Women are to be loved like Jesus loves Them.
What does a woman desire? To be treated as an individual in her own right and appreciated as such and not to be treated mentally or spiritually as a second class citizen. To be treated as an equal spiritually in the marriage and in the decision making and loved as one who has submitted out of Love for Jesus to her husband (as well as out of love for him). Also for her husband to serve her in love as she does him.
This chapter is a result of counselling women and seeing the damage they have suffered because of not knowing some basic things about their position in Jesus.
The first thing you need to appreciate as a woman is God’s perspective of you. How He sees you. This is what matters and is the perspective you should accept because God sees things as they really are and not as others tell you they are. You need to know this perspective so you can relate to Him correctly and get your worth, esteem and value from this and not from your own reason (which Satan can use others and your own thoughts to guide and eventually even control) or the opinions of others (which may also be demonic suggestions about you to these people).
You need to evaluate criticism and only accept constructive criticism and ignore any other type of criticism as well as to know the difference between them. Constructive criticism will help you develop and mature. Destructive criticism will make you reject yourself in some way or reduce how you value yourself in some way.
Men have treated women as inferior for the sake of their own self-esteem and insecurity. If a woman appears superior, men can feel insecure and even threatened. So for centuries women were relegated to menial work; housework, child raising, putting flowers in the church or cleaning it for Sunday worship etc. This male insecurity also resulted in the need of men To control women and they often used Biblical headship incorrectly as a justification to keep their wife in subservience.
So how does God see you?
The Father sees you as His child, the sister (family) of His son. His creation! He loves you very much and He desires to see you have the fullness of life He designed you for.
Jesus calls you friend, part of His family, and desires intimacy with you in a heart to heart relationship. He also gives you The Holy Spirit to live in you and help you in this and many others things.
The Holy Spirit willingly has His presence in you to help you. He marks you as belonging to God. He is with you all day and night so that you are never alone and can talk to Him conversationally whenever you want to or need too. He is your counsellor and adviser in every area of your life emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally. You need to learn not to react emotionally so you can hear His voice guiding you. He is also there to comfort you and help you draw closer to Jesus and prays for you when you don’t know what to pray (Rom. 8: 26-27) as well as help you with any type problem of you have in your daily living.
You are adequate in Jesus because of what Jesus has made you or is making you into as a person. God sees you in Jesus as being acceptable and in a proper relationship with Him because of what Jesus did for you at Calvary.
Remember that God has spared nothing so He can help you mature into what He has planned for you to be because He Loves you and thinks so much of you. God has even prepared a place for you in heaven so you can be with Him. Such is His desire to fellowship with you and have you there as a friend of His Son.
What else is left for God to do for you or to show you how much He desires you and has prepared for you to be with Him.
But it is up to you to accept these things and work at them and accept yourself as God sees you,
It is all of His doing and it is nothing we could do. It is because of God’s Love that in Jesus you are declared in a correct relationship with Him, and holy before Him, able to approach Him, be acceptable to God and thus able to be there with Him in heaven as well as relate to Him on earth in a personal intimate way.
God’s purpose for you is to know Him personally. Salvation is a relationship with God where you are given the privilege of knowing God in an intimate way. He desires this relationship with you and sent Jesus to make it possible (through Calvary) then gives you The Holy Spirit to guide you in this relationship. He has also given you His handbook for this relationship. His Bible! All God does or allows is designed to help you develop your relationship with Him.
He is Love and the path He has planned for you is only for your good. To walk in it you must trust Him. You need to serve Him as Lord (thus placing His perfect will for your life before your own concept of what you need to do). You need to trust Him for all your needs (matt 6:33) and believe all He does is for your best following His handbook (the Bible) in all you do as well as listen to the guidance of The Holy Spirit in everything. It is not logical to place your will before his Perfect Will and to work out your own path to follow when He already has made a perfect one for you to follow (Mat 6:33).
You are very valuable to God. Jesus gave up ruling a whole universe for you, came to earth and died for you. Also, God brought you into this world. You did not know you needed to live but God did. He then gave you the chance to know Him personally (and intimately). He then gave you Jesus. He could give you no greater gift. In your relationship with Jesus are all the promises of God for you so you really need to know Jesus intimately. Jesus is worth more than all the wealth of the universe and Jesus willingly gave up ruling it to come to earth so you could know each member God personally.
God done much to show His Love for you.
God desires you to reach your fulfilment as a person and so places you in trials as a sign of His Love for you to mould you to be a reflection of Him through His character being formed in you and being expressed in all you do. He will never ask you to do more than you can handle and has prepared you for the trial He has placed you in. You take the first step and He will help you with all the next steps.
