gives him because of his love for her and his desire for her to be what God wants her to be.

This is how Jesus loves her and should be how each partner in the marriage loves each other.

If a marriage is based on this type of love, the role of each spouse will be a pleasure to perform and will not be a burdensome chore as it will be done out of love for Jesus and for each other.

Remember, if you believe God has placed you together then divorce is rebellion against God.  God has given you all you need to resolve issues and if you are led By The Holy Spirit conflict should never really occur in the marriage.