He does this because of your love for Him that results in your patiently enduring the trials He sends to mould you through His Will as you are guided in the trial by The Holy Spirit, studying His handbook The Bible, through the self discipline you exhibit as you obey Him as well as the guidance and teaching The Holy Spirit gives you in your everyday life.
God thinks so much of you that He desires you to be in heaven with Him and is preparing a place for you to live there but is also preparing you for this place, thus the trials and tribulations you go through as He removes from you all that is stopping you from getting there or hindering you from reaching your full potential in Jesus. He does not have to do this but Loves you so does it for your sake.
To walk the path He has for you that prepares you for heaven you must obey Him, trust Him and believe His love is behind all that happens to you so that you will be content in whatever happens to you. After all, the trials He allows you to go through are a sign of His Love for you and you should not complain about God showering you with Love!
He has given you all you need to do His Will and prepares you to face any trial He allows you to go through. He also makes a way through the trial and Temptation so you can overcome it (1 Cor 10:13). He would not be a God of Love if He did not do this. He also guides you through it He is so concerned for you to succeed and be with Him in heaven. He limits what Satan can do to you as He is in complete control of everything involved in the trial or temptation. You must believe this and act in faith on this belief. You must believe in His Love, Purposes, Plans and Control or you will not endure in these trials and temptations as you should.
Satan can attack you but only so much as God allows him too so that you can endure it and overcome it.
You must desire to be with God in heaven and relate to Him on earth or you will not endure the trials and temptations He sends to get you there. You will only desire these if you understand His love for you and His desire for you to be with Him, otherwise doubt, uncertainty and fear will be stirred up in you by Satan so you will not relate to God as you should and obey Him as you should.
You must also do what is required of you to get there and also believe it is worth striving to get there. Only as you value heaven and a relationship with God above all the things of earth, only as you want the things of God more than all the things of earth will you love and serve God as you should and walk the path He has prepared for you that gets you to heaven and matures you into the relationship God desires to have with you now as well as in heaven with Him.
Part of walking this path and serving Him is the way we show His Love as we relate to others; family, other Christians, non-Christians, all of a whom we interact with daily here on earth. This Love is a natural result of our desire to be like Him and should be freely expressed in all we do as a natural part of our worship to Him. As we relate correctly to others we are moulded more to His image and progress further along the path He has planned for us.
The area of marriage is one where lots of relational problems occur because women and men do not understand Biblical headship.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that headship in marriage is spiritual. This is because people do understand 1 Pet. 3:1-6. Headship is only domestic. The husband is responsible for the family and not the wife. The husband will give account to God for the way he dealt with the family God gave him. The wife will have to give account to God for the way she submitted to Jesus and then her husband carried out her role as wife and mother. If she does not allow her husband to assume the responsibilities he is suppose to she has no one but herself to blame for the consequences of this. If he does not want to assume them then she needs to ask Jesus what to do as He is her adviser (through The Holy Spirit) and not man.
Remember, we all serve Jesus first and then others as He directs us too. He is King and the will of the king is to be done before our own will. By this we shoe we are a citizen of His Kingdom of heaven.
A wife does not have to love her husband but she has to respect him (because of the authority and responsibilities Jesus has given him) and submit to her husband in domestic matters out of obedience to Jesus. The submission is a command by Jesus so she has no choice in this and must do it. As Jesus has given her this command she needs to trust Him for the consequences of submitting to her husband.
She cannot submit spiritually to the husband as that is to say she is his head when Jesus is. But then if both are led by The Spirit the problem of headship does not occur as both obey Jesus and not their own reasonings or rules of men. As both submit to Jesus they are equal spiritually and can minister as equals and at times a woman can do a better work than a man of ministering such as in the case of ministering to women.
Gal 3:27-28 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
The husband must love his wife and if he does as Jesus requires him to do the wife will gladly submit to him domestically. Even though the wife only has to only respect her husband, if He is a Christian, the she must love her spouse as Jesus loves Him. (The husband is supposed to be doing that already toward her).
Satan tries to make women fearful so they have trouble submitting domestically to their husband or be so insecure they have to control their husband to feel secure. By this families are destroyed, adultery and/or divorce occurs and people are damaged and cannot serve God as He desires them too.
The family is the basic unit of worship. Satan knows this and has majored on destroying it. This is why correct family values are so rarely seen in the media (which Satan controls). Satan knows a person cannot function normally or adequately if the family life is a mess because the chaos in the family affects their emotions and self-esteem so badly.
A husband or wife should not have any secrets in the marriage and should quickly clear up misunderstandings and problems between them. They should not go to sleep or have sex until all that is wrong between them is resolved. It is these unresolved issues that Satan uses to drive a husband and wife apart.
A husband needs to meet the emotional needs of a wife in at least seven areas. Intimacy, appreciation, encouragement, security, comforter, someone to support her emotionally in troubled times as well as someone to hold her close just for who she is.
As a woman needs to have her emotional needs met so do her children. As the husband meets her needs in these seven areas she also needs to meet these in her children. If she is emotionally damaged or the husband does not meet her needs she will not be able to meet the needs of her Children as she should so they also will be damaged. A husband not meeting the needs of his wife is abusing her and not being a good steward of her.
When relating with others (Christian or non-Christian), never accept any criticism until you have taken it to The Holy Spirit to get His comments on the correctness of it. Too many people criticise others because they feel so bad about themselves they need to make others look worse so they feel better (superior) and thus have self esteem through this positive comparison with the person they have criticised. Remember not to react to criticism but to evaluate it in the light of God’s Word and the guidance of The Holy spirit. If any of the criticism is correct then you need to make the appropriate changes (which may even require some deliverance). Incorrect criticism you just ignore and forgive the person who made it.
If a person offends you, remember it usually because they are hurting. Love them, but hate what they do, Maybe you are to minister to them or pray for them. Do not react but listen to what the Holy Spirit says to do.
Mat 5:44-45 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
The more you love others as Jesus Loves them the more you will be healed of emotional problems and the more you will be transformed into the image (character) of Jesus.
You may need deliverance and inner healing to remove some problems but many may just require lordship and self control of an are to be exercised to remove an emotional problem and as necessary the casting out of attacking demons. Satan can only ever get you to do what you agree to and allow him to guide you to do. So if you control your mind it makes it hard for him to get you to sin. Remember that to sin Satan has to get you to agree (accept) to what he suggests you do. If you do not agree you do not sin.
You need to love yourself as God Love you and accept yourself as He accepts you. You must forgive yourself as He has forgiven you at Calvary. Deliverance may be needed and the Holy Spirit will guide you as to what you need deliverance of or of any understanding you need to do this.
You need to love yourself as God Loves you and appreciate yourself as God appreciates you or you will not look after yourself as God desires you too, developing your mind or looking after your body and keeping yourself spiritually in the correct relationship with God that you need to be in.
Remember! Shame, guilt and condemnation were dealt with at Calvary so these now come from Satan as do all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. You need to know how To deal with these (cast them in Jesus’ Name to The Throne of Judgment and ask The Holy Spirit to replace them .).
As you fight Satan and remove more of Him and His world system from you it will become easier to follow Jesus and defeat Satan.
It is up to you to change who you are as a person and to fight what Satan puts there in your mind. In the end it is down to a simple choice. Believe Jesus and what He says about you or accept what Satan says about you. On this choice may hinge your eternal destiny
Satan cannot make you do anything you do not agree to do. So, the first line of defence is your rejecting what he offers or suggests to you. Give any noticeable weakness to Jesus, ignore any temptation, cast it out in Jesus’ Name to The Throne of Judgment, and ask The Holy Spirit to replace it with His presence and thoughts. If it continually affects you, then treat the area as one that needs deliverance. My web site has a simple deliverance prayer you can say quietly by yourself.
How to keep a woman happy
Keep Jesus and the purposes of His Kingdom central in all you do with them
Encourage her and help her build her faith in Jesus and trust in you
Worship and pray with her
Read The Bible together
Give her a consistent Godly example
Give her complete security
Support her in all that she does that is not wrong and correct in love the things she does wrong and the mistakes she makes (if they are of eternal significance otherwise just ignore them).
Never compare her unfavourably with another woman
Help her. Serving her shows your respect for her.
Listen to her and show she is worthwhile as a person
Be a gentleman to her: open car doors, serve her at buffets, serve her in love.
Meet her fears so Satan cannot use them to put a division between you and her
Plan with her in all things that affect you both and support her, where possible, in the things she decides for herself (her clothes, appearance, hobbies and other forms of how she expresses herself as a person) or decides on your behalf.
Do not criticise her in a destructive manner but in a constructive way so that she is encouraged as a person and not made to feel worthless. Let her know it is constructive and not destructive criticism.
Never raise your voice to her or shout at her.
Praise her when it is appropriate, especially to others
Ask her to do things in an appreciative manner and be appreciative and thank her when she does it.
Show God’s Love you do in all things you do to her.
Let her communicate her needs, desires, fears, anything she needs to too feel secure in the relationship and listen to her and help her out of love for her in the way God shoes you too
Remember men, you will be accountable to God if you do not do these things.